So it’s 10:08 in the P.M…I am exhausted! Now is when I work though. Ren & Stimpy are sound asleep. Or at least they have clean teeth and bodies, have peed (the big one), have a dry butt (the little one), are quiet, and have no visible signs of trauma or distress. They’re both in their rooms and respectively being silent, so I could care less whether to attribute that to sleep or not. My husband is in the living room in his undies perusing Netflix, scratching his balls, and indulging in his Most favorite delicacy, Key Lime Pie. All is Well right now in the Robinson household.
What all exactly happened today though? This is the million dollar question! For starters, YES that is my overly expensive, but most comfortable ever, boob-saving Vicky Secret Bra that the 10 month old has on his Head in the picture! That’s the type of wacky shit that happens around here. I don’t know how he got it, but it seemed to entertain him at the time. I actually found it humorous, got over it, and continued to live life. You see, my house is free reign. I’m not one of those stuffy Mommies who limits my kids to certain wings of the home, establishing ridiculous rules as to where they can’t go. Kids are kids and you have to let them roam or else you’ll be drinking grain alcohol for breakfast out of a “#1 Mom” coffee mug, and smoking doobies at nap time.
So today we ventured to the park. I live in one of those neighborhoods that you can push the baby around in a stroller safely and old ladies are honorary neighborhood watch and say dumb shit to you like “Oh Baby you’re so young! In my day, kids didn’t need all them toys just to have fun. We played with dirt and rocks and had the Best of times!” …Yeah, and in you’re day the cotton gin had just been invented and my Great Grandma wasn’t even an embryo yet …I just smile and nod pleasantly and go on about my way before this conversation gets too deep! Our park trip is good. I even swing a little with DJ and show him how to push himself higher into the air. The 10 month old has his legs comfortably propped up on the tray of his stroller dangling his little feet in the air and humming baby gibberish. We are doing great!
Then it was time to go back home…After we walk almost four blocks further than our home, strolling relaxingly along, DJ has a Complete melt-down about having to now go in the house. Like, one of those melt-downs where it takes you aback a little, and you feel a bit psycho for about 2 seconds, and you have to lean in Real close to your kid to aggressively whisper the ish that just popped into your mind. At this point, the 10 month old is over this whole walking/park thing as well, because he’s chunky and hot and irritable, so he starts whining too. I promise that they Must plan this stuff!
So Mommy does some quick thinking and remembers that she doesn’t have a record, her husband has a good job and can’t quit to stay at home with the kids if she goes to jail, and that she has a future. She gives the one having a meltdown the “look”, scoops the 10 month old up, and gets everybody back in the house. What happens after that don’t have Nothing to do with y’all!! :-D…..just remember I started this off by saying the kids had no visible signs of trauma or distress tonight! 😉
Disclaimer for those who take my posts a bit too literally: I do NOT actually harm my children! This is what writing is. It’s called embellishment! Goodnight! 🙂