You Know You’re a Mom When…

DjnDevin8.16

It’s Sunday! What better a day to reflect the Joys of being a Mommy, than on the day that the average Mom is home ALL day with the little boogers! πŸ™‚ Gathering info from other Mamas out there, combined with my own adventures, I compiled a list of things to remind you that “You Know You’re a Mom When…”

  1. You crave sleep. Like seriously want to throw a tantrum because you can’t take a simple 20 minute nap. You want to punch your significant other for not understanding your intense fatigue, and smack all of the geniuses who keep telling you to “sleep when the baby sleeps”. Oh ok! I guess I’ll have time later on to Eat, Wash my body, clean the bottles, wash the dishes, prep dinner, etc. You know, because I can sleep now and then do all of that other stuff when the baby wakes back up! Grrrrr.
  2. Showering is like a magical escape to a tropical island. Especially when you have yummy smelling shower gel, and sneak wine in the bathroom. Sure, the baby thinks you smell like heaven and keeps burying his little head in your arm pits and sweaty boobs. Your husband however won’t think that any of this shit is cute and side eye the heck out of you! Find time to shower!
  3. When you know Dad is taking the kids somewhere important, like the doctor, you know that you better lay EVERYTHING out way ahead of time, with detailed instructions of what needs to happen, where everybody needs to be, and by when! You know you have to make the diaper bag and take out the insurance cards etc., and put it all somewhere in Clear site that you know he HAS to pass by on the way out. We all love our Boos, but we also know better!
  4. The lady at Binny’s knows who you are, greets you by name when you walk in the store, and shows you where they moved your favorite wine when they re-merchandised the store earlier…Whaaat?? I have a Binny’s card. Don’t judge me! πŸ˜‰
  5. When people with no kids offer up unsolicited advice or ridiculous opinions about things involving children, and you’re usually giving them the Boo Boo face, and wondering why you are even entertaining this conversation.
  6. When your weekly planned Solo trip to the grocery store is something you REALLY enjoy partaking in, and get a serious attitude if someone offers to go with you.
  7. When you stop carrying baby purses and start buying big ass Totes because you need to fit Everything in it! My Longchamp holds everything from my favorite Burts Bees lip balm, to an extra pack of Zyrtec, to my birth control pills, to my makeup bag, to three diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, Neosporin On-the-Go, a baggie of puffs, and a pack of fruit snacks!
  8. You can type a blog, text your husband about what he wants for dinner, catch up on Being Mary Jane, listen to your Mother yap about church and ‘pastor’ over the phone, argue under a status on Facebook, take selfies, post on Instagram, make a sandwich, feed the baby, and listen for some shit to go crashing in the living room while the 4yr old watches Avengers Assemble…..all at the same time!
  9. You stopped wearing nail tips and over-the-top designs Years ago and stick with a simple no-chip mani, because there’s NO way in hell you can give an infant a bath, wipe a booty, or close twelve thousand snaps and buttons on a onesie with long dumb ass nails!
  10. You’re tired! Like Really tired!!! Did I say this one already??? You’re up throughout the night pulling boobs out to nourish your child, and back up early in the am to start your day and prepare your children for theirs. If you work, you go to a place and put on a face to politely as possible deal with people you don’t always like so that you can continue to keep a roof over the heads of the ankle biters that drive you crazy :). If you have a husband, you better be doing the splits, swinging from a ceiling fan, and keeping your Vicky Secret account paid off, so that you can keep his attention as well. As a wife, you have to please him too! By the time you get alone time you’re a wreck! However, at the end of the day you know it’s all worth it. Why??…because you’re a Mom and we get shit done! πŸ˜‰

You see that picture above, and I wouldn’t trade them for the World!!

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Mom When…

  1. Yessss to all of this! I add a 20 minute soak (if I’m lucky) before the shower just to meditate. Very necessary after playing referee with my older two😩

    Like

  2. Lol. I actually do most of what you say as the father. I have no problem grabbing the kids and leaving mommy home and I can do this without her needing to pack my diaper bag or lay out clothes. I guess that’s why she loves me. Now on the other side my ex wife was the opposite and i had to lay things out for her and pack the bags and lay out clothes. So as man I can say that i feel your pain and joy

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s