All Those Times You Realized that You Didn’t Want to Have Anymore Kids…

Devin In Laundry Basket

Sooooo, it’s Saturday…at 12pm…I’ve had my Starbucks and oatmeal, brushed my teeth, and put on bra. Now I wait. Wait for one of the usual suspects to light the firecracker, and then the other to come throw it at my head! They’re quiet though. Eerily quiet. Complete silence is Not a good thing with two children under 5, and so the games begin!

Let me preface this by first saying that I Dearly love both of my babies and they are my entire world!!! Like Entire world! After a heart-wrenching battle with an ectopic pregnancy, and a now healthy and happy 11-month old, I Truly understand the value of motherhood and the ability to reproduce! I’m no fool though…And I also understand the meaning of knowing when to wave your white flag and go take your darn birth control pill! My husband and I have two VERY special, healthy and beautiful children that we brought into this world, and guess what else??? We’re done! Now, I know stuff happens and eggs still get fertilized even when not expected to. IF we can however avoid the obvious, we will. That’s just us though. As a Mom, with my two little darlings, I know that there are ALWAYS those times when you pause and realize “you definitely aren’t having anymore kids!”

  • You walk into the bathroom and realize that the 4-year old has not only used your $20 eyeliner to color in his Spider-Man book, but that the 11-month old is trying to eat whatever is left of your contribution to the Christian Dior makeup line…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids! 
  • There’s some kind of dangerously hostile battle going on in the living room about whether to watch “Daniel the Tiger” or “Hulk vs. Iron Man” and you’re pretty sure someone is going to lose a limb…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids! 
  • The 4-year old finds a way to wrap himself up SO ridiculously in his seat belt that you and your husband have to cut him out of the back seat to retrieve him safely…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids! 
  • You go into Active labor and that first real contraction hits before they can give you an epidural…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids! 
  • You Completely miss the freakin timeframe for when you can actually Get an epidural, turned into the chick from The Exorcist,  and end up having a completely natural birth…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids! 
  • You’re nursing at 4am, for the third time that night, and break out into the official “Mom Cry”, then come back in the bedroom and your husband is so perfectly cuddled into the covers sound asleep…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids!
  • You found Iron Man in your dishwasher because Tony Stark was ‘taking a shower’ and a Minion floating in the toilet because he was “doing like they did in the movie Mommy!”…You JUST Realized that you don’t want anymore kids! 

Last but not least, you find the 11-month old as pictured above. This was a basket of clean laundry. It was totally full and you have No idea where he’s relocated the other two-thirds of the items to…You not ONLY just realized that you don’t want anymore kids, but that you’re probably going to miss yet another event because you can’t find the pants that you just washed! HA! 😉

Easy Breezy Post! Have a Great Day!!

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6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…

MomNDad

I was trying to figure out which blog this topic should go under, and decided that it fell more so into the “parental/family” category, so here goes!

Over the past weekend, we unfortunately missed at least two pretty important celebrations of life events for some of our closest friends (and Thankfully they are the type of people who understood the reasoning for our absence, and they’re ok…Everybody isn’t though). These were occasions that we were actually invited to, RSVPd for, and expected to attend. Then a little thing called LIFE happened, and our fun-filled weekend was replaced with a killer sinus headache, an exhausted Mommy, a sneezing/stuffy Daddy, trying to get a car battery replaced, a coloring book marathon with my 4-year old, and a massive poop explosion from the 11-month old tyrant! So…in all things typical of a writer, I decided to turn this experience into a special FYI for the world to be informed about. It is necessary and we’re probably not the only family that needs to share this “heart-felt” disclaimer! 😉

Here it is! 6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…

  1. We have KIDS!!! I know. I know. This one is too easy and a lot of people are tired of hearing it. However, I feel like most Need to! Especially those who do Not have kids. While we still love you, we also need you to know that you have NO idea the strange ish that randomly occurs in a household with children. A temperature that’s 2 degrees over the norm, or a baby whining because of a missed nap can drastically curve Mommy and Daddy’s care about meeting up for drinks and chatter!
  2. We are TIRED!!! Like, not normal tired. The type of unbearable exhaustion where you fall asleep on the toilet and sneakily nod off while your child is reading “Corduroy” to you for the 678,467th time today!! Please understand that all of that Great intention we had to make it to your housewarming just got flushed down the toilet as Soon as we sat down in one spot!
  3. We DON’T HAVE A BABYSITTER!!! Contrary to popular belief and practices, there are seriously only like two people in the Entire Universe, outside of ourselves, that we will allow to keep our children! Yes, we continuously crack jokes about how people can “come and get them” but ummmm, not so much! If those two individuals aren’t available, we will All stay at home! Period. There is NO outing serious enough to hound somebody to watch our children, or sacrifice their safety Just to say we attended the hottest night out of the year. Fail! That’s why we both went to college and had a whole lot of fun and got that all out of our systems! We don’t feel guilty or as if we’re missing out on anything. Sorry, but Not sorry.
  4. If ONE of us can’t attend, nine times out of ten NEITHER of us will attend!!! This is a hard one for people to understand, and we’ve lost friendships over the concept. We are Married. We are not pals, boyfriend & girlfriend, or side buddies. We are a union. A team. We make our appearances together in the situations that call for it. This isn’t really negotiable. If hubby is sick and shut in, so am I, and vice-versa. Of course this doesn’t apply to the token Girl’s or Guy’s Night Out. We respect each other’s individualized socialization. I’m referring to the things we are Both hoped to be in attendance for. This also applies to situations where one spouse may think/know that the crowd at a certain event is questionable. Again, nothing personal against You, but we choose not to put ourselves in awkward or obviously drama-filled situations when we don’t have to!
  5. We actually DO have a FINANCIAL BUDGET and PRIORITIES!!! Not to rain on the parade of your $100/meal dinner party, but this week’s automatic tuition debiting from the Chase account, and the Costco diaper/wipe stock-up will probably hold a higher level of importance for us. I can cook you a fabulous meal, serve you a wonderful glass of wine, play some classic jazz tunes, and indulge you in the ambiance of my Own darn home! All for under $200. We still Love You though! 🙂
  6. WE JUST DON’T WANT TO GO!!! Yep, it sounds rude as hell, a bit pretentious, and will probably cause our invites to dwindle in the near future, but it’s Honest. The very few times that we actually get alone, we just want to enjoy each other! We still DO enjoy each other and we aren’t going to apologize for that. Sometimes we even just want to be left alone as a family with our boys and just relax.

Now all of this isn’t to say that we don’t like you, are trying to purposely be douche bags, or ‘unsupportive’. But we are humans! We want people to Overstand that. We love and appreciate all of friends and family, but guess what?? WE come First…and we Don’t want you to take that personal!

DJ Goes to Pre-Kindergarten!!!

DJ's First Day of School

So here we are! My oldest little booger is officially going to school! He was ecstatic, I was emotionally confused, Dad was proud, and Devin could care less :-D. We have officially become That family. The family with a serious daily routine, a non-negotiable precisely followed schedule, a special ‘lunch items’ grocery list, parent-teacher nights, show-n-tell Fridays, classmate birthday party invites, carpools, field trips…and Utter parent exhaustion! 😦 My husband and I probably haven’t made whoopee in about a week because as soon as the last ankle-biter goes down, we are slobbing on a pillow! Don’t get me wrong. This is one of the most rewarding times of our lives, being able to watch our son skip off to his prestigious wonderland of privileged education, in his navy blue blazer, tie, and grey slacks. We dreamed of this day! We pat ourselves on the back for being able to provide this for him. We smirk a little each time someone inquires about his school and curriculum. But what does this all mean for DJ??? After all, he’s just a regular 4-year old boy who still needs assistance wiping himself for number two, considers “Peter the Rabbit” a literary masterpiece, and thinks that Iron Man and chocolate milk are the Best things ever introduced into his little life! He’s still just a Kid!!

Surprisingly, with all of the changes that have taken place since 4 weeks ago, the prodigal son seems to be adjusting perfectly fine. Aside from overcoming a couple of ‘shady grey’ days where he popped a couple of other rambunctious 4-year olds for getting on his nerves, it’s all been going pretty well. Then there’s “the girl” that has already helped him get his genuinely naive, loving soul into trouble. They’ve already been separated to different tables. That’s his girl…Let’s not forget that he Is his Father’s child! 🙂 We have, however, had to give him the 4-year old version of the “Domestic Violence is a Huge No-No” speech just as a general precaution.

Ultimately, we have begun to see the return on investment in terms of his increased socialization skills. As far as we were concerned as parents, DJ could have continued to go to my Mom’s house everyday, have his “Learning Time”, and still be a genius. The huge deficit we noticed early on was his need to be better socialized with his peers and those outside of his immediate address. Being an only child for three years afforded him the ability to be uno numero in every aspect of his life. Unfortunately, that is not how the real world will view or treat you, and I have never been too arrogant or prideful to realize that. My child needed to know how to interact with, be considerate of, and have respect towards others. We have truly seen that change. He has gained friends, enjoys playing with them, and learned that they have emotions and perceptions as well. Kids need balance!

So as we continue to adjust and sketch ourselves into this new life-mold, I will continue to share the experience with you. In the midst of this, I will probably have my Prozac dosage adjusted, my wine club membership put on auto-renew, and make sure that my birth control pills are Always pre-ordered a month in advance! Matter of fact, as I attempt to finish this entry while Devin keeps attacking the keyboard, drooling on my arm, and trying to play baby football with the mouse…I think I might actually look into that whole tubal ligation thing!!