Ectopic Pregnancy and Loving After Loss

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As the new age millennials say, “I’ve been all up in my feelings this morning.” Two years ago to this day I sat in a stiff hospital bed, staring blankly at an egg-plant painted wall, wondering if I would ever be the same. Would my marriage ever be the same? Would my body ever be the same? Would I still be a good Mommy to my two-year old? Would I ever be able to face all of those people I had so excitedly gushed about our newly expected arrival to?

On October 7, 2013, I suffered one of the most common conditions experienced by almost 200,000 women a year: an ectopic pregnancy. For those who have never heard of or don’t truly understand it, ectopic pregnancy (extrauterine pregnancy), occurs when the fertilized egg implants outside of the uterus and continues to develop there. Typically the fetus attempts to grow within a fallopian tube. This is not a healthy nor sustainable pregnancy, and depending on how far along the Mother is there will either be oral treatment to permanently dissolve the pregnancy, or in more severe cases, emergency surgery. I fell into the latter group. I also had to lose a fallopian tube.

While my husband and I had planned for this new little life, we never penciled in the concept of someone telling us that he or she may never see the light of day. This was hard. I was a seemingly healthy young woman in her early 30s. I had a normal first pregnancy with no complications. I prayed every night, Thanked God every day, we were really good people…and my baby was still gone. No one could logically explain it to me, even in the sense of medical mumbo jumbo. All I kept hearing was the all too nerve-wrecking “Sometimes these types of things just happen.” The Hell You Say!!! Not to ME! Not to US! Not MY family!

As I’ve stated before in my published Ebony article, days rolled into nights and nights took way too long to go away. Despite my pain, my strength for my husband and my love for our son was my main concern. I cried in the shower and sat in my own awkward silence throughout day when no one was around. When I was finally able to log back into social media, I wasn’t all that comfortable yet about interacting with people, seeing pictures of babies, or being completely honest about how I felt. When I go through things on a serious level, I become the poster child for every stereotypical characteristic of an introvert. I don’t want pity parties or thousands of phone calls. I’ll text you to let you know that I’m alive, and the rest you can get from my husband. However, you realize at some point that life goes on, you aren’t the only one to go through this, and in fact, there are some who have suffered worse. You get a bit more humble about your experience, but you never get over it.

Last year on October 9, 2014, I pushed out an 8 lb bundle of healthy joy and my life changed forever! Devin and I have a bond that No One can or will ever understand. Of course I still often wonder longingly who that child would’ve been, but then I look into Devin’s eyes and I get my answer. People often criticize or judge my husband and I for the tremendously strong relationship that we have, and how seriously we take our family unit. Now you know why. Loving after Loss isn’t easy, but together you can make it through!

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8 thoughts on “Ectopic Pregnancy and Loving After Loss

  1. What a beautiful story…the beauty comes from sharing with someone else who might be going through a same or similar experience. You are truly a talented and gifted journalist.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This story touched my heart for so many reasons. Sharing your thoughts during and after an experience like that is and has been so key for me. Same experience, September 6th 2009. Remember laying there like “why, did you have to take both. My child and my tube!”….needless to say it was a bad day and even after 8 weeks off work, I wasn’t ready. Then I got pregnant again right after. I was nervous for 4 straight months. In August 2010 we had our first son. 6 years, 3 kids later I still occasionally think of that fall day. The day of that lost never goes by without a thought, It just makes me feel blessed and thankful every moment of everyday for what I do have.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for writing this. On October 13, 1985, after the Dr. told me I miscarried and performed a D & C, I had the most excruciating pain in my life. Three days later the Dr. discovered I actually had an ectopic pregnancy, and my fallopian tube had burst. Why I didn’t bleed to death won’t be known until I get to heaven. The trauma of the event, along with the tragic loss were almost too much to bear. Having a two year old daughter at home helped/forced me back to reality. I was so frightened to get pregnant again, it took months to start trying. Then, after having no trouble getting pregnant the first two times, nothing happened. The Dr. ran tests, we tried fertility drugs, and nothing. I never stopped trying – never used birth control again. I guess God only wanted us to have one child. I’ve always felt that ectopic pregnancy isn’t taken as seriously as a miscarriage. It’s actually more serious, as the mother’s life is at risk, and infertility is often a result. It’s nice to be able to talk about it with someone who knows first hand what it’s like. I’m sorry you had to experience it, but so happy to hear you were able to get pregnant again and now have your beautiful baby boy, Devin.

    BTW, found your blog thanks to the 6 Reasons post on Huffington. Boy did you stir the pot!!!! Loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol, Thank You Barb and I am So Sorry for your loss. I always post things in the hopes that I can inspire or encourages others, or just to make someone laugh 😊…Mommies just get it!

      Like

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