5 Real Explanations as to Why Your Friends Aren’t Clapping For You


About a week or so ago Viola Davis won an Emmy over Taraji P. Henson. Not only did Taraji leap in celebration of her friend, she sincerely supported her success and was genuinely happy for her. No jealousy. No spite. No resentment. Consequently, this popular televised event has caused women Worldwide to now began questioning their own friendships with their girlfriends, giving birth to the quickly coined catchphrase “Who’s really clapping for you when you win??”

I think as women we tend to be a bit more loaded in our intentions with each other. It isn’t always purposefully, but it is indeed something you can catch and check real fast; that is if you actually want to! Some of us will go years fighting the same battle with the same chick and then keep wondering why the friendship sucks. Going through the maze of several friendship zones, I’m going to go ahead and just let you in on a couple of reasons as to why your friends probably aren’t supporting you.

  1. You have what she wants and she has no idea how to get it – This one is tough and falls into the unintentional category. Let me say this though, the green-eyed monster is a very dangerous thing, and it will fester! — She got a slight nervous tic when you finished Grad school before she did. Her migraines came back when you called her in happy tears about getting engaged a year later. She flat-out had to call her therapist and request an emergency session when you instant messaged her the picture of your positive pregnancy test! — She’s still trying to figure out how to tell the Starbucks barista that she thinks he’s hot, and your ass has fulfilled the “American Dream” before 30! She’s frustrated and annoyed by your successes, but she can’t help it though. The old saying rings Very true here: “It’s hard to be happy for someone else when you aren’t completely happy with yourself!” If you all are true friends however, this won’t break you and it will eventually work itself out.
  2. She’s holding on to old pain that just won’t allow her to celebrate you – This one can go pretty closely hand in hand with the first one, but there’s a slight difference. This may be the friend that isn’t necessarily jealous of you, but instead really resentful about some sort of hurt you may have caused her in the past. She hasn’t let this go. Not sure if she truly ever will. She has to want to, and You have to know that all of the ‘I’m Sorry’ affirmations in the world may just not ever be enough. Some people live their lives dwelling on negativity and pain. It’s their defense mechanism against actually solving the problem at hand, being an adult, and moving on. It takes a rather strong person to be able to do this. Your girl just might not be the one who knows how.
  3. You’re boastful about all of your wonderful accomplishments and she wants to punch you in the face – Now this friend can be pretty damn funny! This is actually probably going to be your Best Friend, and the most valuable asset in your life. Why? Because she is going to tell your little snooty butt the truth! She could care less what pedestal the universe has placed you on, and she will keep reminding you of who you are and where you really come from. She already knows that you’re her ace in the hole regardless, so she may not necessarily do a cheerleading routine every single time you get a gold star! Keep her! She’s irreplaceable! 😉
  4. She’s just not on your level – Plain and simple. People grow and evolve in life. Everyone doesn’t do this at the same pace, and you have to realize that some just won’t understand the things you’re tying to do! Some people are fine with being stagnant and you need to let them stay that way! Know that your friendship had a good run and that it’s probably time to let it go. Remember, you are the company that you keep!
  5. She doesn’t actually like you – Don’t laugh or get upset here. There is more truth in this one than them all. Do you know how many women you have occupying your space that probably don’t even like you for real??? You have to be careful with this one. She won’t be as obvious as the rest. She will be the friend attached to you like a leach, but also the same one that secretly pokes holes in your rowboat right before she knows you’re about to sail off! There’s no real rhyme or reason as to why she continues to stick around or what her intentions are. Just know that you gotta get rid of her. I’ve met up with this kind one too many times in my life and can tell you exactly what to look for…
    1. She’s always in your damn face! It’s actually an oxymoronic pretty creepy issue.
    2. She’s always in your man’s damn face! Super Side Eye.
    3. She always has some smug comment or sideline jab to throw your way as an indirect insult.
    4. She plays all of the sides in several different friendships (i.e. She’s friends with all the friends, of the groups, who can’t stand each other). You cannot trust her!
    5. Drama and unfortunate circumstances always seem to manifest when she’s involved or comes around. Negative energy!

So pay attention and keep your eyes open! Now that you have a bit more insight into some of the characteristics of the non-clappers, you can act accordingly, make appropriate decisions, and move on with your life. As I always say, people can only affect you when you allow them to. That woman who isn’t in your corner really shouldn’t even make your stride skip a beat! If she does though…Fight your fire, Fix your collar, Fluff your fro, Clap for Yourself, and Keep It Movin!!

~Those are two of my AWESOME clappers pictured above by the way!! 😉


82 thoughts on “5 Real Explanations as to Why Your Friends Aren’t Clapping For You

  1. I’m most definitely that friend you’re talking about in #3… I can’t stand people who brag all the time and a few other similar things. I usually just roll my eyes and slowly shake my head side to side and I might let out a “oh my goodness, girl stop” instead of wanting to throw a punch LOL. I most definitely cheer and encourage all the time. There’s enough success for us all to get some! 🙂 Good read!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am just saying Lord help me be an encourager I want to see us all succeed as we go after our life’s passion. Even as a young girl I felt and as a woman feel this way. Those who can’t won’t or don’t you aren’t able too because of personal issues my answer keep be you and rise to your greatness and when they are ready reach back and pull your Sister up she doesn’t know better. If she did she surely would do better. Until then #Encourageyourself. GODFIRST MY MANTRA


  2. I had this very conversation with someone abt my “best friend” of 15 years who has seem to be negative ever since I got engaged. It’s absolutely crazy how people can be and what people can turn into. Great read!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • bnwlkr, I’ve been there too, and I would encourage you to have this conversation next WITH your “best friend” instead of just ABOUT your best friend. Talking about someone rarely does any good. But a good, non confrontational conversation intended for you to understand her perspective and for you to share how you feel may save you years of drama.


  3. I absolutely Luv, Luv, Luv this post and how you broke it down…So much so I could not read it in it’s entirety before commenting. ..So please forgive me in advance if I repeat or mention something you already stated…I have learned since I was young that people who envy you can come in many different forms. ..and those closest to you at times are least happy with you and your accomplishments. .While somewhere in their heart of hearts they may be genuinely happy for you, at the same time they are just as much unhappy with themselves..to recognize it.. It’s never about you persay rather it’s all about them and their unaddressed insecurities….Another fact is the word friend much like the word love is being used so loosely to the point the root of its meaning is no longer an actual solid root. When we become more selfless we can become less selfish….My grandmother taught me to be a giver on purpose without expectation…she taught me to be a supporter and nurturer by default not by design so your appreciation and admiration for others will show from within and not on display for all to see. …She raised 5 daughters and 4 biological sons plus one or two who weren’t.. I did not learn the difference until I became an adult and never via words parted from her mouth.. Her values, integrity and character were not acts to be nominated for awards…she never exchanged a deed for a deed and finally she never measured her relationships by the tokens, gifts, recognition or “CLAPS” if you will. I became the woman I am today as a result and for me it’s just this simple “To Find A Friend You Have To Be A Friend”….. I can count on one hand the friendship that when clapping for me, they are clapping with me…

    Great post. ….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wonder how many of us on this thread actually fit into one of the categories and actually don’t realize it…Hmmmm…It’s usually SO much easier to spot the ‘flaw’ in others…ijs

    Liked by 2 people

  5. This was such a great read! You totally hit the nail on the head. At the age of 25, I’m quickly learning that everyone is not my friend. I’m a lot more aware of who is clapping for me and who is not so secretly plotting my demise. “Friend” is a term often used to loosely that should really be reserved.


    Liked by 2 people

  6. I can truly say that I have been friend #1 before. Things were just so unhappy in my life. I was happy for my friend whose life seemed prefect at the time, but her life made me unhappy about my life. You are so right, I didn’t know how to get there. The good thing about it though, was I told her how I felt, and over time it did work itself out. We are still friends today, and clapping for one another. On the other hand I was dumped by a friend of 20 years and I still don’t know why. I believe she was friend #1,2 and 4. I wonder now were we every friends at all, and if she ever liked me. This was such a good read… Thanks

    Liked by 2 people

    • LaVonya,

      I can relate to losing or questioning a long time friendship ending with no closure…I too would think to myself what was it, if it was genuine all along etc… I made one or more attempts to seek closure with her but she never abliged…It woutdoor always be excuses, empty promises and the like until I realized some relationships end without closure and it was time to just let it go…I had to allow myself to grieve and feel my feelings because in essence it was a loss, death of a 20+yrs relationships that I valued and truly believed she too valued at one time or another. People change, people outgrow each other and disconnect. ..the whole reasons, seasons cliche. ..I try to learn from my experiences and try not to repeat them moving forward.


  7. This was such a great blog . This really hit home with me. A couple months ago, I was literally crying to my man because my friends would call me out of the blue just to inquire about my relationship. They didn’t seemed to be concerned about my well being, my family’s well being etc. All they wanted to know was if I was still seeing him and how things were going. When they didn’t hear any negative reports, they would start insinuating that my man wasn’t a good guy or serious about me because we weren’t engaged to be married. When in fact he and I had discussed marriage but agreed we weren’t quite ready yet. To have my friends call to interrogate me about my relationship and my man really hurt my feelings and disappointed me. After all they know that I am a single mother of three that had been in a very abusive relationship with my children’s father for years and it was obvious that I was now in a healthy and happy relationship. All I wanted was to meet someone that loved and valued me and my children that I could feel safe being with. I couldn’t understand why they were being so critical of and consumed with my relationship instead of being happy for me and now I know why. Thanks for the article

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Why Are Your Friends Hating on Your Success? | soulfulbeauty.com

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