About a week or so ago Viola Davis won an Emmy over Taraji P. Henson. Not only did Taraji leap in celebration of her friend, she sincerely supported her success and was genuinely happy for her. No jealousy. No spite. No resentment. Consequently, this popular televised event has caused women Worldwide to now began questioning their own friendships with their girlfriends, giving birth to the quickly coined catchphrase “Who’s really clapping for you when you win??”
I think as women we tend to be a bit more loaded in our intentions with each other. It isn’t always purposefully, but it is indeed something you can catch and check real fast; that is if you actually want to! Some of us will go years fighting the same battle with the same chick and then keep wondering why the friendship sucks. Going through the maze of several friendship zones, I’m going to go ahead and just let you in on a couple of reasons as to why your friends probably aren’t supporting you.
- You have what she wants and she has no idea how to get it – This one is tough and falls into the unintentional category. Let me say this though, the green-eyed monster is a very dangerous thing, and it will fester! — She got a slight nervous tic when you finished Grad school before she did. Her migraines came back when you called her in happy tears about getting engaged a year later. She flat-out had to call her therapist and request an emergency session when you instant messaged her the picture of your positive pregnancy test! — She’s still trying to figure out how to tell the Starbucks barista that she thinks he’s hot, and your ass has fulfilled the “American Dream” before 30! She’s frustrated and annoyed by your successes, but she can’t help it though. The old saying rings Very true here: “It’s hard to be happy for someone else when you aren’t completely happy with yourself!” If you all are true friends however, this won’t break you and it will eventually work itself out.
- She’s holding on to old pain that just won’t allow her to celebrate you – This one can go pretty closely hand in hand with the first one, but there’s a slight difference. This may be the friend that isn’t necessarily jealous of you, but instead really resentful about some sort of hurt you may have caused her in the past. She hasn’t let this go. Not sure if she truly ever will. She has to want to, and You have to know that all of the ‘I’m Sorry’ affirmations in the world may just not ever be enough. Some people live their lives dwelling on negativity and pain. It’s their defense mechanism against actually solving the problem at hand, being an adult, and moving on. It takes a rather strong person to be able to do this. Your girl just might not be the one who knows how.
- You’re boastful about all of your wonderful accomplishments and she wants to punch you in the face – Now this friend can be pretty damn funny! This is actually probably going to be your Best Friend, and the most valuable asset in your life. Why? Because she is going to tell your little snooty butt the truth! She could care less what pedestal the universe has placed you on, and she will keep reminding you of who you are and where you really come from. She already knows that you’re her ace in the hole regardless, so she may not necessarily do a cheerleading routine every single time you get a gold star! Keep her! She’s irreplaceable! 😉
- She’s just not on your level – Plain and simple. People grow and evolve in life. Everyone doesn’t do this at the same pace, and you have to realize that some just won’t understand the things you’re tying to do! Some people are fine with being stagnant and you need to let them stay that way! Know that your friendship had a good run and that it’s probably time to let it go. Remember, you are the company that you keep!
- She doesn’t actually like you – Don’t laugh or get upset here. There is more truth in this one than them all. Do you know how many women you have occupying your space that probably don’t even like you for real??? You have to be careful with this one. She won’t be as obvious as the rest. She will be the friend attached to you like a leach, but also the same one that secretly pokes holes in your rowboat right before she knows you’re about to sail off! There’s no real rhyme or reason as to why she continues to stick around or what her intentions are. Just know that you gotta get rid of her. I’ve met up with this kind one too many times in my life and can tell you exactly what to look for…
- She’s always in your damn face! It’s actually an oxymoronic pretty creepy issue.
- She’s always in your man’s damn face! Super Side Eye.
- She always has some smug comment or sideline jab to throw your way as an indirect insult.
- She plays all of the sides in several different friendships (i.e. She’s friends with all the friends, of the groups, who can’t stand each other). You cannot trust her!
- Drama and unfortunate circumstances always seem to manifest when she’s involved or comes around. Negative energy!
So pay attention and keep your eyes open! Now that you have a bit more insight into some of the characteristics of the non-clappers, you can act accordingly, make appropriate decisions, and move on with your life. As I always say, people can only affect you when you allow them to. That woman who isn’t in your corner really shouldn’t even make your stride skip a beat! If she does though…Fight your fire, Fix your collar, Fluff your fro, Clap for Yourself, and Keep It Movin!!
~Those are two of my AWESOME clappers pictured above by the way!! 😉