But First…You Gotta Let Your Ex Go

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You probably thought this was an article about Chris Brown & Karrueche eh? NOT!…but you still need to hear this though!

Happily almost ever after just shattered your entire little world! He/She was the sugar in your Kool-Aid and the perfect verse over a dope beat. This relationship changed your angry Facebook rants to giddy memes with little hearts doodled in the corner. You’ve since been able to now watch Love Jones and entirely get the concept of “Nina & Darius” completely free of judgment. Regular ‘rollover’ puts an extra sprint in your step, and Date Nights have replaced weekend turn-up adventures at the club. You got this close to going to Jared, and she has practiced her predictably emotional “YES!” reply in front of her mirror a gazillion times…and then y’all broke up.

So now what? You probably are both going to spend like 6 months trying to find yourselves, your lives, and your dignity. You deactivate that above-mentioned Facebook page because it’s a lot easier than going through all 50 million albums and statuses you made, trying to erase anything that even slightly exhibits remembrance or representation of the Ex. We won’t even talk about all of the shared posts and tagged pics that you might have to endure because you two know ALL of the same damn people! Every song reminds you of them and you now drive 10 miles out of your way every day to avoid “Our Starbucks” and go to one where no one knows you. Last but not least, you pretty much just purchase all new furniture, bedding, and underwear because…you just can’t!

Well now your six month Pity Party is coming to an end, and I’m being very generous with this timeframe. Pay the bill, clean up the venue, wish your guests well, and walk AWAY from this party! What exactly do I mean by this metaphor?? I’m glad you asked…

  • Stop Being a Hater – No, but seriously. It just doesn’t look good. Let the new Boo be! Even all of those friends and associates who may cheer you on and laugh at  your tasteless jokes are shaking their heads behind your back. There is nothing worse than letting everyone know just how bitter you are.
    • New Boo is built like a brick-house, with thick flawless natural hair from the Gods, and a wardrobe game to rival New York Fashion Week. You’re still trying to figure out how to Zumba off your muffin top, you’ve lost all of your edges from wearing tight bad weaves, and your regular outfit consists of leggings and your high school alumni tee. So what do you do? Grab your BFF and attentively go through every shred of her Facebook page, making commentary on why “she really isn’t all that cute.” Get it together woman. Use whatever insecurities she brings out of you to make yourself better!
    • Man Crush Monday has a nice car. You have Geo Tracker. So you find ridiculous ways to try and downplay his impeccable apparatus of transportation by saying dumb ish like “Man, that car ain’t even in his name!” Stop It! That Tracker wouldn’t be in your name either if it wasn’t 50 years old, twice paid off, with a transferred title from your Momma!
  • Stop Texting Them – Texting these days makes it easy to be passive-aggressive and even easier to be a professional psycho stalker! He/She doesn’t care that you got a new job, lost your dog, grew a beard, dyed your hair purple, saw Jesus at the grocery store, or even that a family member may have passed (I know this one is harsh but some of you use this a LOT as leverage!). No “Good Mornings” and “TTYL” or “Good Nights” with the goofy-grinning emojis! Part of your healing process will come in eliminating this person from your communication mainframe. You’re only texting that Ex for a couple of reasons, and they all need to cease:
    • You want validation from them because you’re not getting it from anyone else right now, and you know it’s easy to get from them.
    • You want them to know that you’re doing well without them, and at the same time, make sure that their lives are miserable without you.
    • You want them back, know that isn’t an option, and you settle for whatever small piece of them that you can get.
    • You know they have another significant other and you’re trying to start ish. I’ve done this one before. It didn’t play out well. Don’t get your feelings hurt out here on dummy!
  • Forgive Them – One of my most favorite books of all time is by Iyanla Vanzant, Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything. If you struggle with the principles and effectiveness of forgiving others, go purchase this now, start reading, and free your conscience! There is nowhere positive that you can get in life with a distressed and heavy heart & mind towards another person. Please understand this! They cheated on you and destroyed your perception of trust. I get it. We all do. It’s devastating but guess what; you’re going to have to get all the way Over it! Learn the lesson, take the notes, write a song about it, buy some new lipstick, do ten push-ups, and keep it moving. Old baggage turns into new psychological suitcases, and now you’re no good to any damn body. Say it with me: This too shall pass!
  • Know Who You Probably Need to Remove From Your Life Now That You’re No Longer Together – Quit calling his Momma, going to get your nails done with his sister, hooping with her brother on Monday nights, commenting under all of their friend’s/family’s social media posts, and using their best friend as your new therapist. These are all side-eye shady moves and will hurt no one but yourself! If you didn’t have a significant tie to any of these people before you two became an item, nine times out of ten, you don’t need one now. It’s a conflict of interest, trust, and just an overall bad idea that isn’t worth the simmering fire.
  • GO and DATE – Yeah, yeah, yeah, your Ex was the absolute Best thing that ever happened to you, the Best looking person that you’ve ever laid eyes on, and you’ll never have a connection with anyone else like you had with them…That’s why y’all are still together right???  — They are an Ex for a reason, and you have to give yourself permission to push forward and explore others. Constant comparison of your Ex will keep you only focused on your Ex. While I do think people should allow themselves time alone to get it together, I also believe that entering back into the dating world is healthy and necessary for healing.

Moral of this story…Get over yourself, your situation, and more importantly, Get Over Your Ex!! 

 

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