What You Said on Facebook, and What it Actually Meant in Real Life Pt. II

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I originally intended to get this out sooner, but anticipation builds desire and absence makes the heart grow fonder. So you all should be good and ready! I even poke fun at myself in one of these! Wonder if you can guess which one?? ūüėČ

Before you dive head first into Part II, you must revisit and get reacquainted with the first post, What You Said On Facebook, and What it Actually Meant in Real Life Pt. I . 

So, let’s keep the party going!

Facebook Post: “I just wanted to let y’all know that at 11:59pm I am Unfollowing ALL of my friends, and then getting off of Facebook until tomorrow at 3pm, because I just can’t deal with it all anymore! Too many Negative Nancys and NaySayers on my timeline! No time for Drama! I’m starting my life over at Midnight! #Boom #GoodBye #Block #Unfollow #NoNewFriends #GoinToIyanlasHouse #FixinMyLife #ImBetterThanThat”

Real Life Translation: Facebook is actually all that I have going on in my life and I NEED y’all to make me feel important by posting this ridiculous announcement. I actually want to Stay on Facebook 24/7 for the rest of my entire life, but then I’ll seem too thirsty. Plus, making a PSA about leaving will make people beg me to stay…

My Personal Commentary: If you’re going to Unfollow, Block, Unfriend, Nail to the Cross, and Excommunicate anybody on FB…just do it! We don’t need the extra dramatic disclosure to make yourself seem more paramount than you actually are.

Facebook Post: ¬†“My mother’s baby sister’s daughter-in-law, twice removed, from a previous marriage passed on yesterday. She isn’t on Facebook, but I want her to know that she will be missed. Please send a Hallelujah through Jesus directly to my family in their time of sorrow”

Real Life Translation: I’ve been low on likes this week, and even though I know Damn well that NOBODY on my Facebook page knows or even really cares about this person’s death, my sharing it with total strangers on social media with somehow help them to Rest in Peace, and make me feel better about my stance with humanity on Facebook

My Personal Commentary: Stop This Today people! While I know that often times people need support and words of encouragement to help grieve the loss of a loved one, I Don’t however believe that making a PR broadcast about something so heavily sensitive and somber about someone that none of your FB friends even know is necessary. We have to start discerning what is FB-worthy, and what needs to be left at the alter.

Facebook Post: “OMG! I absolutely LOVE my natural hair! My twa is really coming along! All-Natural everything! Natural hair is all of the things that a perm Never was or will be! If you still wear a perm I will throw rocks at you dipped in coconut oil and shea butter! #Naturalista #NaturalIsLife #FroLife #TeamNoPerm #HappilyNappy #NewJourney #EmbracingMyBeauty”

Real Life Translation: I am twelve minutes and ten seconds from putting on a hoody and some sunglasses, and taking my Naturally Happy ass to the store to buy a relaxer! I’m in the in-between stage where I look like Celie, but wish I looked like the perfect natural broads on YouTube! I will continue writing posts like this, however, to get praises from the other natural gals, and to convince myself and others that I’m ok with my newly embarked upon ¬†natural pilgrimage right now.

My Personal Commentary: Take some Hairfinity vitamins, oil your scalp, drink more water, and shut Up! We get it! You’ve “gone natural” and now feel like you’ve somehow catapulted yourself into a more superior category of life.We also know that you aren’t 100% confident in your new look and that you want¬†your FB friends to give you the stamp of approval that will make you feel more comfortably entwined in your naps. Nope! You have to know that the type of acceptance you’re seeking comes from within sweetheart!

Facebook Post: “Team Single! I don’t Need no man! These ninjas ain’t ish no way! I’m too good to settle! #TeamIndependent #TeamMe #WorkinOnSelf #WaitingOnMyBoaz”

Real Life Translation: I can’t get/keep a man to save my damn life! The closest I can get is becoming a side-chick or mistress, so I’ve just convinced myself that I’m too good for anyone instead of looking within and trying to find out what the Real problem may be. I don’t know how to just be cool and wait it out. Besides, I’d be devastated if Facebook knew that I was actually lonely and frustrated.

My Personal Commentary: Do You Boo, but just be honest about it! At the end of the day you must also always remember that nine times out of ten FB sees right through you! If you don’t have a man, who cares! It’s better to just be yourself or be quiet!

Facebook Post: “The approbation of the propaganda, that lies within the afrocentrism of the gentrification, intertwined throughout the economical mass incarceration of the negroid enlightenment, is that the Black Lives Matter Movement is coonery”

Real Life Translation: I Just discovered books and that there was more to life than what I half-paid attention to in college. So now, I’m regurgitating everything that comes across my eyeballs, in deep need of some serious intellectual guidance. I post these types of things to sound Really smart and culturally conscious. In reality, I’m kind of an idiot.

My Personal Commentary: While I applaud everyone’s journey towards a higher acquisition of knowledge, there are those that we want to punch in the face for being so annoyingly overly cultivated that they begin to just sound foolish. We’re all happy that you finally decided to be smart. Just know what you’re talking about before you start pressing ‘post’ on FB.

When all is said and done, I believe the bulk of these situations lie within the need to feel accepted and validated on some level. Facebook has become the biggest platform for self-reflection, gross narcissism, and lack of esteem… We’re doing things to be liked, thus our continued propensity to #DoItForTheLikes

Photo Cred: Kaboompics 

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