Why I am Not Here For the “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” Movement

 

 

1914144_128260502853_2757940_n

Lurking on social media I see all types of preposterous mentions of questionable opinions. Lately there has been one pretty spicy topic to come up that I just can’t keep my big mouth shut about.

So let me paint a quick picture…you and your bestie are lounging in the living room, sipping Pino and talking ish. All of a sudden, she makes a statement and ends it casually identifying herself as a “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” – PAUSE. Now I have some pretty loose-tongued, low-tolerance, comfortably unapologetic honest friends with overly ‘colorful’ points of view! I can imagine the response to that statement being something in the area of “you’re a WHAT Bish???”, lmbo, I’m just saying…So this now brings me to my controversial question of the day: What in THEE whole hell is a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend???

Let me preface my rant by first saying that I am in No way against girlfriends or women that are not married. Nor do I have any beef with single Moms or honestly secure women who feel as though they just aren’t into marriage. What I do frown upon and act real uncouth about are the many lovely ladies out there lying to kick it and putting up a front about what they know they deserve and want from a man. Our society is all caught up in titles. I get it. If we didn’t have titles we wouldn’t know who actually held some kind of importance, versus who just thought their ass was important and should probably have a seat. You don’t call the Alderman the President of the United States. Feel me?? Anyhow, I believe it is this undying and almost mentally debilitating need to be “Somebody’s Something” in life. People take pride in their roles and hold them with great honor. That being said, all too often we like to be identified with, and put ourselves into, categories of those things we actually aren’t. Traditionally, a Stay-at-Home Wife is one that is married to her mate and usually stays home full-time, at either her own choice or the choice of her spouse…because she can. Let’s go a bit deeper shall we. Wikipedia states the following:

“A housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family’s home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed outside the home.[1] Merriam Webster describes a housewife as a married woman who is in charge of her household. The related term homemaker has almost the same meaning but is not limited to women and does not connote marriage.”

So a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend is actually a homemaker that’s not necessarily a woman??? Sheesh, I’m going to leave that one for another post so let me stay focused!… I also looked up Stay-at-Home Girlfriend and you wanna know what I found besides this cute little newly coined acronym “SAHG”…Comical, cleverly asshole-written SATIRE! And that’s Exactly how I feel about it also! It’s a joke! A punchline! A cunningly cute contrast to a life that you probably want but have settled and convinced yourself that you’re ok without. Yes, I said it. I’ve heard this story WAY too many times of becoming the live-in girlfriend who is still dropping painstakingly awkward hints on the hopeless fact that we “aren’t gonna be Just your girlfriend for too much longer”. Again, if you don’t want to get married, click off of my post now and go sip some tea. However, if you DO, read on and absorb heavily!

If you are single-handedly tending to all of the “duties” mentioned above in the “Housewife” definition, and you are a Girlfriend, YOU my Dear need to re-evaluate your goals in life. Yes, I said it again! Ever heard of the phrase, why would you buy the cow if you’re already getting the milk??? (I think that’s what it says, but you get my point). A HUGE problem women have these days is the fear of standing firm, being aware of their worth, and being afraid to demand what they know they deserve. This has set the pathetic tone of our new age man to not give a damn or have any accountability in long-term relationships! It isn’t all that easy for many men to “be ready” for marriage but I will tell you this…He can be ready all he wants, but if he has someone who happily allows his ass to stay stagnant, he Will! Men need to be challenged! ALL OF THE TIME! Even after you marry them! When you no longer become something he has to work for and continue evolving because of, you become the Sunday paper that he keeps picking up and taking in the house as an habitual gesture; because it’s easier and less messy than leaving them all over the porch every week…Holler when you catch it…

ASK for your damn ring! DEMAND your security! SIT your ass in a house everyday that you also own, and SPEND money from accounts that you have the legal right to as well! Now I know some of that sounds a bit gold-diggerish, but I am being dead serious here! Have some Real life ties to this man! We have TOO many unhappy Black women continuously playing this role instead of getting their shit together! Do you know how many times I’ve gotten the searing glare while out with my children or alone and people (Caucasians) learn that I have a HUSBAND as opposed to a baby daddy or just a boyfriend???? The shit is almost unnerving, but it’s examples such as that which get me so irate at our progressive tendency to just take what we can ’cause at least we got that. FAIL! DO BETTER!

Now in terms of the actual “title”, I won’t be calling you no damn Stay-at-Home Girlfriend! Not solely because I don’t take you seriously, but because when people actually ask ME what I do for a living, I don’t answer them “Oh! I’m a Stay-at-Home Wife!” That’s foolish and nonsensical. I’m a married Mother of two who chooses to stay home and take care of my home and children Full-Time, while I run my own business, as opposed to punching a clock everyday. The value I have within my family cannot be measured by a title, but by what I provide to their lives and well-being. I could care less what you call me, but I won’t ever be downplayed and you will never identify me as a girlfriend. So I ask these girlfriends, why try to appropriate a term essentially originated for a wife’s stature if that truly isn’t what you’re trying to be???…Don’t Worry. I’ll Wait

 

~Also Check Out the Hair Blog via Naturally Happy~

Advertisements

Why I Won’t Subscribe to Your ‘Angry Black Woman’ Cliché

black woman

My role models are a bit different. They aren’t your typical everyday mainstream media household names. While I do appreciate me some Dangerously in Love, Bey Hive has never quite given me the profound inspiration to do much more than dance around my living room in my boy shorts while I Swiffer. No shade to those that have found a soul mate in her, but I am just not that one. While I commend many of our most celebrated and popular celebrities for their success and community contributions, I sit and enviously gaze at a higher plateau of divine being. I’m talking about the Assata Shakur, Angela Davis, Erykah Badu, Nikki Giovanni, Nina Simone, Folorunsho Alakija, Toni Morrison, Iyanla Vanzant, Fannie Lou Hamer, Gwendolyn Brooks type of woman! There is one common entity that make these women noteworthy to me. They all come from a different breed of Black woman. The Black woman who is strong and intense. The Black woman who is passionately opinionated. The Black woman who is educated. The Black woman who is cultured. The Black woman who knows her rights. The Black woman with a story to tell. The Black woman who will make you know and respect her struggle. The Black woman who speaks her mind and fiercely collides with injustice. The Black woman who goes against the grain. The Black woman whose aura lets you know that she’s not the one to mess with…The Black woman who is totally Unapologetic for it all.

All too often our Black women are placed into quite unattractive categories because of our strength. If we talk too loud, disagree too often, curse more than twice in one sentence, are overly confident, or willing to put someone in their place, we are given that dreaded title as the “Angry Black Woman.” I am not here for that load of crap, nor will I ever be! Society has its very strategically oppressive way of diminishing the Black woman’s power, and we continue to let this fly. Each time you hide in the shadows and allow that Queen to fight alone, or worse, judge her because you don’t think her behavior is “lady like” or “appropriate,” you have further encouraged the propagation of our sisterhood decline.

So what’s your real issue with the women who aren’t afraid to possibly ruffle some feathers? Could it be perhaps that she says all of the magically brilliant notions already floating in your little taboo brain? Or maybe you can’t understand how she’s able to get away with such a defiantly honest temperament. I know what it is. It eats you Up inside that this woman is still able to gracefully coexist in a World that constantly tells her she needs to keep her mouth shut and just go along to get along!! Here’s the thing though: You aren’t getting very far traveling in the same rush hour traffic that everybody else is driving in as well. Get it yet?? Shakur’s publication, Assata: An Autobiography, is a literary masterpiece and pretty much changed my life! Her courage, calculated persistence, and lethal tongue lashings gave me a firm sense of super Black girl self-empowerment! They don’t make women like this anymore, and if they do, we don’t celebrate them as cultural icons. We shun them for stepping out of their place.

Of course I can’t address the issue of the feared and resilient Strong black woman without mentioning her said role in her romantic relationships. Again, the types of women I’m talking about are scarce. The backbone is detached and has been replaced by the pseudo Perfect Patty, love-starved weakling who is simply happy to have a man. You all know who I’m referring to. The girlfriend of yours that you want to back hand because she can’t seem to find her own brain functioning in between his cerebral cogitation. She’s lost without his “insight” and has no clue as to the contents of her own identity. She’s the sister friend that won’t remove her weave or wear her hair in its natural state because her man says he doesn’t like ‘nappy’ hair.  She doesn’t drink more than one glass of wine while at dinner because he thinks she’s had enough. She narrows her list of those she is allowed to befriend because he doesn’t want her hanging around, and being influenced by, us strong ones with a big mouth. 😉 You get where I’m going with this — Just as no life is worth living when you relinquish the innate potential to be yourself, neither is any relationship worth participating in where someone is dangling your puppet strings! Just my opinion, but what do I know?

Last but certainly not least, a huge reason why you won’t catch me buying into society’s Euro-saturated version of what I should be is because of the future! Specifically, the futures of the two little Kings that are from my womb. I owe them, at minimum, that regard of being an image of the formidably grounded, audacious Black woman that they will need to have by their sides one day! With all of the struggles facing our Black men these days, there is nothing more important than the strength and awareness of the woman watching his back!

So remain secure in your impression, purposeful in your efforts, and forthright in your delivery. You never know when you’re being that voice and energy that someone needs. As my Granny always used to say…“Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind!”