Just Who Does SHE Think She Is

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Who IS this chick? This calculatingly cocky, positively presumptuous, seductively savage ball of feminine mystical brilliance!

You’re absolutely tired of her antics and a bit irked by your inner and uncontrollable  desire to remain enthralled within her aura, and see what she’s doing now. You can’t avoid women like this. They’re the movers and the shakers, the power players. They don’t actually create the controversy, but instead plant the seeds to get the harvest growing. You  painstakingly try to figure out how she so gracefully gets away with murder, not ever realizing that she never actually touches the gun…

Seriously though, again, who IS this chick and Just Who Does SHE Think She Is??

  • Who Does She Think She Is…always affirming her strength and aptitude.
  • Who Does She Think She Is…unapologetically going against the grain.
  • Who Does She Think She Is…living the life she was actually destined for.
  • Who Does She Think She Is…challenging the norm.
  • Who Does She Think She Is…rich and well-versed in her cultural identity.
  • Who Does She Think She Is…continuously overcoming adversity.

Who Does She Think She Is…and more importantly, Why Do You Care?

SHE is a Queen. She is unapologetic in her actions and her life choices. While needing no validation from her peers, she thrives in her own confidence and appreciation for every stride she makes. Her perspectives aren’t easily wavered, and her philosophies are usually based on fact rather than popular opinion. She’s regal in her demeanor and often exudes an intimidating disposition. She’s probably the sweetest girl in the room, but your worst nightmare during a questionable encounter. She isn’t afraid to speak her mind and silence your ignorance. Don’t ever misconceive her brief quiet moments for overall weakness. Remember, she is calculated. She’s fierce at chess and knows precisely how to play each move. She’s often even-tempered and indifferent, but never unaware or naive. She’s a force to be reckoned with in her professional endeavors, and makes moves inaudibly, leaving her adversaries in utter unforeseen awe upon each accomplishment. Her explicit personality has no room in her romantic relationship. While she demands the utmost respect from her mate, she’s delicate enough to know when submission is necessary; hence the fact that she actually has a good relationship. Trust is entertained quite loosely with her, as she has lived life enough to know that most hit dogs will holler. She’s mysterious yet colorful, and says the things that most will only think. Her transparency is refreshing and intriguing, as it becomes puzzling to see a woman of her stature not be perfect. Her children are off-limits to egregious nonsense, and violation of this rule is the quickest way to find yourself on the other side of her hell. She welcomes healthy debate and psychotically feeds off of your growing frustration to her lack of surrender. Her beauty is astonishingly exquisite, as she separates herself from norm ideals and probably embraces her natural attributes. She reads more than she watches tv and her man admires her intellect. She isn’t a huge fan of mainstream merriment, and you’ll probably find her on the opposite side of trendy social sensibilities. She’s just different.

You see, SHE is the woman we all strive to be. The woman that is inherently within all of us but only some have successfully mastered her revealing. She isn’t the everyday woman and doesn’t desire to be…So it isn’t about who she Thinks she is. It’s about who she Knows she is; and you presumably want to be just that…

 

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Why You’re Really Mad at Ayesha Curry…

 

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“Everyone’s into barely wearing clothes these days huh? Not my style. I like to keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters…”

Annnnnnd just like that, the World went bananas!

I must say that I am sincerely confused by the uproar that the above comment caused. A bit taken aback even. When did our pedigree become so preposterously loose, tacky, and unapologetically disreputable? It took me awhile to even gain interest in this whole fiasco, but after really sitting down and reading some of the backlash that Mrs. Curry received for her statement, I had to regroup. Let me make sure I have the facts straight here. Society got infuriated with a respectable married mother of two young daughters, who felt as though she didn’t need her pocketbook and watermelons hanging out and on display in public?? Matter of fact, she went even further and told you that her pretty vanilla sugar was only for her husband to observe and enjoy. I’m still trying to figure out the problem here. From another married mother of two children with some damn sense…Mrs. Curry, I salute you boo!

Society has flat-out lost its entire mind. In the plight to achieve equal rights, maintain this overly remixed concept of feminism, and flaunt our independent stature, we have lost what it means to have refined class, dignity, and self-worth. I read this article, Here’s What’s Wrong With Ayesha Curry’s Tweet About How Some Women Dress ‘These Days,’ that had all types of fire for Ayesha. The author lashed out that “She’s [Ayesha] insinuating that women who dress more revealingly are showing off their ‘good stuff’ for people who don’t matter.” Hmmmm, that’s Exactly what she was saying! She didn’t insinuate a damn thing. Baby girl made it real plain.

So of course this got my mind pondering on exactly why women got their feelings hurt by one little declaration of her truth . Here’s what I think:

You’re Really Mad at Ayesha Because…

  1. She Can Back Her Statements Up With Her Lifestyle – This seems to piss people off. I think we would’ve taken her statement a bit more lighthearted and accepting if she was in fact a Complete contradiction of what she was portraying. We’re a society of calculated counterfeit bulls*t! How dare this trick actually be the person that she so arrogantly represents?
  2. She Meant Every Single Word She Said – Chile, she read you all for Filth in less than 100 words, and you were left standing in an embarrassed stupor, in your Jordan onesie, talking about being the baddest b*tch.
  3. It Burned You Up That She Does Actually Have a Husband to Show Her Goodies To – In the words of my Granny, “everybody ain’t able.” Let’s just be honest here. The Mrs just shut it down by basically letting you know that she had her forever, she didn’t need to be half-naked to keep him, and that you probably shouldn’t either. Don’t get mad at me! I’m just the messenger. 😉
  4. You Actually Thought That Dressing Scantily Clad Was Liberating – Fail! I’m all for women’s rights and the quest for liberalism. What I’m not about is losing your soul and integrity to try and prove a point. There are other ways to emancipate your womanly essence without your tatas being on display, or in a dress so snug/revealing that absolutely Nothing is left to your partner, nor the whole room’s, imagination.
  5. She Didn’t Go Along With The In-Crowd – So she doesn’t skip around with the rest of the current media mavens who decided to wear $.99 Leda stockings with rhinestones glued on them, as a dress, out to the latest big event. She also didn’t paint absurdities all over her catsuit and march through Magic City talmbout no damn “Slut Shaming”… How mad does that make you?? I can more than attest to this within my own life. Cliques are very much so real. Even as adults. When you don’t play nice with those intertwined in the ‘Moral Majority’ you get excommunicated and ostracized for going against the norm. People need to realize, however, that everybody is not going to ‘agree to disagree’ with you. Some of us are going to flat out come for your head, eat you alive, and spit out your b*llshit. This is precisely what Mrs. Curry did.
  6. Her Husband Defended & Backed Her Statement – This one right here is what made y’all want to rip her edges clean out!! Not only did she very unmercifully shoot fire with her commentary on Twitter, Hubby came through and cleverly clapped back at the naysayers by posting a flawless picture of his fully-dressed Mrs, and affectionately giving her the name “the instigator.” I do believe that unequivocal support of his opinionated boo thang (and the fact that she is gorgeous in her own right) is probably what made y’all panties hot!

At the end of the day, women need to get back to being women! Classy, elegant, posh, chic, grand, regal…These are all things that we have lost. The media tells us that we need to surgically enhance ourselves to be beautiful because the more of our bodies that we show the more attention that we will receive. Society leads you to believe that it’s empowering to be caught out with your mate, or otherwise, with little to nothing covered. Sorry, I don’t agree. Maybe we could get back to the days where we admired women such as Clair Huxtable and those of her caliber, as opposed to the video vixens, and reality show madams. Just a thought; but hey, what do I know???

 

~Check out the hair blog as well at BeNaturallyHappy.com~

34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser

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Yesterday I turned 34 and have been in some type of peculiar mental space. My mind runs 10 miles per minute and I often go through random bouts of deep somber introspection. So I decided to be even more transparent than usual and share my soul with you all: 34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser.

  1. 34 times I’ve felt like giving up.
  2. 34 times I wasn’t always perfect but pretended to be.
  3. 34 times I lied to get something I wanted.
  4. 34 times I gave people access who didn’t deserve entrance.
  5. 34 times I kept my mouth shut to make someone else happy.
  6. 34 times I promised myself I wouldn’t ever put myself in a certain situation again.
  7. 34 times you wanted my life but had no idea how to water my grass.
  8. 34 times I drank the pain away.
  9. 34 times I hurt someone’s feelings and didn’t care.
  10. 34 times I let my emotions rule a major decision.
  11. 34 times I hated my boss.
  12. 34 times my husband has made me upset.
  13. 34 times I wished I hadn’t been judged.
  14. 34 times I wanted to apologize but my pride wouldn’t let me.
  15. 34 times I made love to my husband and felt his spiritual electricity explode into my Earth.
  16. 34 times I Thanked God for my marriage.
  17. 34 times I missed my best friend.
  18. 34 times I was played by the same guy.
  19. 34 times I touched the scars on my abdomen and wondered how my child was doing in the after life.
  20. 34 times I wanted someone to forgive me.
  21. 34 times I kissed my children and prayed that they would survive through all of the injustices in the world.
  22. 34 times I wondered who my Father was.
  23. 34 times I wanted to be more supportive and loving to my siblings but didn’t know how to be.
  24. 34 times I cried when no one was around.
  25. 34 times I took up for people who will never know that I cared.
  26. 34 times I knew I was in the wrong.
  27. 34 times I saved a Company that didn’t value me.
  28. 34 times I’ve been vulnerable.
  29. 34 times I was quiet when I should’ve spoken up.
  30. 34 times I talked when I should’ve been quiet.
  31. 34 times I’ve hoped someone noticed that I wasn’t as strong as I always portray.
  32. 34 times my Mother didn’t understand me.
  33. 34 times I thought about not writing this.
  34. 34 times…I realized that I had to.

Why Every Black Girl is Mary Jane Paul

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Almost 3 years ago, Gabrielle Union took over national airwaves with the character Mary Jane Paul (MJ), and all but commanded the attention of every Black woman that took at least fifteen seconds to watch her story unfold. Being Mary Jane, in my personal opinion, has been one of the most captivating viciously honest pieces of work in an American drama series, that I’ve seen in a long time. The show started out with no fluffs and never promised to please any particular audience or point-of-view. We got so lost in her affair with Andre, her feisty unapologetic tone, and self-righteous temperament, that we let it float over our heads that we just might have been looking into a mirror.

Mary Jane embodies that Black woman struggle that is only seen in our living rooms and behind the big oakwood closed doors of an expensive therapy session. This isn’t the stuff that we like to talk about. These aren’t the issues that we like to admit to others or ourselves that really do exist. The blue-print of ‘Black Girl Magic’ has become the ability to abandon transparency and just pretend that everything is ok. The strong Black woman should probably keep her mouth shut, mind her manners, let family walk all over her, put on her white face for her career, be a Super Hero to all of her friends, and still find the time to just fall her unstable behind into the arms of the perfect man that she can actually call all hers. How adorably oxymoronic. This is not real life for the Black woman, or any woman for that matter. If you can manage to shoot beyond the dissenting propaganda, her fly wardrobe, and the obvious metaphoric symbolization of her dope ass glass house, you would then be able to see this masterpiece for what it is. Every woman that I know is entombed inside of this person created by Mara Brock Akil. The Black Woman is Mary Jane Paul’s ventriloquist, if you will, and here’s why…

  • At Some Point You Probably Dated a Man That Wasn’t Yours Either and You Had No Idea What to Do About it – Let’s just call out the spades before we even start the card game. While I do not condone or promote extra-marital affairs, I’m not so aloof and bourgeois to realize that they do in fact exist, and that it’s a lot of women out here who think it’s ok! Y’all watched Mary Jane’s mess unravel and had all types of fire to breathe her way, but you forgot about that one time in college with the married professor, or who your illegitimate child’s father is. Yes, I went there and I’m going to keep going. This woman was a whole entire discombobulated tacky ball of mayhem, and what’s more important is that she was forthright enough to just go ahead and be honest about it. Guess what, she eventually got over it, and him too…just like you did!
  • You Have Gotten to a Certain Age and Become Severely Depressed Because You Don’t Have Kids Yet, and Have No Idea Who in the Hell the Daddy Would Even Be if You Did – Let’s be real. As most women creep through their thirties, this is a one-on-one conversation that you have with yourself. Of course all women do not want kids, but I’ve heard this story too many times to ignore the relevance of such. The fact of the matter is that it is Hard to have and then balance it all. Even those of us who have it are still trying to work out some kinks. Corporate society has always shunned the idea of placing motherhood over career, which is why most women wait. Corporate society has no idea about the silent personal struggle these women go through to put something so imperative to themselves on the back burner. The scary realities of fertility is something I could discuss all day! Then we have the women who are not in long-term solid relationships at the moment, but want a baby. Your time is ticking away! I’m not saying to go pilfer your next one-night-stand’s sperm, but you can clearly see the bigger message here.
  • You’re Tired of Being the Loyal Heroine for a Family That Thinks You Owe it to Them to Fix Their Chaos (But You Still Love Them Though) – Let me paint the picture for you. You’re the successful one with a stellar education, great job, nice income, and seemingly stable lifestyle. Your family resents you for this and has no problem letting you know how arrogant or selfish or rude you are, but then they end the conversation asking you for a couple of dollars. You play every role from therapist, to referee, to Mom, to big/little sister, to financial advisor and beyond. Your everyone’s whipping boy but they always call you when they’re in a jam. You feel strong guilt. This becomes emotionally draining and takes a toll on your entire life (read my second point again).
  • You’re the Strong Friend That Sometimes No One Realizes Needs Her Own Hug and Time to Just Fall Apart – You’re the alpha female in your group of friends that seems to either have it all together, or keeps them all together. You rushed to your girl’s side when she passed out in the street over a break-up with her guy, and you nursed her back to life after one too many dips in the vodka bottle, over an argument with her mom. Most friends just expect that you are always ok and assume that if you do have an issue “she’ll probably just work herself out of it.” Not so much! You have your weak moments as well, men do you wrong too, and you cry in the shower more than you would like to admit. Work is stressing you the hell out but all of your inner circle thinks that you have the “job a million girls would kill for.” So you resort to your own little rehabilitative idiosyncrasies and become your own darn support system (there is a method to the madness of MJ’s infamous Post-It notes!!!).
  • Everybody Self-Medicates Under Pressure. Yours Just Might Be Worse Than Tequila – We were enraged when the writers turned MJ into an under-the-cabinet alcoholic. Hmmmm, Wake Up Black Girl! That $700 that you just spent on the new red bottoms and called it “retail therapy” is no different than downing a glass of Mexico’s finest after a bad day at the office. Everyone has their vice. You picked yours. Don’t judge hers.
  • You Aren’t Perfect But You’re Still Trying – This one goes without needing to say very much. Every conflict in life knocks you ten tiers down from perfection. You know this, you’ve accepted this, and at some point you learn how to gracefully keep going. This, My Loves, is the quintessential essence of exactly why we are all just “Being Mary Jane…” 

Why I Won’t Subscribe to Your ‘Angry Black Woman’ Cliché

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My role models are a bit different. They aren’t your typical everyday mainstream media household names. While I do appreciate me some Dangerously in Love, Bey Hive has never quite given me the profound inspiration to do much more than dance around my living room in my boy shorts while I Swiffer. No shade to those that have found a soul mate in her, but I am just not that one. While I commend many of our most celebrated and popular celebrities for their success and community contributions, I sit and enviously gaze at a higher plateau of divine being. I’m talking about the Assata Shakur, Angela Davis, Erykah Badu, Nikki Giovanni, Nina Simone, Folorunsho Alakija, Toni Morrison, Iyanla Vanzant, Fannie Lou Hamer, Gwendolyn Brooks type of woman! There is one common entity that make these women noteworthy to me. They all come from a different breed of Black woman. The Black woman who is strong and intense. The Black woman who is passionately opinionated. The Black woman who is educated. The Black woman who is cultured. The Black woman who knows her rights. The Black woman with a story to tell. The Black woman who will make you know and respect her struggle. The Black woman who speaks her mind and fiercely collides with injustice. The Black woman who goes against the grain. The Black woman whose aura lets you know that she’s not the one to mess with…The Black woman who is totally Unapologetic for it all.

All too often our Black women are placed into quite unattractive categories because of our strength. If we talk too loud, disagree too often, curse more than twice in one sentence, are overly confident, or willing to put someone in their place, we are given that dreaded title as the “Angry Black Woman.” I am not here for that load of crap, nor will I ever be! Society has its very strategically oppressive way of diminishing the Black woman’s power, and we continue to let this fly. Each time you hide in the shadows and allow that Queen to fight alone, or worse, judge her because you don’t think her behavior is “lady like” or “appropriate,” you have further encouraged the propagation of our sisterhood decline.

So what’s your real issue with the women who aren’t afraid to possibly ruffle some feathers? Could it be perhaps that she says all of the magically brilliant notions already floating in your little taboo brain? Or maybe you can’t understand how she’s able to get away with such a defiantly honest temperament. I know what it is. It eats you Up inside that this woman is still able to gracefully coexist in a World that constantly tells her she needs to keep her mouth shut and just go along to get along!! Here’s the thing though: You aren’t getting very far traveling in the same rush hour traffic that everybody else is driving in as well. Get it yet?? Shakur’s publication, Assata: An Autobiography, is a literary masterpiece and pretty much changed my life! Her courage, calculated persistence, and lethal tongue lashings gave me a firm sense of super Black girl self-empowerment! They don’t make women like this anymore, and if they do, we don’t celebrate them as cultural icons. We shun them for stepping out of their place.

Of course I can’t address the issue of the feared and resilient Strong black woman without mentioning her said role in her romantic relationships. Again, the types of women I’m talking about are scarce. The backbone is detached and has been replaced by the pseudo Perfect Patty, love-starved weakling who is simply happy to have a man. You all know who I’m referring to. The girlfriend of yours that you want to back hand because she can’t seem to find her own brain functioning in between his cerebral cogitation. She’s lost without his “insight” and has no clue as to the contents of her own identity. She’s the sister friend that won’t remove her weave or wear her hair in its natural state because her man says he doesn’t like ‘nappy’ hair.  She doesn’t drink more than one glass of wine while at dinner because he thinks she’s had enough. She narrows her list of those she is allowed to befriend because he doesn’t want her hanging around, and being influenced by, us strong ones with a big mouth. 😉 You get where I’m going with this — Just as no life is worth living when you relinquish the innate potential to be yourself, neither is any relationship worth participating in where someone is dangling your puppet strings! Just my opinion, but what do I know?

Last but certainly not least, a huge reason why you won’t catch me buying into society’s Euro-saturated version of what I should be is because of the future! Specifically, the futures of the two little Kings that are from my womb. I owe them, at minimum, that regard of being an image of the formidably grounded, audacious Black woman that they will need to have by their sides one day! With all of the struggles facing our Black men these days, there is nothing more important than the strength and awareness of the woman watching his back!

So remain secure in your impression, purposeful in your efforts, and forthright in your delivery. You never know when you’re being that voice and energy that someone needs. As my Granny always used to say…“Those that mind don’t matter, and those that matter don’t mind!”