Dear Men…7 Things We Really Want On Valentine’s Day Instead of a Gift

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It’s February 1st. This morning at 5am every man in a committed serious relationship woke up in a cold sweat with a migraine. Why? Because in exactly two weeks, they’re expected to reveal the most immensely romantic representation of undying Love, to the Queens in their lives. Some men effortlessly achieve this each year with little to no worries. However, most men are sitting at their desks right now, have already given up, and are desperately trying to remember what size bra and panties she wears, so his Vicky’s Secret go-to sales girl can hook him up.

Well, I’m here to help you this year fellas. Contrary to popular belief, while presents and extravagant tokens of affection are all well and good for your spoiled bougie boo, there’s also some other stuff she needs from you that money just can’t buy. When you get all of these items in line, sometimes we could actually care less about a gift…

  1. Your Time – Sure, you called Paris and had them overnight the new exclusive pair of nude Louboutins directly to her job, complete with five long stemmed red roses to signify each year that you’ve spent Valentine’s Day together; buuuut she hasn’t actually seen you all day, or even this week for that matter! Yes, while we most certainly understand that hard work obviously has to be implemented in order for you to provide us nice things, we also need you to understand that your presence means the World to us. All of the trinkets in the Universe can’t comfort a lonely woman. You better make time for what’s Really important!!
  2. Your Undivided Attention – Ok, you’re spending the time with her, but you’re attention is completely somewhere else. You’ve either got a phone glued to your face, ear buds in your ears, or you’re deeply enthralled in either some sort of television program or a ridiculously distracting guy text messaging convo on your cell. This has to stop fellas. If I have to repeat myself more than two times because your concentration is tied up elsewhere, chances are I don’t even want to talk to you anymore and now I’m completely thrown into an annoyed funk. Again, find better times to engage in certain things where your mate won’t feel neglected. OR, just always remember that you don’t have to show her any attention because there are thousands of hungry man-vultures right outside of your front door that will shower her with all the attention she needs…
  3. Your Effort – Women are considerably more simple than you think. We’re more wrapped up in thought, emotion, and significance. We can also tell when zero effort was considered, and absolutely despise when you don’t believe that effort is needed at all. So you’re tight on cash this month? No worries. Make her a nice thoughtful card, write her letter, or set the bedroom mood with items from your home and pamper her that evening. Cook a meal if she’s always the one who prepares them. Take the initiative to find a sitter for the kids so you two can just relax alone. Make her a cute lunch. Make a loving funny video and send it to her during her most stressful time of the day, because you know this will make her smile. THINK! There’s nothing worse than a man sitting there looking stupid like “uggghhh, I dunno”
  4. Your Honesty – The key to any fulfilling relationship is the concept of honesty. Be honest with your mate about where you two are, where you’re going, and what that means to you. All the heart-shaped chocolate candies in the world means nothing to a situation that’s about to go sour next week! Are there concerns you have with the relationship? With her? With yourself? Be forthright in your delivery and let your mate know! You may not want to hurt her feelings or damage her ego, but ask yourself if holding this in will ruin you all in the end.
  5. The Essence of Your Manhood – I think we all know what this means, hehehe. It’s free,  it’s all encompassing, it’s pleasurable to you both, and it’s scientifically proven as a superb stress-reliever! If your relationship is in this stage, please do responsibly take advantage of this. Plan for something out of the box and blow her mind. Women love a man to take control and work what’s his! Visit a speciality store, grab some scented centering oils, candles, and take care of your woman! Again…never mind, I don’t need to tell you again about those vultures.
  6. For You to Tell Her That She’s Beautiful – You should probably be doing this Everyday anyway, and if you aren’t, shame on you! It isn’t an ego thing for women so much, but instead a declaration of admiration and charming gesture. It takes absolutely Nothing from your day to sincerely compliment your woman!! She craves it, she waits for it, and she giggles and smiles when she gets it from you. Don’t Ever assume “she’s aight! She knows she’s good”…Most epic fail Ever! Yeah, she IS aight, but if she has to wonder whether or not her man thinks she is may be a Serious blow to your relationship. Your pride and ego have no room here. Tell that woman every minute of every day just how alluring she is!
  7. YOU – At the end of the day, when all is said and done, fellas, we just want You! No bells & whistles or unnecessarily trumped up nonsense. She needs you to be a Man. Her Man. The Man. She wants to know that you will protect her from whatever harm comes her way, and trust that she can depend on you to take the reins and properly lead when she hands them to you. All of the money in the world can’t replace any of these qualities.

Know who you are, what you have, and how to keep it! More importantly, know that you don’t need to wait until Valentine’s Day to provide these seven jewels. Be this man all of the time and then you don’t even have to worry about February 14th…

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10 Things You Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom

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So I promised my audience that I would get back to the initial goal of this blog, which was to highlight Mom life and try to keep our sanities intact  through humorous dialogue! However, in true fashion of a Mother’s diminishing attention span and tendency to become overwhelmingly sidetracked, I fell off course a bit and needed to do some housekeeping in a few other areas of life.

Welp, Momma’s back and I’m starting the New Year off just like I ended the last: Coming for your jugular!

While I’ve only been a part of the SAHM’s club for a little over 6 months now, I’ve still seen and heard some opinions and commentary that truly leave me miffed.

One of the main annoyingly vexing speculations that I’ve run across is the idea that being a SAHM seems to equate to some as the ‘easy life’ or that we’re a sorority of self-entitled spoiled brats, who sip green tea with our pedicured toes propped up, and binge-watch OITNB episodes all day, while scoffing at our fellow 9-5ers. Not So! What I have actually learned in my own experience is that being a SAHM is actually more demanding, challenging, and sometimes surprisingly more stressful than when I actually did go to work everyday. So I sat and pondered on a couple of the most aggravating things that us SAHMs don’t want to hear come out of your face Ever Again…

  1. “You Look Tired” – My GOD this is the quickest way to get on my ish list! Nope, I’m not tired. I just started doing my make-up to reflect a zombie. It’s the new fashion statement. Dork! Of course I’m tired!! My 4 year old has the energy level of a hipster on speed, and my 1 year old refuses to take naps. I used all of my energy when I went to go pee and I’m going to use the rest of it to punch you in the face…Even outside of the context of being a Mom, this is just the most blatantly rude thing you could ever say to someone. I’m going to start responding back with nasty narration such as “Yes! I’m as tired as your current relationship…”
  2. “What Do You Do All Day?” – Ummmm, sustain human life and breathe. What do you do all day?? Just because I’m not going to a job doesn’t mean that my day serves no purpose.
  3. “OMG! I slept ALL Day and I’m SO well-rested!” – Insert the emoji guy that’s blowing steam out of his nose and then re-read number 1. If you just noticed that I was tired, and I just told you that I take naps on the toilet to get rest, then how in the Entire universe do you think that I want to hear about how wonderfully soothing it was for you to count sheep…Again, punch your Face!
  4. “You Didn’t Cook Dinner??” – Nope! Matter fact, I myself have only had time to eat a handful of cheerios that were left on the table from my kid’s breakfast. I’m not apologizing for it either. You want dinner cooked? Well, I want a wine cellar and a 24/7 live jazz band in the basement…We all have dreams here don’t we??? You better go find some milk to go with those cheerios!
  5. “Why Do You Get Up So Early” – Again, being a SAHM doesn’t equal vacation time. I have a pre-schooler that has to be in his classroom by 8:15am, and he needs at least an hour after his morning pep talk to get his life together. Then there’s the 1 year old…yeah…moving on to number 6.
  6. “Why Don’t You Ever Pick Up the Phone?” – Because your rude butt calls me Everyday during nap time!!! Do you understand that during nap time I turn into a mime in my own home?!? There is no talking, there is no walking, there is no moving around, there is no sound! Hell! If I could figure out how to stop breathing and still be alive I would! I need this kid to sleep for HOURS! You’re calling me to talk about what somebody shared on Facebook is of No importance to me right now. Even when it isn’t nap time, Mommy’s cell phone is probably being used as a launching missile in a vicious war between Captain America and Iron Man.
  7. “You Never Invite Me Over During the Day” – To do what exactly?? Kids sniff out newbies and your presence will only make them feel as if the normal routine can be shifted or ignored all together. Yes, I’m at home all day, but there’s a strict structure that has to be followed to keep the entire household on track. You can come over and play with me later after their Dad gets home.
  8. “You Haven’t Had Your Hair/Nails Done in Forever!” – Because that’s Totally my top priority now that I keep my bonnet on all day to prevent Devin from driving his trains through my fro, as well as he also seems to be fascinated with my no-chip and thinks it’s amusing to pick it off. My appearance looks just the way that I choose for it to, and when an occasion calls for otherwise, I know how to get that taken care of. My hair and nails are probably healthier than yours anyway because I’m not messing with them all the time…Lemme go sip this tea though.
  9. “How Are You Not Giving Your Husband Sex Every Night??” – Ok, first of all, I don’t give my husband sex. It’s something that we both want and enjoy on an equally loving level. Second of all, by the time I get a chance to shower at midnight once the baby goes to sleep, I’m half-dead once my head hits the pillow. Again, you think I do nothing all day but sit tight and simmer for my beau. Ha! You better research some real life!
  10. “I Wish I Could Be a Stay-at-Home Mom” (now insert a funky smirk and some rolled eyes) – Listen here, because this is the one that I detest the most. Don’t wish for what you know Not of! Furthermore, don’t throw hater shade my way because of the way that my life affords me to live. You wanna be a SAHM, then do it! You better know what you’re getting yourself into and be choosing that role for good reasons. The old saying is still very relevant here; “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Thing is, you gotta figure out how I keep mine watered first! 😉

Why You’re Really Mad at Ayesha Curry…

 

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“Everyone’s into barely wearing clothes these days huh? Not my style. I like to keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters…”

Annnnnnd just like that, the World went bananas!

I must say that I am sincerely confused by the uproar that the above comment caused. A bit taken aback even. When did our pedigree become so preposterously loose, tacky, and unapologetically disreputable? It took me awhile to even gain interest in this whole fiasco, but after really sitting down and reading some of the backlash that Mrs. Curry received for her statement, I had to regroup. Let me make sure I have the facts straight here. Society got infuriated with a respectable married mother of two young daughters, who felt as though she didn’t need her pocketbook and watermelons hanging out and on display in public?? Matter of fact, she went even further and told you that her pretty vanilla sugar was only for her husband to observe and enjoy. I’m still trying to figure out the problem here. From another married mother of two children with some damn sense…Mrs. Curry, I salute you boo!

Society has flat-out lost its entire mind. In the plight to achieve equal rights, maintain this overly remixed concept of feminism, and flaunt our independent stature, we have lost what it means to have refined class, dignity, and self-worth. I read this article, Here’s What’s Wrong With Ayesha Curry’s Tweet About How Some Women Dress ‘These Days,’ that had all types of fire for Ayesha. The author lashed out that “She’s [Ayesha] insinuating that women who dress more revealingly are showing off their ‘good stuff’ for people who don’t matter.” Hmmmm, that’s Exactly what she was saying! She didn’t insinuate a damn thing. Baby girl made it real plain.

So of course this got my mind pondering on exactly why women got their feelings hurt by one little declaration of her truth . Here’s what I think:

You’re Really Mad at Ayesha Because…

  1. She Can Back Her Statements Up With Her Lifestyle – This seems to piss people off. I think we would’ve taken her statement a bit more lighthearted and accepting if she was in fact a Complete contradiction of what she was portraying. We’re a society of calculated counterfeit bulls*t! How dare this trick actually be the person that she so arrogantly represents?
  2. She Meant Every Single Word She Said – Chile, she read you all for Filth in less than 100 words, and you were left standing in an embarrassed stupor, in your Jordan onesie, talking about being the baddest b*tch.
  3. It Burned You Up That She Does Actually Have a Husband to Show Her Goodies To – In the words of my Granny, “everybody ain’t able.” Let’s just be honest here. The Mrs just shut it down by basically letting you know that she had her forever, she didn’t need to be half-naked to keep him, and that you probably shouldn’t either. Don’t get mad at me! I’m just the messenger. 😉
  4. You Actually Thought That Dressing Scantily Clad Was Liberating – Fail! I’m all for women’s rights and the quest for liberalism. What I’m not about is losing your soul and integrity to try and prove a point. There are other ways to emancipate your womanly essence without your tatas being on display, or in a dress so snug/revealing that absolutely Nothing is left to your partner, nor the whole room’s, imagination.
  5. She Didn’t Go Along With The In-Crowd – So she doesn’t skip around with the rest of the current media mavens who decided to wear $.99 Leda stockings with rhinestones glued on them, as a dress, out to the latest big event. She also didn’t paint absurdities all over her catsuit and march through Magic City talmbout no damn “Slut Shaming”… How mad does that make you?? I can more than attest to this within my own life. Cliques are very much so real. Even as adults. When you don’t play nice with those intertwined in the ‘Moral Majority’ you get excommunicated and ostracized for going against the norm. People need to realize, however, that everybody is not going to ‘agree to disagree’ with you. Some of us are going to flat out come for your head, eat you alive, and spit out your b*llshit. This is precisely what Mrs. Curry did.
  6. Her Husband Defended & Backed Her Statement – This one right here is what made y’all want to rip her edges clean out!! Not only did she very unmercifully shoot fire with her commentary on Twitter, Hubby came through and cleverly clapped back at the naysayers by posting a flawless picture of his fully-dressed Mrs, and affectionately giving her the name “the instigator.” I do believe that unequivocal support of his opinionated boo thang (and the fact that she is gorgeous in her own right) is probably what made y’all panties hot!

At the end of the day, women need to get back to being women! Classy, elegant, posh, chic, grand, regal…These are all things that we have lost. The media tells us that we need to surgically enhance ourselves to be beautiful because the more of our bodies that we show the more attention that we will receive. Society leads you to believe that it’s empowering to be caught out with your mate, or otherwise, with little to nothing covered. Sorry, I don’t agree. Maybe we could get back to the days where we admired women such as Clair Huxtable and those of her caliber, as opposed to the video vixens, and reality show madams. Just a thought; but hey, what do I know???

 

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34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser

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Yesterday I turned 34 and have been in some type of peculiar mental space. My mind runs 10 miles per minute and I often go through random bouts of deep somber introspection. So I decided to be even more transparent than usual and share my soul with you all: 34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser.

  1. 34 times I’ve felt like giving up.
  2. 34 times I wasn’t always perfect but pretended to be.
  3. 34 times I lied to get something I wanted.
  4. 34 times I gave people access who didn’t deserve entrance.
  5. 34 times I kept my mouth shut to make someone else happy.
  6. 34 times I promised myself I wouldn’t ever put myself in a certain situation again.
  7. 34 times you wanted my life but had no idea how to water my grass.
  8. 34 times I drank the pain away.
  9. 34 times I hurt someone’s feelings and didn’t care.
  10. 34 times I let my emotions rule a major decision.
  11. 34 times I hated my boss.
  12. 34 times my husband has made me upset.
  13. 34 times I wished I hadn’t been judged.
  14. 34 times I wanted to apologize but my pride wouldn’t let me.
  15. 34 times I made love to my husband and felt his spiritual electricity explode into my Earth.
  16. 34 times I Thanked God for my marriage.
  17. 34 times I missed my best friend.
  18. 34 times I was played by the same guy.
  19. 34 times I touched the scars on my abdomen and wondered how my child was doing in the after life.
  20. 34 times I wanted someone to forgive me.
  21. 34 times I kissed my children and prayed that they would survive through all of the injustices in the world.
  22. 34 times I wondered who my Father was.
  23. 34 times I wanted to be more supportive and loving to my siblings but didn’t know how to be.
  24. 34 times I cried when no one was around.
  25. 34 times I took up for people who will never know that I cared.
  26. 34 times I knew I was in the wrong.
  27. 34 times I saved a Company that didn’t value me.
  28. 34 times I’ve been vulnerable.
  29. 34 times I was quiet when I should’ve spoken up.
  30. 34 times I talked when I should’ve been quiet.
  31. 34 times I’ve hoped someone noticed that I wasn’t as strong as I always portray.
  32. 34 times my Mother didn’t understand me.
  33. 34 times I thought about not writing this.
  34. 34 times…I realized that I had to.

Why I am Not Here For the “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” Movement

 

 

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Lurking on social media I see all types of preposterous mentions of questionable opinions. Lately there has been one pretty spicy topic to come up that I just can’t keep my big mouth shut about.

So let me paint a quick picture…you and your bestie are lounging in the living room, sipping Pino and talking ish. All of a sudden, she makes a statement and ends it casually identifying herself as a “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” – PAUSE. Now I have some pretty loose-tongued, low-tolerance, comfortably unapologetic honest friends with overly ‘colorful’ points of view! I can imagine the response to that statement being something in the area of “you’re a WHAT Bish???”, lmbo, I’m just saying…So this now brings me to my controversial question of the day: What in THEE whole hell is a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend???

Let me preface my rant by first saying that I am in No way against girlfriends or women that are not married. Nor do I have any beef with single Moms or honestly secure women who feel as though they just aren’t into marriage. What I do frown upon and act real uncouth about are the many lovely ladies out there lying to kick it and putting up a front about what they know they deserve and want from a man. Our society is all caught up in titles. I get it. If we didn’t have titles we wouldn’t know who actually held some kind of importance, versus who just thought their ass was important and should probably have a seat. You don’t call the Alderman the President of the United States. Feel me?? Anyhow, I believe it is this undying and almost mentally debilitating need to be “Somebody’s Something” in life. People take pride in their roles and hold them with great honor. That being said, all too often we like to be identified with, and put ourselves into, categories of those things we actually aren’t. Traditionally, a Stay-at-Home Wife is one that is married to her mate and usually stays home full-time, at either her own choice or the choice of her spouse…because she can. Let’s go a bit deeper shall we. Wikipedia states the following:

“A housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family’s home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed outside the home.[1] Merriam Webster describes a housewife as a married woman who is in charge of her household. The related term homemaker has almost the same meaning but is not limited to women and does not connote marriage.”

So a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend is actually a homemaker that’s not necessarily a woman??? Sheesh, I’m going to leave that one for another post so let me stay focused!… I also looked up Stay-at-Home Girlfriend and you wanna know what I found besides this cute little newly coined acronym “SAHG”…Comical, cleverly asshole-written SATIRE! And that’s Exactly how I feel about it also! It’s a joke! A punchline! A cunningly cute contrast to a life that you probably want but have settled and convinced yourself that you’re ok without. Yes, I said it. I’ve heard this story WAY too many times of becoming the live-in girlfriend who is still dropping painstakingly awkward hints on the hopeless fact that we “aren’t gonna be Just your girlfriend for too much longer”. Again, if you don’t want to get married, click off of my post now and go sip some tea. However, if you DO, read on and absorb heavily!

If you are single-handedly tending to all of the “duties” mentioned above in the “Housewife” definition, and you are a Girlfriend, YOU my Dear need to re-evaluate your goals in life. Yes, I said it again! Ever heard of the phrase, why would you buy the cow if you’re already getting the milk??? (I think that’s what it says, but you get my point). A HUGE problem women have these days is the fear of standing firm, being aware of their worth, and being afraid to demand what they know they deserve. This has set the pathetic tone of our new age man to not give a damn or have any accountability in long-term relationships! It isn’t all that easy for many men to “be ready” for marriage but I will tell you this…He can be ready all he wants, but if he has someone who happily allows his ass to stay stagnant, he Will! Men need to be challenged! ALL OF THE TIME! Even after you marry them! When you no longer become something he has to work for and continue evolving because of, you become the Sunday paper that he keeps picking up and taking in the house as an habitual gesture; because it’s easier and less messy than leaving them all over the porch every week…Holler when you catch it…

ASK for your damn ring! DEMAND your security! SIT your ass in a house everyday that you also own, and SPEND money from accounts that you have the legal right to as well! Now I know some of that sounds a bit gold-diggerish, but I am being dead serious here! Have some Real life ties to this man! We have TOO many unhappy Black women continuously playing this role instead of getting their shit together! Do you know how many times I’ve gotten the searing glare while out with my children or alone and people (Caucasians) learn that I have a HUSBAND as opposed to a baby daddy or just a boyfriend???? The shit is almost unnerving, but it’s examples such as that which get me so irate at our progressive tendency to just take what we can ’cause at least we got that. FAIL! DO BETTER!

Now in terms of the actual “title”, I won’t be calling you no damn Stay-at-Home Girlfriend! Not solely because I don’t take you seriously, but because when people actually ask ME what I do for a living, I don’t answer them “Oh! I’m a Stay-at-Home Wife!” That’s foolish and nonsensical. I’m a married Mother of two who chooses to stay home and take care of my home and children Full-Time, while I run my own business, as opposed to punching a clock everyday. The value I have within my family cannot be measured by a title, but by what I provide to their lives and well-being. I could care less what you call me, but I won’t ever be downplayed and you will never identify me as a girlfriend. So I ask these girlfriends, why try to appropriate a term essentially originated for a wife’s stature if that truly isn’t what you’re trying to be???…Don’t Worry. I’ll Wait

 

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8 Things New Age Millennial Women Are No Longer Accepting From a Grown Man

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Scrolling through my Facebook timeline the other day, I ran across a very interesting meme. Very straight-forward but quite piercing. Next to a pretty dapper African-American gentleman dressed as a seemingly cultured and mature member of society, read the following words: “A man who views the world at 40, the same way he did at 20, has just wasted 20 years of his life.” I nonchalantly agreed, hit the ‘share’ button, and thought nothing more of it. Then my notifications blew up with a crap load of “yassssssss..” “girl you better Say that” and the infamous praising hands emoji, and I got intrigued. Women were really up in arms over this message. These thirty words or less brought to life what seems to be the main irritatingly provocation plaguing single women today. Are our men really half-assing it, and sadly, do they even realize or care enough to do anything about it? I don’t think they all fall into this category; but to that paltry, intolerable, and tired ten percent that do…I have a Word for you. No self-respecting, half mentally-stable woman of substance and dignity with a future is going to take any of the following any longer (at least they shouldn’t).

  1. You Still Stay at Home with Your Momma – I’m not even going to play with this list, so we might as well just start off with fire. Unless you moved in to tend to an ailing parent, assist with expenses, or are Temporarily there while you get back on your feet, grown men don’t need to be living at home with their Mommies past the age of 30. No woman wants to get off of work, exhausted and in need, and have to come tip toe around your Momma’s living room fully dressed because she has to respect her house. No woman feels comfortable completley engaging in sexual activity with your Mom 10-feet away watching General Hospital reruns. It’s just trifling! Men need to be Men, and a huge part of that is having their own space. Get to apartment hunting!
  2. You Don’t Have a Bank Account – To heck with all of the conspiracy theories about how you don’t trust nobody to hold on to your money, and how you don’t like banks. What does that mean Sir?? This isn’t even about the amount of money you have in the bank, but more so the idea of responsibility towards your finances. Part of becoming an adult is embracing adult concepts. Oh, and that Rush card doesn’t count either! I need your money insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), and not kept in a purple Crown Royal bag in your sock drawer.
  3. Not Being Knowledgable of Appropriate Formal Wear – Another non-negotiable. Some women like to step out. I mean real stepping out; evenings at the Opera, Alvin Ailey’s latest production, The Joffrey Ballet, just to name a few. You cannot wear your flyest Trues and new J’s to any of these events. I will punch you. I also need you to know your neck size, inseam, and how to calculate your sleeve length. These figures are all numerical. Not S-XXL. GQ magazine has really awesome How-To articles and Brooks Brothers has amazing sales on the holidays. Thanks!
  4. You Have No Concept of a Fine Restaurant – You never know when you need to make an eloquent impression via dinner date (business meeting or girlfriend). Nope, Red Lobster, Grand Lux Cafe, and Cheesecake Factory don’t make the list. I’m talking about establishments with seven course meals, cellared vintage wine, and market-rate seafood lists. Topolobampo and Spiaggia are two divine ones to start with if you’re in Chicago! 😉
  5. You Don’t Know How to Order or Pick Out Good Wine – This goes hand-in-hand with my last point. If you know anything about me, you know how near and dear this particular notion is to my heart. I am a self-professed wine connoisseur in my head and I believe that the average grown up should at minimum be well-versed in wine selection. I’m not saying that I’m looking for a sommelier, but I do need you to know the difference in the reds and whites and not to Ever insult me with preposterous beverages such as pink moscato.
  6. You Don’t Know How to Actually ‘Court’ a Woman – Contrary to the most recent popularity of the term, women don’t actually consider ‘Netflix & Chill’ a credibly acceptable first date. Seriously. The idea is cute months down the line after we’ve established what your last name is, but we need you to do a bit better in the beginning. Think old school and don’t fall for the misconception that women don’t like ‘nice guys.’ Be thoughtful. Be inventive. Be a pleasant mystery. Be consistent. Be respectable. Making random overly-thirsty comments under her Facebook pictures, or utilizing SnapChat as your sole means of getting to know her as a person is obnoxious and distasteful. While I do not subscribe to the idea of “rules” while dating and could care less when women give their cookies away, I also don’t subscribe to flat-out nonsense. Learn the particulars of constructive, engaging conversation and interaction and use them!
  7. You’re Still Using the Excuse That You Don’t Know How to Commit – Bull! How about you don’t want to. I am a firm believer that a woman cannot change a man, and that a man changes when he wants to. That being said, it may be time to grow-up. You can’t be claiming to want happily ever after with Lisa when you won’t leave Tracy, Keisha, and Tammy alone. This has to be an effort made first on your behalf. Just think about which of the above ladies might not be willing to hang around and wait!
  8. You Have NO Ambition, Life Plan, or Structured Work-Ethic – Notice here that I did not say job. You can have a job and still no real goals. There are entrepreneurs who do not consider themselves anybody’s employee, but have a 10-year career plan that would impress Steve Jobs. My point here fellas is to be ambitious and realistic! Also be consistent and productive. We just want you to have a damn plan for your life! Where are you trying to go? How do you think you can get there, and most importantly, How can We help? Couples have to build each other up, but there has to be a foundation. We hear it all the time and there’s no difference here: We are the company that we keep. That includes your man! If he ain’t keep-able then why are you still being kept

 

 

10 Things New Mommies Shouldn’t Apologize For – Pt.1

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It’s happened! The time has come! Your life has officially changed and there’s no looking back; you’re a New Mom!! Your emotions are a tad bit all over the place but nonetheless you are currently experiencing a level of undeniable bliss for another human being that there is no real relentlessly modest way to even sensibly express it…but now what?? Your perfectly planned and flawlessly designed life now begins to take some major twists and turns and you, to some extent, feel a little bit out of control and somewhat helplessly lonely, in your own personal cloud of cognitive dissonance. The reality of it all is that you will make it through! Believe it or not you’re gonna be ok — “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” 🙂

The annoyingly disheartening thing about this is that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand your plight, nor sympathize with some of your painstaking predicaments. Guess what Mommy….Eff Em! Let me tell you at least 10 things that you most positively and unequivocally should Not apologize for as a new Mom!!!

  1. Your Weight Gain or Lack of Weight Loss – Numero uno, thee most annoying thing anyone in their ever-loving mind can do is mention a woman’s post-pregnant weight. Just find something else to talk about. Period. Here’s the thing, we have already sat in the hospital and then in our homes, and then stood in our bathroom mirrors looking at this new body and then sucking in trying to figure out what in the hell we used to look like. We’ve seen ourselves naked and with clothes on, so your rude unwarranted comments about how our stomachs are “kinda going back down” only make us cringe and want to head butt you. We don’t need you to state the obvious or tell us what we looked like in college, and remind us how small our waists were, or how firm and perky our boobs were, or how many more chins we have now, or that our butts got bigger/wider/smaller, or how “that baby has really made you spread” *insert stale face emoji*. You just created, grew, and then spew forth life to an entire human being. Whatever the hell your body has done, you should not be ashamed of!
  2. Your Choice Not to Nurse – I need all of the Grandmas, Aunties, Breast Feeding Nazis, Facebook Fan Groups, and the like, to mind your darn business!! While I breast-fed with both of my children and will scream its wondrous benefits to the moon, I also understand that it is not for everyone. It is also not easy. It can be mentally traumatic, physically unrelenting, and cause feelings of overall failure if your experience doesn’t go well. I thank God for an angel disguised as an amazing lactation consultant nurse who got right into these sore swollen boobies and showed me how to more effectively latch my youngest son! Then some mothers just do not have the time or energy to nurse. You’re up every other hour at night, and when you return to work, you better hope you’re lucky enough to have your own office because you’re pumping every time you even think about your baby! Again, I personally believe that breast milk is the best milk and think one should at least try before they completely rule it out. Don’t stress yourself though. If you cannot or do not want to do it, don’t. Don’t apologize for it either!
  3. Not Being Ready For Intercourse Yet – This can be a biggie! Especially those of us who are married and in committed relationships so you’re probably sleeping with this man every night. The doctor said six weeks and you’re knocking on about twelve.  He is getting antsy and annoyed and you barely even have the attention span or time to notice. Well guess what MAN…She probably smells like breast milk, drool, an onion, leftover poop, and dirty hair because she gets a shower when she can and doing a wash, deep condition, and blow out with your favorite smelling conditioner just hasn’t been on her list of priorities lately. By the time she pathetically climbs into the bed, she is out quicker than a patient who gets anesthesia before a surgery. Needless to say, sex is the furthest thing from her mind right now. She loves you dearly and yearns for you also, but give her a little time and a weekend where your Mom has the kids and she can focus! She will get it together soon enough but she should not apologize for right now!
  4. Being Tired – This one is obvious and too easy. New Moms are freakin’ TIRED!!! Do you understand what the human body has just gone through, and now there’s a little human desperately staring at you for every ounce of their survival 24/7??? Don’t tell a new Mom that she looks tired. Don’t tell a new Mom that she doesn’t have a reason to be tired because she has a husband. Don’t downplay her tiredness just because you can’t comprehend it. Matter of fact, unless you’re willing to come over and watch the baby so she can sleep for 8-12 hours straight, don’t even talk!
  5. Becoming a New Person – I always sit back and wait for this one when I have friends or others that I know who are about to have their first child. These are usually the people who unfairly judged you when you had your first child and had a whole arsenal of smart ish to say about your new choices and way of living. Your priorities have changed and for good reasoning, but a lot of people won’t get that. Even being pregnant, you have no idea what your mind-set is about to evolve into. You no longer care about clubbing until 4am, making reckless choices with your health/overall life, pointless drama, drinking until you forget your last name, or what color your nails will be the next week. You’ve become an avid member of Mommy blogs and now subscribe to Parent magazine. Finding some good life insurance and researching the best daycare and pre-schools become your past time. You start to disconnect from busy body toxic friends that serve no purpose in the person who you need to ultimately be right now. Taking shots has transitioned into slowly sipping a good Malbec once you get the baby asleep at night. You forgot what nail polish even smells like, and are lucky to rip off that hang nail before it rips your child’s face open while giving him a bath. Things just aren’t the same anymore.

Your life has changed Momma. You owe No One an explanation…and you don’t need to apologize for that!