34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser

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Yesterday I turned 34 and have been in some type of peculiar mental space. My mind runs 10 miles per minute and I often go through random bouts of deep somber introspection. So I decided to be even more transparent than usual and share my soul with you all: 34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser.

  1. 34 times I’ve felt like giving up.
  2. 34 times I wasn’t always perfect but pretended to be.
  3. 34 times I lied to get something I wanted.
  4. 34 times I gave people access who didn’t deserve entrance.
  5. 34 times I kept my mouth shut to make someone else happy.
  6. 34 times I promised myself I wouldn’t ever put myself in a certain situation again.
  7. 34 times you wanted my life but had no idea how to water my grass.
  8. 34 times I drank the pain away.
  9. 34 times I hurt someone’s feelings and didn’t care.
  10. 34 times I let my emotions rule a major decision.
  11. 34 times I hated my boss.
  12. 34 times my husband has made me upset.
  13. 34 times I wished I hadn’t been judged.
  14. 34 times I wanted to apologize but my pride wouldn’t let me.
  15. 34 times I made love to my husband and felt his spiritual electricity explode into my Earth.
  16. 34 times I Thanked God for my marriage.
  17. 34 times I missed my best friend.
  18. 34 times I was played by the same guy.
  19. 34 times I touched the scars on my abdomen and wondered how my child was doing in the after life.
  20. 34 times I wanted someone to forgive me.
  21. 34 times I kissed my children and prayed that they would survive through all of the injustices in the world.
  22. 34 times I wondered who my Father was.
  23. 34 times I wanted to be more supportive and loving to my siblings but didn’t know how to be.
  24. 34 times I cried when no one was around.
  25. 34 times I took up for people who will never know that I cared.
  26. 34 times I knew I was in the wrong.
  27. 34 times I saved a Company that didn’t value me.
  28. 34 times I’ve been vulnerable.
  29. 34 times I was quiet when I should’ve spoken up.
  30. 34 times I talked when I should’ve been quiet.
  31. 34 times I’ve hoped someone noticed that I wasn’t as strong as I always portray.
  32. 34 times my Mother didn’t understand me.
  33. 34 times I thought about not writing this.
  34. 34 times…I realized that I had to.
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