10 Things New Mommies Shouldn’t Apologize For – Pt.1

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It’s happened! The time has come! Your life has officially changed and there’s no looking back; you’re a New Mom!! Your emotions are a tad bit all over the place but nonetheless you are currently experiencing a level of undeniable bliss for another human being that there is no real relentlessly modest way to even sensibly express it…but now what?? Your perfectly planned and flawlessly designed life now begins to take some major twists and turns and you, to some extent, feel a little bit out of control and somewhat helplessly lonely, in your own personal cloud of cognitive dissonance. The reality of it all is that you will make it through! Believe it or not you’re gonna be ok — “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” šŸ™‚

The annoyingly dishearteningĀ thing about this is that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand your plight, nor sympathize with some of your painstaking predicaments. Guess what Mommy….Eff Em! Let me tell you at least 10 things that you most positively and unequivocally should Not apologize for as a new Mom!!!

  1. Your Weight Gain or Lack of Weight LossĀ – Numero uno, thee mostĀ annoying thing anyone in their ever-loving mind can do is mention a woman’s post-pregnant weight. Just find something else to talk about. Period. Here’s the thing, we have already sat in the hospital and then in our homes, and then stood in our bathroom mirrors looking at this new body and then sucking in trying to figure out what in the hell we used to look like. We’ve seen ourselves naked and with clothes on, so your rude unwarranted comments about how our stomachs are “kinda going back down” only make us cringe and want to head butt you. We don’t need you to state the obvious or tell us what we looked like in college, and remind us how small our waists were, or how firm and perky our boobs were, or how many more chins we have now, or that our butts got bigger/wider/smaller, or how “that baby has really made you spread” *insert stale face emoji*. You just created, grew, and then spew forth life to an entire human being. Whatever the hell your body has done, you should not be ashamed of!
  2. Your Choice Not to Nurse – I need all of the Grandmas, Aunties, Breast Feeding Nazis, Facebook Fan Groups, and the like, to mind your darn business!! While I breast-fed with both of my children and will scream its wondrous benefits to the moon, I also understand that it is not for everyone. It is also not easy. It can be mentally traumatic, physically unrelenting, and cause feelings of overall failure if your experience doesn’t go well. I thank God for an angel disguised as an amazing lactation consultant nurse who got right into these sore swollen boobies and showed me how to more effectively latch my youngest son! Then some mothers just do not have the time or energy to nurse. You’re up every other hour at night, and when you return to work, you better hope you’re lucky enough to have your own office because you’re pumping every time you even think about your baby! Again, I personally believe that breast milk is the best milk and think one should at least try before they completely rule it out. Don’t stress yourself though. If you cannot or do not want to do it, don’t. Don’t apologize for it either!
  3. Not Being Ready For Intercourse Yet – This can be a biggie! Especially those of us who are married and in committed relationships so you’re probably sleeping with this man every night. The doctor said six weeks and you’re knocking on about twelve. Ā He is getting antsy and annoyed and you barely even have the attention spanĀ or time to notice. Well guess what MAN…She probably smells like breast milk, drool, an onion, leftover poop, and dirty hair because she gets a shower when she can and doing a wash, deep condition, and blow out with your favorite smelling conditioner just hasn’t been on her list of priorities lately. By the time she pathetically climbs into the bed, she is out quicker than a patient who gets anesthesia before a surgery. Needless to say, sex is the furthest thing from her mind right now. She loves you dearly and yearns for you also, but give her a little time and a weekend where your Mom has the kids and she can focus! She will get it together soon enough but she should not apologize for right now!
  4. Being Tired – This one is obvious and too easy. New Moms are freakin’ TIRED!!! Do you understand what the human body has just gone through, and now there’s a little human desperately staring at you for every ounce of their survival 24/7??? Don’t tell a new Mom that she looks tired. Don’t tell a new Mom that she doesn’t have a reason to be tired because she has a husband. Don’t downplay her tiredness just because you can’t comprehendĀ it. Matter of fact, unless you’re willing to come over and watch the baby so she can sleep for 8-12 hours straight, don’t even talk!
  5. Becoming a New Person – I always sit back and wait for this one when I have friends or others that I know who are about to have their first child. These are usually the people who unfairly judged you when you had your first child and had a whole arsenal of smart ish to say about your new choices and way of living. Your priorities have changed and for good reasoning, but a lot of people won’t get that. Even being pregnant, you have no idea what your mind-set is about to evolve into. You no longer care about clubbing until 4am, making reckless choices with your health/overall life, pointless drama, drinking until you forget your last name, or what color your nails will be the next week. You’ve become an avid member of Mommy blogs and now subscribe to Parent magazine. Finding some good life insurance and researching the best daycare and pre-schools become your past time. You start to disconnect from busy body toxic friends that serve no purpose in the person who you need to ultimately be right now. Taking shots has transitioned into slowly sipping a good Malbec once you get the baby asleep at night. You forgot what nail polish even smells like, and are lucky to rip off that hang nail before it rips your child’s face open while giving him a bath. Things just aren’t the same anymore.

Your life has changed Momma. You owe No One an explanation…and you don’t need to apologize for that!

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Prozac and Pinot Grigio

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It’s an age-old taboo. An unspoken past time. The elephant in the room that everybody pretends as if they can’t see. We joke about it, frown our noses up regarding it, make mean judgmental snooty remarks, and don’t even realize the amount of us that are really out there…Medicated Wine-Controlled Mommies. Let’s get a bit real here. The average stay-at-home Mom is currently stirring up her special coffee-concoction during nap time, and hoping no one bothers her for at least an hour. We can put up fronts and play nice, but let’s always remember those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!

About four or five months ago I was prescribed the pretty popular little miracle pill called Prozac. My husband was tired of being yelled at for the telephone bill being paid a day late, my employees didn’t talk to me until after 10am every morning, my 3yr old had begun mimicking me and regularly yelling as his way of getting people’s attention, and anytime someone brought up something I didn’t want to hear I’d annihilate their lives and make them wish that they were never born. My doctor thought I might have a bit of anxiety šŸ˜›

Now, I’ve always been a pretty transparent person firstly because I’ve never truly cared what others thought, and secondly, because you never know when your story might help someone! I always encourage people to get it out before it explodes and takes over from within. Stress is serious and nobody really wants to talk about it. Especially Black women. We seem to think that the more unimportant self-righteous crap that we can add to our daily agendas will make us seem perfect, untouchable, and ultimately as if we can save the World. Well guess what?? We can’t! We have to start saving our sanity!

I’m no glorified pill popper, but I must say that my mood altering chemical imbalance has shifted back to the ‘safe zone’ since the start of my remarkableĀ little blue and white buddies. Do I depend on them? Nah, but I now have a clear enough perspective to more reasonably and rationally work things out without a four-alarm fire ensuing. I say all of this to let my fellow Mommies know that when and if you need help, Get It, and Fast! You cannot live up to a stereotype or be stigmatized if you don’t actually subscribe to the terms of such. You can however become a vicious Medusa head Mommy who doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going, and two minutes from a complete mentally-shattering emotional meltdown.

Now there’s the wine…Let me say this and then we aren’t even going to have to address it anymore ladies. I, Patrice Robinson, will NOT now, nor ever, apologize for my wine consumption! I am a grown Ass woman who often needs a chill down period that a cup of tea just won’t do justice for. We as women have to stop being sorry for how we feel and the things that we need and want to do! A glass of wine here and there never hurt anybody, and three glasses more will guarantee that you’re too damn sleepy to care about any of those people anyway! šŸ˜€ I’m not saying become an alcoholic where you cannot function to properly care for your children, yourself, or your husband. You better find your outlet though, and you better utilize it as often as needed. So go join a wine club, chat up the wine enthusiast in the ‘Wine & Spirits’ section of your local grocer, find out what your palate prefers, buy some good wine glasses, and become the lush that you long to be! Don’t be sorry or feel guilty for any of this either, because the next time Little Joe Joe drives his truck up your newly painted walls, you’ll thank me!

Seriously though, we as women have to start owning our mental health, stability, and overall quality of life. Of course all joking aside, this post isn’t to promote the abuse of any controlled substance or prescribed medication (and you probably shouldn’t take the two together). I instead want you to gain a little insight and know that you’re not alone. Us Mommies do A LOT, and we don’t always know when it’s time to take care of ourselves. Maybe you need to eat healthier or maybe you need to incorporate a new exercise regimen. Me? I’m sticking with my good ole P & P! šŸ™‚