But First…You Gotta Let Your Ex Go

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You probably thought this was an article about Chris Brown & Karrueche eh? NOT!…but you still need to hear this though!

Happily almost ever after just shattered your entire little world! He/She was the sugar in your Kool-Aid and the perfect verse over a dope beat. This relationship changed your angry Facebook rants to giddy memes with little hearts doodled in the corner. You’ve since been able to now watch Love Jones and entirely get the concept of “Nina & Darius” completely free of judgment. Regular ‘rollover’ puts an extra sprint in your step, and Date Nights have replaced weekend turn-up adventures at the club. You got this close to going to Jared, and she has practiced her predictably emotional “YES!” reply in front of her mirror a gazillion times…and then y’all broke up.

So now what? You probably are both going to spend like 6 months trying to find yourselves, your lives, and your dignity. You deactivate that above-mentioned Facebook page because it’s a lot easier than going through all 50 million albums and statuses you made, trying to erase anything that even slightly exhibits remembrance or representation of the Ex. We won’t even talk about all of the shared posts and tagged pics that you might have to endure because you two know ALL of the same damn people! Every song reminds you of them and you now drive 10 miles out of your way every day to avoid “Our Starbucks” and go to one where no one knows you. Last but not least, you pretty much just purchase all new furniture, bedding, and underwear because…you just can’t!

Well now your six month Pity Party is coming to an end, and I’m being very generous with this timeframe. Pay the bill, clean up the venue, wish your guests well, and walk AWAY from this party! What exactly do I mean by this metaphor?? I’m glad you asked…

  • Stop Being a Hater – No, but seriously. It just doesn’t look good. Let the new Boo be! Even all of those friends and associates who may cheer you on and laugh at  your tasteless jokes are shaking their heads behind your back. There is nothing worse than letting everyone know just how bitter you are.
    • New Boo is built like a brick-house, with thick flawless natural hair from the Gods, and a wardrobe game to rival New York Fashion Week. You’re still trying to figure out how to Zumba off your muffin top, you’ve lost all of your edges from wearing tight bad weaves, and your regular outfit consists of leggings and your high school alumni tee. So what do you do? Grab your BFF and attentively go through every shred of her Facebook page, making commentary on why “she really isn’t all that cute.” Get it together woman. Use whatever insecurities she brings out of you to make yourself better!
    • Man Crush Monday has a nice car. You have Geo Tracker. So you find ridiculous ways to try and downplay his impeccable apparatus of transportation by saying dumb ish like “Man, that car ain’t even in his name!” Stop It! That Tracker wouldn’t be in your name either if it wasn’t 50 years old, twice paid off, with a transferred title from your Momma!
  • Stop Texting Them – Texting these days makes it easy to be passive-aggressive and even easier to be a professional psycho stalker! He/She doesn’t care that you got a new job, lost your dog, grew a beard, dyed your hair purple, saw Jesus at the grocery store, or even that a family member may have passed (I know this one is harsh but some of you use this a LOT as leverage!). No “Good Mornings” and “TTYL” or “Good Nights” with the goofy-grinning emojis! Part of your healing process will come in eliminating this person from your communication mainframe. You’re only texting that Ex for a couple of reasons, and they all need to cease:
    • You want validation from them because you’re not getting it from anyone else right now, and you know it’s easy to get from them.
    • You want them to know that you’re doing well without them, and at the same time, make sure that their lives are miserable without you.
    • You want them back, know that isn’t an option, and you settle for whatever small piece of them that you can get.
    • You know they have another significant other and you’re trying to start ish. I’ve done this one before. It didn’t play out well. Don’t get your feelings hurt out here on dummy!
  • Forgive Them – One of my most favorite books of all time is by Iyanla Vanzant, Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything. If you struggle with the principles and effectiveness of forgiving others, go purchase this now, start reading, and free your conscience! There is nowhere positive that you can get in life with a distressed and heavy heart & mind towards another person. Please understand this! They cheated on you and destroyed your perception of trust. I get it. We all do. It’s devastating but guess what; you’re going to have to get all the way Over it! Learn the lesson, take the notes, write a song about it, buy some new lipstick, do ten push-ups, and keep it moving. Old baggage turns into new psychological suitcases, and now you’re no good to any damn body. Say it with me: This too shall pass!
  • Know Who You Probably Need to Remove From Your Life Now That You’re No Longer Together – Quit calling his Momma, going to get your nails done with his sister, hooping with her brother on Monday nights, commenting under all of their friend’s/family’s social media posts, and using their best friend as your new therapist. These are all side-eye shady moves and will hurt no one but yourself! If you didn’t have a significant tie to any of these people before you two became an item, nine times out of ten, you don’t need one now. It’s a conflict of interest, trust, and just an overall bad idea that isn’t worth the simmering fire.
  • GO and DATE – Yeah, yeah, yeah, your Ex was the absolute Best thing that ever happened to you, the Best looking person that you’ve ever laid eyes on, and you’ll never have a connection with anyone else like you had with them…That’s why y’all are still together right???  — They are an Ex for a reason, and you have to give yourself permission to push forward and explore others. Constant comparison of your Ex will keep you only focused on your Ex. While I do think people should allow themselves time alone to get it together, I also believe that entering back into the dating world is healthy and necessary for healing.

Moral of this story…Get over yourself, your situation, and more importantly, Get Over Your Ex!! 

 

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34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser

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Yesterday I turned 34 and have been in some type of peculiar mental space. My mind runs 10 miles per minute and I often go through random bouts of deep somber introspection. So I decided to be even more transparent than usual and share my soul with you all: 34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser.

  1. 34 times I’ve felt like giving up.
  2. 34 times I wasn’t always perfect but pretended to be.
  3. 34 times I lied to get something I wanted.
  4. 34 times I gave people access who didn’t deserve entrance.
  5. 34 times I kept my mouth shut to make someone else happy.
  6. 34 times I promised myself I wouldn’t ever put myself in a certain situation again.
  7. 34 times you wanted my life but had no idea how to water my grass.
  8. 34 times I drank the pain away.
  9. 34 times I hurt someone’s feelings and didn’t care.
  10. 34 times I let my emotions rule a major decision.
  11. 34 times I hated my boss.
  12. 34 times my husband has made me upset.
  13. 34 times I wished I hadn’t been judged.
  14. 34 times I wanted to apologize but my pride wouldn’t let me.
  15. 34 times I made love to my husband and felt his spiritual electricity explode into my Earth.
  16. 34 times I Thanked God for my marriage.
  17. 34 times I missed my best friend.
  18. 34 times I was played by the same guy.
  19. 34 times I touched the scars on my abdomen and wondered how my child was doing in the after life.
  20. 34 times I wanted someone to forgive me.
  21. 34 times I kissed my children and prayed that they would survive through all of the injustices in the world.
  22. 34 times I wondered who my Father was.
  23. 34 times I wanted to be more supportive and loving to my siblings but didn’t know how to be.
  24. 34 times I cried when no one was around.
  25. 34 times I took up for people who will never know that I cared.
  26. 34 times I knew I was in the wrong.
  27. 34 times I saved a Company that didn’t value me.
  28. 34 times I’ve been vulnerable.
  29. 34 times I was quiet when I should’ve spoken up.
  30. 34 times I talked when I should’ve been quiet.
  31. 34 times I’ve hoped someone noticed that I wasn’t as strong as I always portray.
  32. 34 times my Mother didn’t understand me.
  33. 34 times I thought about not writing this.
  34. 34 times…I realized that I had to.

Why I am Not Here For the “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” Movement

 

 

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Lurking on social media I see all types of preposterous mentions of questionable opinions. Lately there has been one pretty spicy topic to come up that I just can’t keep my big mouth shut about.

So let me paint a quick picture…you and your bestie are lounging in the living room, sipping Pino and talking ish. All of a sudden, she makes a statement and ends it casually identifying herself as a “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” – PAUSE. Now I have some pretty loose-tongued, low-tolerance, comfortably unapologetic honest friends with overly ‘colorful’ points of view! I can imagine the response to that statement being something in the area of “you’re a WHAT Bish???”, lmbo, I’m just saying…So this now brings me to my controversial question of the day: What in THEE whole hell is a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend???

Let me preface my rant by first saying that I am in No way against girlfriends or women that are not married. Nor do I have any beef with single Moms or honestly secure women who feel as though they just aren’t into marriage. What I do frown upon and act real uncouth about are the many lovely ladies out there lying to kick it and putting up a front about what they know they deserve and want from a man. Our society is all caught up in titles. I get it. If we didn’t have titles we wouldn’t know who actually held some kind of importance, versus who just thought their ass was important and should probably have a seat. You don’t call the Alderman the President of the United States. Feel me?? Anyhow, I believe it is this undying and almost mentally debilitating need to be “Somebody’s Something” in life. People take pride in their roles and hold them with great honor. That being said, all too often we like to be identified with, and put ourselves into, categories of those things we actually aren’t. Traditionally, a Stay-at-Home Wife is one that is married to her mate and usually stays home full-time, at either her own choice or the choice of her spouse…because she can. Let’s go a bit deeper shall we. Wikipedia states the following:

“A housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family’s home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed outside the home.[1] Merriam Webster describes a housewife as a married woman who is in charge of her household. The related term homemaker has almost the same meaning but is not limited to women and does not connote marriage.”

So a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend is actually a homemaker that’s not necessarily a woman??? Sheesh, I’m going to leave that one for another post so let me stay focused!… I also looked up Stay-at-Home Girlfriend and you wanna know what I found besides this cute little newly coined acronym “SAHG”…Comical, cleverly asshole-written SATIRE! And that’s Exactly how I feel about it also! It’s a joke! A punchline! A cunningly cute contrast to a life that you probably want but have settled and convinced yourself that you’re ok without. Yes, I said it. I’ve heard this story WAY too many times of becoming the live-in girlfriend who is still dropping painstakingly awkward hints on the hopeless fact that we “aren’t gonna be Just your girlfriend for too much longer”. Again, if you don’t want to get married, click off of my post now and go sip some tea. However, if you DO, read on and absorb heavily!

If you are single-handedly tending to all of the “duties” mentioned above in the “Housewife” definition, and you are a Girlfriend, YOU my Dear need to re-evaluate your goals in life. Yes, I said it again! Ever heard of the phrase, why would you buy the cow if you’re already getting the milk??? (I think that’s what it says, but you get my point). A HUGE problem women have these days is the fear of standing firm, being aware of their worth, and being afraid to demand what they know they deserve. This has set the pathetic tone of our new age man to not give a damn or have any accountability in long-term relationships! It isn’t all that easy for many men to “be ready” for marriage but I will tell you this…He can be ready all he wants, but if he has someone who happily allows his ass to stay stagnant, he Will! Men need to be challenged! ALL OF THE TIME! Even after you marry them! When you no longer become something he has to work for and continue evolving because of, you become the Sunday paper that he keeps picking up and taking in the house as an habitual gesture; because it’s easier and less messy than leaving them all over the porch every week…Holler when you catch it…

ASK for your damn ring! DEMAND your security! SIT your ass in a house everyday that you also own, and SPEND money from accounts that you have the legal right to as well! Now I know some of that sounds a bit gold-diggerish, but I am being dead serious here! Have some Real life ties to this man! We have TOO many unhappy Black women continuously playing this role instead of getting their shit together! Do you know how many times I’ve gotten the searing glare while out with my children or alone and people (Caucasians) learn that I have a HUSBAND as opposed to a baby daddy or just a boyfriend???? The shit is almost unnerving, but it’s examples such as that which get me so irate at our progressive tendency to just take what we can ’cause at least we got that. FAIL! DO BETTER!

Now in terms of the actual “title”, I won’t be calling you no damn Stay-at-Home Girlfriend! Not solely because I don’t take you seriously, but because when people actually ask ME what I do for a living, I don’t answer them “Oh! I’m a Stay-at-Home Wife!” That’s foolish and nonsensical. I’m a married Mother of two who chooses to stay home and take care of my home and children Full-Time, while I run my own business, as opposed to punching a clock everyday. The value I have within my family cannot be measured by a title, but by what I provide to their lives and well-being. I could care less what you call me, but I won’t ever be downplayed and you will never identify me as a girlfriend. So I ask these girlfriends, why try to appropriate a term essentially originated for a wife’s stature if that truly isn’t what you’re trying to be???…Don’t Worry. I’ll Wait

 

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8 Things New Age Millennial Women Are No Longer Accepting From a Grown Man

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Scrolling through my Facebook timeline the other day, I ran across a very interesting meme. Very straight-forward but quite piercing. Next to a pretty dapper African-American gentleman dressed as a seemingly cultured and mature member of society, read the following words: “A man who views the world at 40, the same way he did at 20, has just wasted 20 years of his life.” I nonchalantly agreed, hit the ‘share’ button, and thought nothing more of it. Then my notifications blew up with a crap load of “yassssssss..” “girl you better Say that” and the infamous praising hands emoji, and I got intrigued. Women were really up in arms over this message. These thirty words or less brought to life what seems to be the main irritatingly provocation plaguing single women today. Are our men really half-assing it, and sadly, do they even realize or care enough to do anything about it? I don’t think they all fall into this category; but to that paltry, intolerable, and tired ten percent that do…I have a Word for you. No self-respecting, half mentally-stable woman of substance and dignity with a future is going to take any of the following any longer (at least they shouldn’t).

  1. You Still Stay at Home with Your Momma – I’m not even going to play with this list, so we might as well just start off with fire. Unless you moved in to tend to an ailing parent, assist with expenses, or are Temporarily there while you get back on your feet, grown men don’t need to be living at home with their Mommies past the age of 30. No woman wants to get off of work, exhausted and in need, and have to come tip toe around your Momma’s living room fully dressed because she has to respect her house. No woman feels comfortable completley engaging in sexual activity with your Mom 10-feet away watching General Hospital reruns. It’s just trifling! Men need to be Men, and a huge part of that is having their own space. Get to apartment hunting!
  2. You Don’t Have a Bank Account – To heck with all of the conspiracy theories about how you don’t trust nobody to hold on to your money, and how you don’t like banks. What does that mean Sir?? This isn’t even about the amount of money you have in the bank, but more so the idea of responsibility towards your finances. Part of becoming an adult is embracing adult concepts. Oh, and that Rush card doesn’t count either! I need your money insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), and not kept in a purple Crown Royal bag in your sock drawer.
  3. Not Being Knowledgable of Appropriate Formal Wear – Another non-negotiable. Some women like to step out. I mean real stepping out; evenings at the Opera, Alvin Ailey’s latest production, The Joffrey Ballet, just to name a few. You cannot wear your flyest Trues and new J’s to any of these events. I will punch you. I also need you to know your neck size, inseam, and how to calculate your sleeve length. These figures are all numerical. Not S-XXL. GQ magazine has really awesome How-To articles and Brooks Brothers has amazing sales on the holidays. Thanks!
  4. You Have No Concept of a Fine Restaurant – You never know when you need to make an eloquent impression via dinner date (business meeting or girlfriend). Nope, Red Lobster, Grand Lux Cafe, and Cheesecake Factory don’t make the list. I’m talking about establishments with seven course meals, cellared vintage wine, and market-rate seafood lists. Topolobampo and Spiaggia are two divine ones to start with if you’re in Chicago! 😉
  5. You Don’t Know How to Order or Pick Out Good Wine – This goes hand-in-hand with my last point. If you know anything about me, you know how near and dear this particular notion is to my heart. I am a self-professed wine connoisseur in my head and I believe that the average grown up should at minimum be well-versed in wine selection. I’m not saying that I’m looking for a sommelier, but I do need you to know the difference in the reds and whites and not to Ever insult me with preposterous beverages such as pink moscato.
  6. You Don’t Know How to Actually ‘Court’ a Woman – Contrary to the most recent popularity of the term, women don’t actually consider ‘Netflix & Chill’ a credibly acceptable first date. Seriously. The idea is cute months down the line after we’ve established what your last name is, but we need you to do a bit better in the beginning. Think old school and don’t fall for the misconception that women don’t like ‘nice guys.’ Be thoughtful. Be inventive. Be a pleasant mystery. Be consistent. Be respectable. Making random overly-thirsty comments under her Facebook pictures, or utilizing SnapChat as your sole means of getting to know her as a person is obnoxious and distasteful. While I do not subscribe to the idea of “rules” while dating and could care less when women give their cookies away, I also don’t subscribe to flat-out nonsense. Learn the particulars of constructive, engaging conversation and interaction and use them!
  7. You’re Still Using the Excuse That You Don’t Know How to Commit – Bull! How about you don’t want to. I am a firm believer that a woman cannot change a man, and that a man changes when he wants to. That being said, it may be time to grow-up. You can’t be claiming to want happily ever after with Lisa when you won’t leave Tracy, Keisha, and Tammy alone. This has to be an effort made first on your behalf. Just think about which of the above ladies might not be willing to hang around and wait!
  8. You Have NO Ambition, Life Plan, or Structured Work-Ethic – Notice here that I did not say job. You can have a job and still no real goals. There are entrepreneurs who do not consider themselves anybody’s employee, but have a 10-year career plan that would impress Steve Jobs. My point here fellas is to be ambitious and realistic! Also be consistent and productive. We just want you to have a damn plan for your life! Where are you trying to go? How do you think you can get there, and most importantly, How can We help? Couples have to build each other up, but there has to be a foundation. We hear it all the time and there’s no difference here: We are the company that we keep. That includes your man! If he ain’t keep-able then why are you still being kept

 

 

Why Every Black Girl is Mary Jane Paul

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Almost 3 years ago, Gabrielle Union took over national airwaves with the character Mary Jane Paul (MJ), and all but commanded the attention of every Black woman that took at least fifteen seconds to watch her story unfold. Being Mary Jane, in my personal opinion, has been one of the most captivating viciously honest pieces of work in an American drama series, that I’ve seen in a long time. The show started out with no fluffs and never promised to please any particular audience or point-of-view. We got so lost in her affair with Andre, her feisty unapologetic tone, and self-righteous temperament, that we let it float over our heads that we just might have been looking into a mirror.

Mary Jane embodies that Black woman struggle that is only seen in our living rooms and behind the big oakwood closed doors of an expensive therapy session. This isn’t the stuff that we like to talk about. These aren’t the issues that we like to admit to others or ourselves that really do exist. The blue-print of ‘Black Girl Magic’ has become the ability to abandon transparency and just pretend that everything is ok. The strong Black woman should probably keep her mouth shut, mind her manners, let family walk all over her, put on her white face for her career, be a Super Hero to all of her friends, and still find the time to just fall her unstable behind into the arms of the perfect man that she can actually call all hers. How adorably oxymoronic. This is not real life for the Black woman, or any woman for that matter. If you can manage to shoot beyond the dissenting propaganda, her fly wardrobe, and the obvious metaphoric symbolization of her dope ass glass house, you would then be able to see this masterpiece for what it is. Every woman that I know is entombed inside of this person created by Mara Brock Akil. The Black Woman is Mary Jane Paul’s ventriloquist, if you will, and here’s why…

  • At Some Point You Probably Dated a Man That Wasn’t Yours Either and You Had No Idea What to Do About it – Let’s just call out the spades before we even start the card game. While I do not condone or promote extra-marital affairs, I’m not so aloof and bourgeois to realize that they do in fact exist, and that it’s a lot of women out here who think it’s ok! Y’all watched Mary Jane’s mess unravel and had all types of fire to breathe her way, but you forgot about that one time in college with the married professor, or who your illegitimate child’s father is. Yes, I went there and I’m going to keep going. This woman was a whole entire discombobulated tacky ball of mayhem, and what’s more important is that she was forthright enough to just go ahead and be honest about it. Guess what, she eventually got over it, and him too…just like you did!
  • You Have Gotten to a Certain Age and Become Severely Depressed Because You Don’t Have Kids Yet, and Have No Idea Who in the Hell the Daddy Would Even Be if You Did – Let’s be real. As most women creep through their thirties, this is a one-on-one conversation that you have with yourself. Of course all women do not want kids, but I’ve heard this story too many times to ignore the relevance of such. The fact of the matter is that it is Hard to have and then balance it all. Even those of us who have it are still trying to work out some kinks. Corporate society has always shunned the idea of placing motherhood over career, which is why most women wait. Corporate society has no idea about the silent personal struggle these women go through to put something so imperative to themselves on the back burner. The scary realities of fertility is something I could discuss all day! Then we have the women who are not in long-term solid relationships at the moment, but want a baby. Your time is ticking away! I’m not saying to go pilfer your next one-night-stand’s sperm, but you can clearly see the bigger message here.
  • You’re Tired of Being the Loyal Heroine for a Family That Thinks You Owe it to Them to Fix Their Chaos (But You Still Love Them Though) – Let me paint the picture for you. You’re the successful one with a stellar education, great job, nice income, and seemingly stable lifestyle. Your family resents you for this and has no problem letting you know how arrogant or selfish or rude you are, but then they end the conversation asking you for a couple of dollars. You play every role from therapist, to referee, to Mom, to big/little sister, to financial advisor and beyond. Your everyone’s whipping boy but they always call you when they’re in a jam. You feel strong guilt. This becomes emotionally draining and takes a toll on your entire life (read my second point again).
  • You’re the Strong Friend That Sometimes No One Realizes Needs Her Own Hug and Time to Just Fall Apart – You’re the alpha female in your group of friends that seems to either have it all together, or keeps them all together. You rushed to your girl’s side when she passed out in the street over a break-up with her guy, and you nursed her back to life after one too many dips in the vodka bottle, over an argument with her mom. Most friends just expect that you are always ok and assume that if you do have an issue “she’ll probably just work herself out of it.” Not so much! You have your weak moments as well, men do you wrong too, and you cry in the shower more than you would like to admit. Work is stressing you the hell out but all of your inner circle thinks that you have the “job a million girls would kill for.” So you resort to your own little rehabilitative idiosyncrasies and become your own darn support system (there is a method to the madness of MJ’s infamous Post-It notes!!!).
  • Everybody Self-Medicates Under Pressure. Yours Just Might Be Worse Than Tequila – We were enraged when the writers turned MJ into an under-the-cabinet alcoholic. Hmmmm, Wake Up Black Girl! That $700 that you just spent on the new red bottoms and called it “retail therapy” is no different than downing a glass of Mexico’s finest after a bad day at the office. Everyone has their vice. You picked yours. Don’t judge hers.
  • You Aren’t Perfect But You’re Still Trying – This one goes without needing to say very much. Every conflict in life knocks you ten tiers down from perfection. You know this, you’ve accepted this, and at some point you learn how to gracefully keep going. This, My Loves, is the quintessential essence of exactly why we are all just “Being Mary Jane…” 

Why My Marriage Might Offend You

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Over the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed a trend among women while perusing several other blogs and random articles. There seems to be a quite ubiquitous undertone about the resentment that some single women have towards women who are married. Again, I said some. Do not bring your enraged commentary under my post acting an entire fool if this does not apply to or describe you! In reality, the fact of the matter is that there are a lot of dejected and miserable females of the human species that are roaming this good Earth; and a great deal of it stems from relationship status. Denying only makes the issue worse, and then the bitterness continues to fester. Well, this girl here isn’t going to let you throw your acrimonious little temper tantrums and start downplaying my peace of mind just to keep your scab from peeling! We have got to learn to stop apologizing for the depths of our euphoria and the plight towards positivity that we have demanded and drawn into our lives. Some may call me a narcissist after reading this, while others will shout in praise. However you take it, just remember that your and my life still exist outside of this blog! 🙂

Now in true fashion of my infamous lists, spicy speculations, and widely known word venom, I have personally put together some brutally honest logic as to why my, and other women’s, marriages just might leave you a bit vexed.

  1. We Actually Like Each Other –  As in, even on our bad days we don’t want to stab each other into little pieces. We actually know and appreciate who we’ve married and enjoy being around one another. This seems to get under people’s skin. Why? I don’t know, but that isn’t my problem to figure out either! I know you’re thinking that this is a bit obvious but it isn’t. There is a huge percentage of the population married to individuals whom they don’t actually even care for. I’ve seen it before. It goes along with the issue of marrying for the wrong reasons.
  2. We Have No Skeletons in the Closet – We both have pasts. We are both aware of those pasts. We could care less…Nothing is secretly going to be revealed that will make the other fret or cause disarray in our union. This annoys people…We are sorry for your disappointment.
  3. Our Marriage is No Different on Social Media Than it is in Real Life – This is a basic one but it needed to be said. We don’t pretend or portray to be anything that we are not. What you see is what you get and most people who end up meeting us are usually pleasantly surprised by our relationship. We don’t hide our love, but we also aren’t obnoxiously leaving kissing emojis all over each other’s pages every ten minutes. We follow one another on different sites and neither of us have any weird, possessive, jealousy, or infidelity issues involved in that. Again, this seems to tick people off. Social Media runs the world and the validity of your relationship depends on its portrayal. HA!
  4. My Husband Used to a Player – Like, not a regular player, but the super smooth frat guy that your Momma always told your butt to stay away from. Then he told all of the runner ups to stop texting him and turned his player card in for little ole me. People can’t seem to, and don’t want to, fathom that.
  5. We Are Best Friends. If There is Ever a Me Versus You Situation, I Will Always Win – This one seems to be the killer, and not many truly understand. My husband is my protector, my bodyguard, and my King. He will always and forever have my back! We have been through a great deal together, and when he took his vows he meant it. Unfortunately there is not a darn thing you’re going to be able to do about that…Sorry But Not Sorry 😉
  6. We Are Happy – It’s just that simple. Real Life Undeniable Unconditional Black Love! Two people who took a chance and make it work. My real life Love Jones, the ‘perfect hook to a dope beat,’ the one who ‘personifies my admiration’ and makes me giggle. He is my Lover and the Father of my children. He accepts me the way that I am and holds my existence in the highest regard. He is I and I am Me! Just let us be.

I have found my Cloud Nine, and you better go find yours! Never be mad about what the next lady has…Instead, ask her how she got it!

Why My 1 Year Old Isn’t Having a Birthday Party

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Next week on October 9, Devin will turn 1!!! 😀  I think all Mommies pretty much feel the same way about celebrating our babies’ milestones in life. We want pictures, tutus, themes, the biggest darn personalized character cake we can find, super heroes, the most quintessential party favor bags…a ferris wheel built in the backyard, a hot air balloon, and nothing short of a miniature Disneyland production to complete this wonderful occasion. The problem here is that we often want all of this excessive ‘extraness’ for tiny human beings who wear bibs as outfits, eat lint balls off of the floor, deem a paci as his most prized possession, and likes to play in the toilet! You see where I’m going here?

For my first child we did it up big for his first big day! Elmo was his BFF, I was a first-time Mom, and his birthday is smack dab in the middle of the Summer. We hooked up with some friends, got together a theme and guest list, found the decorations online, bought a gazillion Sesame Street themed cupcakes and a cake, purchased about $300 worth of food, another two or so of alcohol, got he and Daddy matching outfits, and took off work early to make sure this superstar shindig was executed smoothly. Then reality happened…DJ could care less about the food because he was still drinking Enfamil with rice cereal in it for meals, it was too hot for his outfit so he spent the duration of his party in a diaper, he took half of the decorations and ripped them to shreds because the sound of paper tearing entertained him more than his gifts, he was more terrified than excited of Cookie Monster’s face on his cake and wanted nothing to do with the whole thing. Last but not least, he was asleep 30 minutes into the party and retreated to bed for the remainder of his extravaganza! The adults partied until 4am, had a ball, ate all of the food, cleaned up the leftover mess, and DJ will never remember Any of it!

This time around will be different. Although we understand the premise of making memories, I have come to the conclusion at this point in motherhood that half of what we do for our children is a reflection of ourselves and the things that We want! DJ didn’t want all of that stuff above. I did. DJ doesn’t necessarily need the Polaroid shot of him poking his little finger into a cupcake. I do. Why?? Because he will always be my baby! Some parents tend to go overboard because they want to give their children something that they did not have or experience in childhood, and that’s fine too! I just wanted to be obnoxious and throw a big bash!

I think the most important thing that we have to remember about our children is that they need LOVE! Especially in the infant/toddler stages. Not stuff! I can see that Devin gets pure joy out of just sitting on Mommy and playing patty cake. He giggles at his Daddy when he puts his big arms around him and snuggles into his little face. His world lights up when he hears his big brother’s voice, and he shows all six of his little teeth whenever he sees his Granny. A party is not needed to achieve theses moments.

So this coming Friday won’t be spent on the effort of the event, but on the meaning of the day and appreciation for the child. I will probably find him a onesie that says something about turning 1. I will most definitely take pictures of him as he goes about his busy little day as an official 1 yr old, and his brother will absolutely want to bake him a cake so that He can eat it 🙂  …But most importantly, we will Love on him all day as a family. And that’s more priceless than any birthday party!