10 Things You Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom

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So I promised my audience that I would get back to the initial goal of this blog, which was to highlight Mom life and try to keep our sanities intact  through humorous dialogue! However, in true fashion of a Mother’s diminishing attention span and tendency to become overwhelmingly sidetracked, I fell off course a bit and needed to do some housekeeping in a few other areas of life.

Welp, Momma’s back and I’m starting the New Year off just like I ended the last: Coming for your jugular!

While I’ve only been a part of the SAHM’s club for a little over 6 months now, I’ve still seen and heard some opinions and commentary that truly leave me miffed.

One of the main annoyingly vexing speculations that I’ve run across is the idea that being a SAHM seems to equate to some as the ‘easy life’ or that we’re a sorority of self-entitled spoiled brats, who sip green tea with our pedicured toes propped up, and binge-watch OITNB episodes all day, while scoffing at our fellow 9-5ers. Not So! What I have actually learned in my own experience is that being a SAHM is actually more demanding, challenging, and sometimes surprisingly more stressful than when I actually did go to work everyday. So I sat and pondered on a couple of the most aggravating things that us SAHMs don’t want to hear come out of your face Ever Again…

  1. “You Look Tired” – My GOD this is the quickest way to get on my ish list! Nope, I’m not tired. I just started doing my make-up to reflect a zombie. It’s the new fashion statement. Dork! Of course I’m tired!! My 4 year old has the energy level of a hipster on speed, and my 1 year old refuses to take naps. I used all of my energy when I went to go pee and I’m going to use the rest of it to punch you in the face…Even outside of the context of being a Mom, this is just the most blatantly rude thing you could ever say to someone. I’m going to start responding back with nasty narration such as “Yes! I’m as tired as your current relationship…”
  2. “What Do You Do All Day?” – Ummmm, sustain human life and breathe. What do you do all day?? Just because I’m not going to a job doesn’t mean that my day serves no purpose.
  3. “OMG! I slept ALL Day and I’m SO well-rested!” – Insert the emoji guy that’s blowing steam out of his nose and then re-read number 1. If you just noticed that I was tired, and I just told you that I take naps on the toilet to get rest, then how in the Entire universe do you think that I want to hear about how wonderfully soothing it was for you to count sheep…Again, punch your Face!
  4. “You Didn’t Cook Dinner??” – Nope! Matter fact, I myself have only had time to eat a handful of cheerios that were left on the table from my kid’s breakfast. I’m not apologizing for it either. You want dinner cooked? Well, I want a wine cellar and a 24/7 live jazz band in the basement…We all have dreams here don’t we??? You better go find some milk to go with those cheerios!
  5. “Why Do You Get Up So Early” – Again, being a SAHM doesn’t equal vacation time. I have a pre-schooler that has to be in his classroom by 8:15am, and he needs at least an hour after his morning pep talk to get his life together. Then there’s the 1 year old…yeah…moving on to number 6.
  6. “Why Don’t You Ever Pick Up the Phone?” – Because your rude butt calls me Everyday during nap time!!! Do you understand that during nap time I turn into a mime in my own home?!? There is no talking, there is no walking, there is no moving around, there is no sound! Hell! If I could figure out how to stop breathing and still be alive I would! I need this kid to sleep for HOURS! You’re calling me to talk about what somebody shared on Facebook is of No importance to me right now. Even when it isn’t nap time, Mommy’s cell phone is probably being used as a launching missile in a vicious war between Captain America and Iron Man.
  7. “You Never Invite Me Over During the Day” – To do what exactly?? Kids sniff out newbies and your presence will only make them feel as if the normal routine can be shifted or ignored all together. Yes, I’m at home all day, but there’s a strict structure that has to be followed to keep the entire household on track. You can come over and play with me later after their Dad gets home.
  8. “You Haven’t Had Your Hair/Nails Done in Forever!” – Because that’s Totally my top priority now that I keep my bonnet on all day to prevent Devin from driving his trains through my fro, as well as he also seems to be fascinated with my no-chip and thinks it’s amusing to pick it off. My appearance looks just the way that I choose for it to, and when an occasion calls for otherwise, I know how to get that taken care of. My hair and nails are probably healthier than yours anyway because I’m not messing with them all the time…Lemme go sip this tea though.
  9. “How Are You Not Giving Your Husband Sex Every Night??” – Ok, first of all, I don’t give my husband sex. It’s something that we both want and enjoy on an equally loving level. Second of all, by the time I get a chance to shower at midnight once the baby goes to sleep, I’m half-dead once my head hits the pillow. Again, you think I do nothing all day but sit tight and simmer for my beau. Ha! You better research some real life!
  10. “I Wish I Could Be a Stay-at-Home Mom” (now insert a funky smirk and some rolled eyes) – Listen here, because this is the one that I detest the most. Don’t wish for what you know Not of! Furthermore, don’t throw hater shade my way because of the way that my life affords me to live. You wanna be a SAHM, then do it! You better know what you’re getting yourself into and be choosing that role for good reasons. The old saying is still very relevant here; “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Thing is, you gotta figure out how I keep mine watered first! 😉
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Prozac and Pinot Grigio

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It’s an age-old taboo. An unspoken past time. The elephant in the room that everybody pretends as if they can’t see. We joke about it, frown our noses up regarding it, make mean judgmental snooty remarks, and don’t even realize the amount of us that are really out there…Medicated Wine-Controlled Mommies. Let’s get a bit real here. The average stay-at-home Mom is currently stirring up her special coffee-concoction during nap time, and hoping no one bothers her for at least an hour. We can put up fronts and play nice, but let’s always remember those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!

About four or five months ago I was prescribed the pretty popular little miracle pill called Prozac. My husband was tired of being yelled at for the telephone bill being paid a day late, my employees didn’t talk to me until after 10am every morning, my 3yr old had begun mimicking me and regularly yelling as his way of getting people’s attention, and anytime someone brought up something I didn’t want to hear I’d annihilate their lives and make them wish that they were never born. My doctor thought I might have a bit of anxiety 😛

Now, I’ve always been a pretty transparent person firstly because I’ve never truly cared what others thought, and secondly, because you never know when your story might help someone! I always encourage people to get it out before it explodes and takes over from within. Stress is serious and nobody really wants to talk about it. Especially Black women. We seem to think that the more unimportant self-righteous crap that we can add to our daily agendas will make us seem perfect, untouchable, and ultimately as if we can save the World. Well guess what?? We can’t! We have to start saving our sanity!

I’m no glorified pill popper, but I must say that my mood altering chemical imbalance has shifted back to the ‘safe zone’ since the start of my remarkable little blue and white buddies. Do I depend on them? Nah, but I now have a clear enough perspective to more reasonably and rationally work things out without a four-alarm fire ensuing. I say all of this to let my fellow Mommies know that when and if you need help, Get It, and Fast! You cannot live up to a stereotype or be stigmatized if you don’t actually subscribe to the terms of such. You can however become a vicious Medusa head Mommy who doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going, and two minutes from a complete mentally-shattering emotional meltdown.

Now there’s the wine…Let me say this and then we aren’t even going to have to address it anymore ladies. I, Patrice Robinson, will NOT now, nor ever, apologize for my wine consumption! I am a grown Ass woman who often needs a chill down period that a cup of tea just won’t do justice for. We as women have to stop being sorry for how we feel and the things that we need and want to do! A glass of wine here and there never hurt anybody, and three glasses more will guarantee that you’re too damn sleepy to care about any of those people anyway! 😀 I’m not saying become an alcoholic where you cannot function to properly care for your children, yourself, or your husband. You better find your outlet though, and you better utilize it as often as needed. So go join a wine club, chat up the wine enthusiast in the ‘Wine & Spirits’ section of your local grocer, find out what your palate prefers, buy some good wine glasses, and become the lush that you long to be! Don’t be sorry or feel guilty for any of this either, because the next time Little Joe Joe drives his truck up your newly painted walls, you’ll thank me!

Seriously though, we as women have to start owning our mental health, stability, and overall quality of life. Of course all joking aside, this post isn’t to promote the abuse of any controlled substance or prescribed medication (and you probably shouldn’t take the two together). I instead want you to gain a little insight and know that you’re not alone. Us Mommies do A LOT, and we don’t always know when it’s time to take care of ourselves. Maybe you need to eat healthier or maybe you need to incorporate a new exercise regimen. Me? I’m sticking with my good ole P & P! 🙂