Every mother’s BIGGEST venture!! Going to the store with the kiddos. This can be Really cool and productive, or it can be a Complete nightmare! I think the best thing is to always keep it fun no matter what and always remember your patience, that you love your children, and how to push a cart while counting to ten 😀
So everyone that knows me, knows the fact that I absolutely and with everything inside of me LOVE Target! I am one of those women who run in for some Febreeze and a birthday card and come out with $100 worth of candles, the latest Ninja Turtle toy, tons of pointless crap from the dollar section, and an entire new bedroom set! Eeeeeek! Unfortunately, there is no stopping this madness even when I have the boys with me. We still must tackle the big red circle!
So here’s my scene…pull up to a parking space while sternly giving the infamous “don’t touch ish! don’t ask for ish! and if you get loud in this store and embarrass me, I will personally make sure that Captain America runs away from home tonight!” speech. (yes, I threaten my 4 yr old. You haven’t met him in real life). Of course he sincerely assures me of his intentions on ‘being a good boy’ during our trip, but my innate Mommy senses know better. He’s a professional midget manipulator but I love him anyway, and have learned how to play his game. The 10 month old is eating his toes in the back of the car, and I’m putting in a special prayer that he waits until we get home to have his Holy Shit poop. I’m not a super clean freak, but something about those diaper changing stations just ain’t right! Even with the three blankets and sterile protective liner I use under his little booty.
We’re entering Target and the Midget Manipulator has already forgotten about our previous agreement less than five minutes ago and immediately lunges for an oversized red crayon bank in the dollar section. I immediately scold him, making him put it back. So what it’s only two dollars and this is where his Momma usually spends 1/4 of her Target budget. He doesn’t know that, and it’s all about the Principle :). We head straight to the baby aisle as our mission is to get Nursery water, cereal, items for lunch, and toilet tissue…wish me luck! We do pretty well in the baby aisle until the 10 month old discovers that he knows how to climb completely out of his seat and arbitrarily throw shit at his brother in the back of the cart. I can’t actually strap him in because he’s a pretty chunky baby (sad face). The Midget Manipulator now has his FALL, 6-12 month sized jacket, that he refused to leave home, pulled over his head in protest of not being able to have that red crayon. The 10 month old thinks this is funny and starts yelling…I’m speeding towards the toilet tissue.
We successfully make it to the cash wrap with all desired items, two kids, my car keys, my purse, and two kids. This is Great! Then some nosey know-it-all lady with a press ‘n’ go gets her panties in a bunch because the 10 month old is standing in the cart taking gum off of the counter. I politely tell her that he’s fine and he’s a baby, and start placing the gum back in its designated slot. The Midget Manipulator then tells me that the lady shouldn’t be talking to his baby brother Devin. His says this loudly. He keeps repeating it. Her face frowns up. I smirk back. I don’t even tell him to be quiet. At this point, we’ve made it to the home stretch with no strikes, and she’s just going to have to get over herself today.
I pay our for our items and we’re back out the door in less than thirty minutes, under $100, and the 10 month old isn’t smelly yet!! I rejoice and be glad 🙂 …and then the Midget Manipulator informs me in the car that he “didn’t mean to have that crayon that’s in my pocket Mommy” 0_0
I turn around and see the oversized red crayon, and simultaneously hear a Loud poot….There goes the successful Target Trip!