10 Things New Mommies Shouldn’t Apologize For – Pt.1

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It’s happened! The time has come! Your life has officially changed and there’s no looking back; you’re a New Mom!! Your emotions are a tad bit all over the place but nonetheless you are currently experiencing a level of undeniable bliss for another human being that there is no real relentlessly modest way to even sensibly express it…but now what?? Your perfectly planned and flawlessly designed life now begins to take some major twists and turns and you, to some extent, feel a little bit out of control and somewhat helplessly lonely, in your own personal cloud of cognitive dissonance. The reality of it all is that you will make it through! Believe it or not you’re gonna be ok — “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” 🙂

The annoyingly disheartening thing about this is that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand your plight, nor sympathize with some of your painstaking predicaments. Guess what Mommy….Eff Em! Let me tell you at least 10 things that you most positively and unequivocally should Not apologize for as a new Mom!!!

  1. Your Weight Gain or Lack of Weight Loss – Numero uno, thee most annoying thing anyone in their ever-loving mind can do is mention a woman’s post-pregnant weight. Just find something else to talk about. Period. Here’s the thing, we have already sat in the hospital and then in our homes, and then stood in our bathroom mirrors looking at this new body and then sucking in trying to figure out what in the hell we used to look like. We’ve seen ourselves naked and with clothes on, so your rude unwarranted comments about how our stomachs are “kinda going back down” only make us cringe and want to head butt you. We don’t need you to state the obvious or tell us what we looked like in college, and remind us how small our waists were, or how firm and perky our boobs were, or how many more chins we have now, or that our butts got bigger/wider/smaller, or how “that baby has really made you spread” *insert stale face emoji*. You just created, grew, and then spew forth life to an entire human being. Whatever the hell your body has done, you should not be ashamed of!
  2. Your Choice Not to Nurse – I need all of the Grandmas, Aunties, Breast Feeding Nazis, Facebook Fan Groups, and the like, to mind your darn business!! While I breast-fed with both of my children and will scream its wondrous benefits to the moon, I also understand that it is not for everyone. It is also not easy. It can be mentally traumatic, physically unrelenting, and cause feelings of overall failure if your experience doesn’t go well. I thank God for an angel disguised as an amazing lactation consultant nurse who got right into these sore swollen boobies and showed me how to more effectively latch my youngest son! Then some mothers just do not have the time or energy to nurse. You’re up every other hour at night, and when you return to work, you better hope you’re lucky enough to have your own office because you’re pumping every time you even think about your baby! Again, I personally believe that breast milk is the best milk and think one should at least try before they completely rule it out. Don’t stress yourself though. If you cannot or do not want to do it, don’t. Don’t apologize for it either!
  3. Not Being Ready For Intercourse Yet – This can be a biggie! Especially those of us who are married and in committed relationships so you’re probably sleeping with this man every night. The doctor said six weeks and you’re knocking on about twelve.  He is getting antsy and annoyed and you barely even have the attention span or time to notice. Well guess what MAN…She probably smells like breast milk, drool, an onion, leftover poop, and dirty hair because she gets a shower when she can and doing a wash, deep condition, and blow out with your favorite smelling conditioner just hasn’t been on her list of priorities lately. By the time she pathetically climbs into the bed, she is out quicker than a patient who gets anesthesia before a surgery. Needless to say, sex is the furthest thing from her mind right now. She loves you dearly and yearns for you also, but give her a little time and a weekend where your Mom has the kids and she can focus! She will get it together soon enough but she should not apologize for right now!
  4. Being Tired – This one is obvious and too easy. New Moms are freakin’ TIRED!!! Do you understand what the human body has just gone through, and now there’s a little human desperately staring at you for every ounce of their survival 24/7??? Don’t tell a new Mom that she looks tired. Don’t tell a new Mom that she doesn’t have a reason to be tired because she has a husband. Don’t downplay her tiredness just because you can’t comprehend it. Matter of fact, unless you’re willing to come over and watch the baby so she can sleep for 8-12 hours straight, don’t even talk!
  5. Becoming a New Person – I always sit back and wait for this one when I have friends or others that I know who are about to have their first child. These are usually the people who unfairly judged you when you had your first child and had a whole arsenal of smart ish to say about your new choices and way of living. Your priorities have changed and for good reasoning, but a lot of people won’t get that. Even being pregnant, you have no idea what your mind-set is about to evolve into. You no longer care about clubbing until 4am, making reckless choices with your health/overall life, pointless drama, drinking until you forget your last name, or what color your nails will be the next week. You’ve become an avid member of Mommy blogs and now subscribe to Parent magazine. Finding some good life insurance and researching the best daycare and pre-schools become your past time. You start to disconnect from busy body toxic friends that serve no purpose in the person who you need to ultimately be right now. Taking shots has transitioned into slowly sipping a good Malbec once you get the baby asleep at night. You forgot what nail polish even smells like, and are lucky to rip off that hang nail before it rips your child’s face open while giving him a bath. Things just aren’t the same anymore.

Your life has changed Momma. You owe No One an explanation…and you don’t need to apologize for that!

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5 Real Explanations as to Why Your Friends Aren’t Clapping For You

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About a week or so ago Viola Davis won an Emmy over Taraji P. Henson. Not only did Taraji leap in celebration of her friend, she sincerely supported her success and was genuinely happy for her. No jealousy. No spite. No resentment. Consequently, this popular televised event has caused women Worldwide to now began questioning their own friendships with their girlfriends, giving birth to the quickly coined catchphrase “Who’s really clapping for you when you win??”

I think as women we tend to be a bit more loaded in our intentions with each other. It isn’t always purposefully, but it is indeed something you can catch and check real fast; that is if you actually want to! Some of us will go years fighting the same battle with the same chick and then keep wondering why the friendship sucks. Going through the maze of several friendship zones, I’m going to go ahead and just let you in on a couple of reasons as to why your friends probably aren’t supporting you.

  1. You have what she wants and she has no idea how to get it – This one is tough and falls into the unintentional category. Let me say this though, the green-eyed monster is a very dangerous thing, and it will fester! — She got a slight nervous tic when you finished Grad school before she did. Her migraines came back when you called her in happy tears about getting engaged a year later. She flat-out had to call her therapist and request an emergency session when you instant messaged her the picture of your positive pregnancy test! — She’s still trying to figure out how to tell the Starbucks barista that she thinks he’s hot, and your ass has fulfilled the “American Dream” before 30! She’s frustrated and annoyed by your successes, but she can’t help it though. The old saying rings Very true here: “It’s hard to be happy for someone else when you aren’t completely happy with yourself!” If you all are true friends however, this won’t break you and it will eventually work itself out.
  2. She’s holding on to old pain that just won’t allow her to celebrate you – This one can go pretty closely hand in hand with the first one, but there’s a slight difference. This may be the friend that isn’t necessarily jealous of you, but instead really resentful about some sort of hurt you may have caused her in the past. She hasn’t let this go. Not sure if she truly ever will. She has to want to, and You have to know that all of the ‘I’m Sorry’ affirmations in the world may just not ever be enough. Some people live their lives dwelling on negativity and pain. It’s their defense mechanism against actually solving the problem at hand, being an adult, and moving on. It takes a rather strong person to be able to do this. Your girl just might not be the one who knows how.
  3. You’re boastful about all of your wonderful accomplishments and she wants to punch you in the face – Now this friend can be pretty damn funny! This is actually probably going to be your Best Friend, and the most valuable asset in your life. Why? Because she is going to tell your little snooty butt the truth! She could care less what pedestal the universe has placed you on, and she will keep reminding you of who you are and where you really come from. She already knows that you’re her ace in the hole regardless, so she may not necessarily do a cheerleading routine every single time you get a gold star! Keep her! She’s irreplaceable! 😉
  4. She’s just not on your level – Plain and simple. People grow and evolve in life. Everyone doesn’t do this at the same pace, and you have to realize that some just won’t understand the things you’re tying to do! Some people are fine with being stagnant and you need to let them stay that way! Know that your friendship had a good run and that it’s probably time to let it go. Remember, you are the company that you keep!
  5. She doesn’t actually like you – Don’t laugh or get upset here. There is more truth in this one than them all. Do you know how many women you have occupying your space that probably don’t even like you for real??? You have to be careful with this one. She won’t be as obvious as the rest. She will be the friend attached to you like a leach, but also the same one that secretly pokes holes in your rowboat right before she knows you’re about to sail off! There’s no real rhyme or reason as to why she continues to stick around or what her intentions are. Just know that you gotta get rid of her. I’ve met up with this kind one too many times in my life and can tell you exactly what to look for…
    1. She’s always in your damn face! It’s actually an oxymoronic pretty creepy issue.
    2. She’s always in your man’s damn face! Super Side Eye.
    3. She always has some smug comment or sideline jab to throw your way as an indirect insult.
    4. She plays all of the sides in several different friendships (i.e. She’s friends with all the friends, of the groups, who can’t stand each other). You cannot trust her!
    5. Drama and unfortunate circumstances always seem to manifest when she’s involved or comes around. Negative energy!

So pay attention and keep your eyes open! Now that you have a bit more insight into some of the characteristics of the non-clappers, you can act accordingly, make appropriate decisions, and move on with your life. As I always say, people can only affect you when you allow them to. That woman who isn’t in your corner really shouldn’t even make your stride skip a beat! If she does though…Fight your fire, Fix your collar, Fluff your fro, Clap for Yourself, and Keep It Movin!!

~Those are two of my AWESOME clappers pictured above by the way!! 😉

DJ & Devin’s Response to All the Critics…

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Hi! So we’ve heard about all of the controversy over Mommy’s recent blog post “6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…”, and we wanted to sound off on some of the responses. We promise not to take up much of your time because we know everyone is busy, plus we have to get back to playing with Mommy & Daddy! We Love our parents and it would only be right to defend them. Please keep in mind though that we’re only 11 months and 4 years old, so harsh comments might be a bit inappropriate and unnecessary towards us 😦

So here’s why we think you’re mad at Mommy & Daddy, and why we’ll always defend their honor…

  • A lot of people are REALLY upset about Mommy’s mention of RSVPing to two events and not being able to attend. Mommy & Daddy did Not just flake on their friends! BOTH parties were notified of the last-minute absence and given sincere apology as to why they couldn’t attend. Mommy even has a very nice baby gift for her expecting friend who’s shower she couldn’t attend!
  • Mommy didn’t write her post to offend single moms, childless women, or those that are not married. My brother and I aren’t all that good at reading yet, but I don’t think her post pointed any particular group out. She was speaking to whomever needed to receive it. If you became offended, it might be because Mommy touched an unspoken nerve on your Own behalf! Don’t be mean to my Mommy though! 😦
  • WHY WHY WHY are you all wishing divorce on our Mommy & Daddy?? You guys don’t get to see or be around them and realize just how much they love each other! It’s a very positive image for my brother and I to observe because it will teach us how to love our spouses when we grow up! Mommy isn’t co-dependent on Daddy. Daddy loves Mommy to death and is always by her side! She knows she can depend on him for anything and he knows she always has his back! We think it’s pretty cool!!  🙂
  • Contrary to what most assumed, Mommy & Daddy didn’t have an actual wedding, or bridal shower, or any of that other stuff you guys brought up. They had a really small ceremony composed of those they care for and who care for them. We also know our parents personally, and they don’t get their feathers ruffled by much. So not being able to attend an event they planned wouldn’t ruin their lives. They’d understand it and get over it. They realize that life doesn’t always work out the way you intend it to! 😉
  • My Mommy & Daddy actually DO have social lives, with each other and separately with their own respective friends. They’ve attended lots of weddings, baby showers, house-warmings, and birthday parties! Sometimes we don’t even wanna go but they make us! Obviously those were times when all the planets aligned perfectly in the Universe, and they were effortlessly able to attend.
  • My Mommy & Daddy have A LOT on their plates and they don’t complain about it.  They make humor out of it, which eases the load for us too. We don’t ever see our parents arguing or fighting or stressed out! Most of what they do, or do not do, is all for the benefit of us, so that our future is secure and bright!! My Mommy recently quit her full-time job as a Director to stay at home with us and make sure the house was running smoothly and that Daddy was also being taken care of. She makes sure that I (DJ) gets to and from school everyday (Pre-K is a pretty big deal! :-D), and she tends to my baby brother while I’m at school. She makes time to go on field trips with me and always makes sure I have a yummy healthy lunch made daily, plus lots of other cool stuff that takes a lot of dedication and time on her part. Whenever I have a “bright yellow day” at school, Mommy takes me to Starbucks for my favorite white milk shake! :)…My Daddy makes sure my uniform is pressed and fresh daily, and shows me how to tie my shoes and put on my tie like a big boy! He even takes us to the park and for walks when Mommy needs some alone time. My parents even have their own outside businesses and commitments that they make to the community. While my Daddy works full-time at a school, he also does Uber on weekends, and is the host of a popular Podcast, I94, with his good friends! How cool! My Mommy owns her own business and has her own hair product line that will actually soon be in stores. I’ve watched her sit at the kitchen table and make each bottle one by one, and then we go to the post office to ship them out! That’s pretty awesome to me and shows me an entrepreneurial spirit early on! You guys should check out her site at http://www.BeNaturallyHappy.com to see just how much more she does! Maybe even buy her product if you support her! She’s also got a well-followed Fan Page for her company on Facebook, at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Naturally-Happy/1570847059843108
  • Some of you guy’s scrutinized my Mommy’s grammar and writing style, but she’s actually a pretty Great and accomplished writer! Maybe you guys should go read her two published articles on Ebony.com and GoodHairMag.com: http://www.ebony.com/life/birth-after-loss-503#.VXllyku9L7o and http://www.goodhairmag.com/good-hair-featured-beauty-patrice/  🙂
  • Mommy & Daddy appreciate their friends. We’ve got A LOT of really cool “aunts and uncles” that we get to see all of the time, and they understand our busy lives, but still Love us! Mommy & Daddy have always taught us to hold on to nothing that doesn’t want to hold on to us! So if someone doesn’t want to be apart of Mommy and Daddy’s lives for whatever reason, they don’t sweat it, and neither will we! Those who want to be here aren’t going anywhere. Besides, they will always still have plenty that DO support them and us!

Well, we have to go now because it’s almost our bedtime, Mommy still has to read me a story and make my brother’s bottle, and Daddy promised to play hide ‘n’ seek with me after my bath. I hope we cleared up some stuff for you guys here, but if not, our family still has no hard feelings towards you! Like I tell my Mommy all the time, “DJ Loves ALL the people, and ALL the people Love DJ!” 😉