4 Times This Week You Realized You Didn’t Have Your Sh*t Together For 2016

Taraji P Crying

Don’t Cry Now…

It’s the dawn of a new day. The calm before the storm. You’re about to rewrite history and redefine the future. There’s only one problem. You just decided to embark on this revolutionary rendezvous like ten minutes ago and the New Year is like four seconds away…

We do this same exhausting jitterbug Every darn year and you all still think that this plan is effective. We wait until around December 1st to decide that we need Iyanla to fix our lives, and in 30 days! Not that there is anything wrong with implementing, fostering, and embracing change, but people have to learn the key effective components of simplicity and living within a reality-based existence. You Cannot and Will Not become a size 2 by January 1st, after being a size 24 on December 20th, and deciding that you were going to go on a crash diet, detox, do 400 burpees everyday, and buy a waist trainer! You may die instead. I’m just saying.

We have become a society of instant gratification. We don’t know how to brace ourselves, tune into our true needs, and then thoroughly strategize and construct a pragmatic plan of action.

Who knows their 6 Ps?

“Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.” 

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So in true essence of my viciously ingenuous therapy, I just wanted to keep you guys grounded a bit on the Eve of this delightful New Year. I only hope to bring light to your truth and inspire you to do a bit better…Or in the  most emphatically awakening manner ever, reassure your soul that it’s actually OK to be just where you are life! 😉

4 Times This Week You Realized You Didn’t Have Your Sh*t Together For 2016…

  1. When You Logged Into Facebook – I  don’t know what’s in the water these past couple days, but social media has been showing its narrow little behind lately! Everybody is either really angry, really happy, really racist, really in love, really annoying, really desperate, really successful, really fertile, really a do-gooder, really too serious, really phony, really lying, and/or all of the above. Meanwhile, you’ve been sitting on your couch this week, intensely absorbing all of this insanely ridiculous rubbish into your mental; and now you’re wondering who the hell you are, who the hell have you been, and how the hell do you become ALL of these things that you have been seeing. It’s only human nature to compare and contrast ourselves with others. In some instances it can be quite healthy. In some cases it can be toxic. Whatever side of the force of nature that you’ve taken to, Do note that Facebook has found a way to victoriously ruffle people’s feathers and cause them to rethink their entire damn existence and purpose in life!
  2. When You Switched Over Your Savings to Your Checking, Paid Off Most of Your Credit Cards, and Still Managed to Build Up a Nice Little Nest Egg to Take You Into the New Year, and Then Sallie Mae Called  – You probably shrieked with this one. Sallie Mae is the Devil. Student Loans are the most effective systematically controlling way to always keep you in debt! They can’t be filed with bankruptcy accounts, they refinance into the cost of three more tuitions, and they will garnish your $19/hour salary and think nothing of it. Yes, there are some who have mastered the art of their payment arrangement and pride themselves in that accomplishment. However, the bulk of most higher education having, useless-degree-toting citizens that I know, wouldn’t mind pulling a Michael Myers on ole Sallie! Just when you thought you had your finances stable, your academic front money from 20 years ago reminds you to go have several seats.
  3. When It Dawned on You That You Still Had the Same Dead-End Job   – The goal in life is to always aim higher and seek better. This holds especially true when we ponder over our jobs and careers and where we would like to be in our futures. The problem is that this amazing vision isn’t always so easily attainable. The job/position we entered into back in 2006 that we said we would occupy no longer than 2-3 years, has now turned into about 10. This is ok if you’re already in your desired profession, career, Company, and/or position. This may not be ok, however, if you’re still the Paralegal whose plan was to ultimately become a Partner (please reference Rachel from American drama series Suits). Now here you are on December 28th trying to figure out why you haven’t gotten your life together yet, and realizing that you just may not have your ish together like you thought you did!
  4. When You Were Honest Enough With Yourself To Actualize That You Didn’t Need To – Are you smiling yet? You should be because the entire premise of this post should’ve just come full circle for you. You are fine just the way you are!!! Don’t let society, Facebook, Finances, Career choices, a new year, or a blog measure your greatness! At this point you’re either Extremely upset with me, or remarkably enlightened. You actually read through this the entire time judging yourself and thinking that you didn’t have your sh*t together…Truth be told, you’re only as “together” as you deem necessary and acceptable. If I go into 2016 with my same baggage from 2016, I’m actually going to be ok with that and just go buy me some new cuter luggage. 🙂 See where I’m going with this?? Enhance what you have, improve what you can, keep what you need, and be content with the rest. Make orange juice outta lemons and always consider your glass half full — of Wine of course! 😉

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Now go have a FANTASTIC evening and bring in your New Year  just the way that you want to…Me?? Im going to go get my Sh*t Together!! *grabs Chardonnay bottle*

Image sources: GIPHY, Strikkly Hip Hop, and Head Over Feels

 

Also visit this author’s hair blog at www.BeNaturallyHappy.com

 

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But First…You Gotta Let Your Ex Go

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You probably thought this was an article about Chris Brown & Karrueche eh? NOT!…but you still need to hear this though!

Happily almost ever after just shattered your entire little world! He/She was the sugar in your Kool-Aid and the perfect verse over a dope beat. This relationship changed your angry Facebook rants to giddy memes with little hearts doodled in the corner. You’ve since been able to now watch Love Jones and entirely get the concept of “Nina & Darius” completely free of judgment. Regular ‘rollover’ puts an extra sprint in your step, and Date Nights have replaced weekend turn-up adventures at the club. You got this close to going to Jared, and she has practiced her predictably emotional “YES!” reply in front of her mirror a gazillion times…and then y’all broke up.

So now what? You probably are both going to spend like 6 months trying to find yourselves, your lives, and your dignity. You deactivate that above-mentioned Facebook page because it’s a lot easier than going through all 50 million albums and statuses you made, trying to erase anything that even slightly exhibits remembrance or representation of the Ex. We won’t even talk about all of the shared posts and tagged pics that you might have to endure because you two know ALL of the same damn people! Every song reminds you of them and you now drive 10 miles out of your way every day to avoid “Our Starbucks” and go to one where no one knows you. Last but not least, you pretty much just purchase all new furniture, bedding, and underwear because…you just can’t!

Well now your six month Pity Party is coming to an end, and I’m being very generous with this timeframe. Pay the bill, clean up the venue, wish your guests well, and walk AWAY from this party! What exactly do I mean by this metaphor?? I’m glad you asked…

  • Stop Being a Hater – No, but seriously. It just doesn’t look good. Let the new Boo be! Even all of those friends and associates who may cheer you on and laugh at  your tasteless jokes are shaking their heads behind your back. There is nothing worse than letting everyone know just how bitter you are.
    • New Boo is built like a brick-house, with thick flawless natural hair from the Gods, and a wardrobe game to rival New York Fashion Week. You’re still trying to figure out how to Zumba off your muffin top, you’ve lost all of your edges from wearing tight bad weaves, and your regular outfit consists of leggings and your high school alumni tee. So what do you do? Grab your BFF and attentively go through every shred of her Facebook page, making commentary on why “she really isn’t all that cute.” Get it together woman. Use whatever insecurities she brings out of you to make yourself better!
    • Man Crush Monday has a nice car. You have Geo Tracker. So you find ridiculous ways to try and downplay his impeccable apparatus of transportation by saying dumb ish like “Man, that car ain’t even in his name!” Stop It! That Tracker wouldn’t be in your name either if it wasn’t 50 years old, twice paid off, with a transferred title from your Momma!
  • Stop Texting Them – Texting these days makes it easy to be passive-aggressive and even easier to be a professional psycho stalker! He/She doesn’t care that you got a new job, lost your dog, grew a beard, dyed your hair purple, saw Jesus at the grocery store, or even that a family member may have passed (I know this one is harsh but some of you use this a LOT as leverage!). No “Good Mornings” and “TTYL” or “Good Nights” with the goofy-grinning emojis! Part of your healing process will come in eliminating this person from your communication mainframe. You’re only texting that Ex for a couple of reasons, and they all need to cease:
    • You want validation from them because you’re not getting it from anyone else right now, and you know it’s easy to get from them.
    • You want them to know that you’re doing well without them, and at the same time, make sure that their lives are miserable without you.
    • You want them back, know that isn’t an option, and you settle for whatever small piece of them that you can get.
    • You know they have another significant other and you’re trying to start ish. I’ve done this one before. It didn’t play out well. Don’t get your feelings hurt out here on dummy!
  • Forgive Them – One of my most favorite books of all time is by Iyanla Vanzant, Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything. If you struggle with the principles and effectiveness of forgiving others, go purchase this now, start reading, and free your conscience! There is nowhere positive that you can get in life with a distressed and heavy heart & mind towards another person. Please understand this! They cheated on you and destroyed your perception of trust. I get it. We all do. It’s devastating but guess what; you’re going to have to get all the way Over it! Learn the lesson, take the notes, write a song about it, buy some new lipstick, do ten push-ups, and keep it moving. Old baggage turns into new psychological suitcases, and now you’re no good to any damn body. Say it with me: This too shall pass!
  • Know Who You Probably Need to Remove From Your Life Now That You’re No Longer Together – Quit calling his Momma, going to get your nails done with his sister, hooping with her brother on Monday nights, commenting under all of their friend’s/family’s social media posts, and using their best friend as your new therapist. These are all side-eye shady moves and will hurt no one but yourself! If you didn’t have a significant tie to any of these people before you two became an item, nine times out of ten, you don’t need one now. It’s a conflict of interest, trust, and just an overall bad idea that isn’t worth the simmering fire.
  • GO and DATE – Yeah, yeah, yeah, your Ex was the absolute Best thing that ever happened to you, the Best looking person that you’ve ever laid eyes on, and you’ll never have a connection with anyone else like you had with them…That’s why y’all are still together right???  — They are an Ex for a reason, and you have to give yourself permission to push forward and explore others. Constant comparison of your Ex will keep you only focused on your Ex. While I do think people should allow themselves time alone to get it together, I also believe that entering back into the dating world is healthy and necessary for healing.

Moral of this story…Get over yourself, your situation, and more importantly, Get Over Your Ex!! 

 

This Is What Black Motherhood Looks Like: Birth After Loss

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Seven months ago I randomly submitted a piece to EBONY.com for a Mother’s Day feature, focusing on extraordinary stories of Black Motherhood and what it meant to me. This movement was categorized as #ThisIsWhatBlackMotherhoodLooksLike.  I literally took one of the most tragic moments of my life and commenced to spilling my pain into 1,000 words or less. I had no idea that the remarkably talented, three-time Black Weblog Awards winner, and culturally-aware Fierce Feminist Femme Fatale would actually pick my little ole essay to post! Jamilah Lemieux, Senior Editor for EBONY Magazine, made my day, my week, and inspired me to continue writing. Today I’m choosing to share again this timeless piece with you all, in hopes that I can encourage another Black Mom to keep believing!

#ThisIsWhatBlackMotherhoodLooksLike

 

This is my story…

At the age of 32, married with a busy body toddler, my wish was to “complete” my family by adding on a bright beautiful bubbling little girl. So my husband and I decided to discontinue using birth control and got to procreating! In September of 2013, I got the beginnings of my wish. After about a week of irritability, an unexplained appetite, and literally falling asleep at my desk, I told hubby to go grab the generic two-pack of pregnancy tests (they work better!), and trickled on a stick. Voilà! There it was! That one little pink line that usually defined the rest of a woman’s life. I was pleasantly surprised but still taken aback at the thought of going through the nine-month stretch again. My husband was happy, my mom was elated, and an unsuspecting only child couldn’t wait to become a big brother.

Then, October 6th happened.

Just like any other Sunday, I got up with my little one, made breakfast, and we watched “Elmo’s World.” My husband slept soundly after having worked a hellish 12-hour overnight shift. He had no idea our lives were about to change…as I snuggled into my couch and watched my son play with his toys, I began to mildly cramp up. Nothing extreme. The kind of cramps you have when people reassure you that your uterus is just stretching, so I didn’t worry. The cramps continued on though. A little longer than I had experienced before; and they got more intense. Still not in a panic, I simply got up and went to the bathroom, self-diagnosing myself with “preggo indigestion.” Only, by the time I had finished, I was on all fours in the middle of my bathroom reassuring my two-year-old that “Mommy was ok”, and gently but sternly trying to tell him to go get Daddy.

Mommy wasn’t okay. I was in the type of pain where I couldn’t move from side-to-side. All I could do was lie on the stretcher in the ER and groan sadly that I didn’t want to lose my baby. My husband held my hand tight and whispered to me to try and stay calm and that it would be okay. Again, Mommy wasn’t okay. I watched that ultrasound screen as the doctor poked and prodded earnestly trying to find some evidence of a pregnancy. There was nothing there. All I heard was “This pregnancy will not last. It has not implanted correctly…”

My world caved in and swallowed me whole. I stared up at those offensive fluorescent lights of that ER exam room and hot tears just ran down the sides of my face. I was a mere and fresh 7 weeks pregnant. I didn’t know the gender. I had already picked names though. Just the day before I had gone to Whole Foods and purchased every healthy item that my pregnancy app recommended. But in less than twenty-four hours, I would have a surgery to not only remove my baby, but my entire left fallopian tube. Life re-birthed itself from that point on.

Days were hard and nights were terrible. I boycotted social media indefinitely in the fear of seeing someone’s pregnancy announcement or overly adorable picture of an infant. My Oxycodone numbed me physically but did little to relieve my mental anguish. I didn’t talk about it much and neither did those around me. I cried at night in the living room while my husband slept and thanked God that my little boy didn’t know enough about life to even realize what had happened. I realize now that I probably should have sought out professional help, but I, as many Black women, instead treated myself with journaling, praying, and wine time at noon. After 6 full weeks at home, I realized that life had to go on, my family needed me, my career demanded me, and that I would be Ok.

Mommy was doing better. I finally got life back up and running and moved away from the misery. My husband and I chose to try again for another baby. Low and behold, at the end of January 2014, I got another pink line! A gloomy and strange cloud of uncertainty, doubt, and horror hovered over me, but then I remembered that I was a strong woman, one who needed to become that lost strength for other moms who were afraid to talk about this trauma and ashamed to admit it. So I embraced my pregnancy and celebrated even harder when I passed 7 weeks and we were told that this one had implanted where it should.

On October 9, 2014, Devin Letez Robinson came into this world at 9:01 am, exactly one year and 48 hours to the day that I had gone into surgery to terminate my ectopic pregnancy. My little boy was healthy, happy, and most importantly, alive! He’s 6 months now, and we have an unspoken bond that even I don’t understand at times. I released that hurt the moment he came into this world, and never looked back. I just want to empower other women to know that we can and will survive loss, hurt, and unfortunate circumstance. Black women are often so focused on being the never broken cord, that we forget we are human. I’m here to say…“Mommies, you will be okay!”

 
Read more and see this full article here at EBONY
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Why You’re Really Mad at Ayesha Curry…

 

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“Everyone’s into barely wearing clothes these days huh? Not my style. I like to keep the good stuff covered up for the one who matters…”

Annnnnnd just like that, the World went bananas!

I must say that I am sincerely confused by the uproar that the above comment caused. A bit taken aback even. When did our pedigree become so preposterously loose, tacky, and unapologetically disreputable? It took me awhile to even gain interest in this whole fiasco, but after really sitting down and reading some of the backlash that Mrs. Curry received for her statement, I had to regroup. Let me make sure I have the facts straight here. Society got infuriated with a respectable married mother of two young daughters, who felt as though she didn’t need her pocketbook and watermelons hanging out and on display in public?? Matter of fact, she went even further and told you that her pretty vanilla sugar was only for her husband to observe and enjoy. I’m still trying to figure out the problem here. From another married mother of two children with some damn sense…Mrs. Curry, I salute you boo!

Society has flat-out lost its entire mind. In the plight to achieve equal rights, maintain this overly remixed concept of feminism, and flaunt our independent stature, we have lost what it means to have refined class, dignity, and self-worth. I read this article, Here’s What’s Wrong With Ayesha Curry’s Tweet About How Some Women Dress ‘These Days,’ that had all types of fire for Ayesha. The author lashed out that “She’s [Ayesha] insinuating that women who dress more revealingly are showing off their ‘good stuff’ for people who don’t matter.” Hmmmm, that’s Exactly what she was saying! She didn’t insinuate a damn thing. Baby girl made it real plain.

So of course this got my mind pondering on exactly why women got their feelings hurt by one little declaration of her truth . Here’s what I think:

You’re Really Mad at Ayesha Because…

  1. She Can Back Her Statements Up With Her Lifestyle – This seems to piss people off. I think we would’ve taken her statement a bit more lighthearted and accepting if she was in fact a Complete contradiction of what she was portraying. We’re a society of calculated counterfeit bulls*t! How dare this trick actually be the person that she so arrogantly represents?
  2. She Meant Every Single Word She Said – Chile, she read you all for Filth in less than 100 words, and you were left standing in an embarrassed stupor, in your Jordan onesie, talking about being the baddest b*tch.
  3. It Burned You Up That She Does Actually Have a Husband to Show Her Goodies To – In the words of my Granny, “everybody ain’t able.” Let’s just be honest here. The Mrs just shut it down by basically letting you know that she had her forever, she didn’t need to be half-naked to keep him, and that you probably shouldn’t either. Don’t get mad at me! I’m just the messenger. 😉
  4. You Actually Thought That Dressing Scantily Clad Was Liberating – Fail! I’m all for women’s rights and the quest for liberalism. What I’m not about is losing your soul and integrity to try and prove a point. There are other ways to emancipate your womanly essence without your tatas being on display, or in a dress so snug/revealing that absolutely Nothing is left to your partner, nor the whole room’s, imagination.
  5. She Didn’t Go Along With The In-Crowd – So she doesn’t skip around with the rest of the current media mavens who decided to wear $.99 Leda stockings with rhinestones glued on them, as a dress, out to the latest big event. She also didn’t paint absurdities all over her catsuit and march through Magic City talmbout no damn “Slut Shaming”… How mad does that make you?? I can more than attest to this within my own life. Cliques are very much so real. Even as adults. When you don’t play nice with those intertwined in the ‘Moral Majority’ you get excommunicated and ostracized for going against the norm. People need to realize, however, that everybody is not going to ‘agree to disagree’ with you. Some of us are going to flat out come for your head, eat you alive, and spit out your b*llshit. This is precisely what Mrs. Curry did.
  6. Her Husband Defended & Backed Her Statement – This one right here is what made y’all want to rip her edges clean out!! Not only did she very unmercifully shoot fire with her commentary on Twitter, Hubby came through and cleverly clapped back at the naysayers by posting a flawless picture of his fully-dressed Mrs, and affectionately giving her the name “the instigator.” I do believe that unequivocal support of his opinionated boo thang (and the fact that she is gorgeous in her own right) is probably what made y’all panties hot!

At the end of the day, women need to get back to being women! Classy, elegant, posh, chic, grand, regal…These are all things that we have lost. The media tells us that we need to surgically enhance ourselves to be beautiful because the more of our bodies that we show the more attention that we will receive. Society leads you to believe that it’s empowering to be caught out with your mate, or otherwise, with little to nothing covered. Sorry, I don’t agree. Maybe we could get back to the days where we admired women such as Clair Huxtable and those of her caliber, as opposed to the video vixens, and reality show madams. Just a thought; but hey, what do I know???

 

~Check out the hair blog as well at BeNaturallyHappy.com~

34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser

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Yesterday I turned 34 and have been in some type of peculiar mental space. My mind runs 10 miles per minute and I often go through random bouts of deep somber introspection. So I decided to be even more transparent than usual and share my soul with you all: 34 Bars…Straight, No Chaser.

  1. 34 times I’ve felt like giving up.
  2. 34 times I wasn’t always perfect but pretended to be.
  3. 34 times I lied to get something I wanted.
  4. 34 times I gave people access who didn’t deserve entrance.
  5. 34 times I kept my mouth shut to make someone else happy.
  6. 34 times I promised myself I wouldn’t ever put myself in a certain situation again.
  7. 34 times you wanted my life but had no idea how to water my grass.
  8. 34 times I drank the pain away.
  9. 34 times I hurt someone’s feelings and didn’t care.
  10. 34 times I let my emotions rule a major decision.
  11. 34 times I hated my boss.
  12. 34 times my husband has made me upset.
  13. 34 times I wished I hadn’t been judged.
  14. 34 times I wanted to apologize but my pride wouldn’t let me.
  15. 34 times I made love to my husband and felt his spiritual electricity explode into my Earth.
  16. 34 times I Thanked God for my marriage.
  17. 34 times I missed my best friend.
  18. 34 times I was played by the same guy.
  19. 34 times I touched the scars on my abdomen and wondered how my child was doing in the after life.
  20. 34 times I wanted someone to forgive me.
  21. 34 times I kissed my children and prayed that they would survive through all of the injustices in the world.
  22. 34 times I wondered who my Father was.
  23. 34 times I wanted to be more supportive and loving to my siblings but didn’t know how to be.
  24. 34 times I cried when no one was around.
  25. 34 times I took up for people who will never know that I cared.
  26. 34 times I knew I was in the wrong.
  27. 34 times I saved a Company that didn’t value me.
  28. 34 times I’ve been vulnerable.
  29. 34 times I was quiet when I should’ve spoken up.
  30. 34 times I talked when I should’ve been quiet.
  31. 34 times I’ve hoped someone noticed that I wasn’t as strong as I always portray.
  32. 34 times my Mother didn’t understand me.
  33. 34 times I thought about not writing this.
  34. 34 times…I realized that I had to.

Why I am Not Here For the “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” Movement

 

 

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Lurking on social media I see all types of preposterous mentions of questionable opinions. Lately there has been one pretty spicy topic to come up that I just can’t keep my big mouth shut about.

So let me paint a quick picture…you and your bestie are lounging in the living room, sipping Pino and talking ish. All of a sudden, she makes a statement and ends it casually identifying herself as a “Stay-at-Home Girlfriend” – PAUSE. Now I have some pretty loose-tongued, low-tolerance, comfortably unapologetic honest friends with overly ‘colorful’ points of view! I can imagine the response to that statement being something in the area of “you’re a WHAT Bish???”, lmbo, I’m just saying…So this now brings me to my controversial question of the day: What in THEE whole hell is a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend???

Let me preface my rant by first saying that I am in No way against girlfriends or women that are not married. Nor do I have any beef with single Moms or honestly secure women who feel as though they just aren’t into marriage. What I do frown upon and act real uncouth about are the many lovely ladies out there lying to kick it and putting up a front about what they know they deserve and want from a man. Our society is all caught up in titles. I get it. If we didn’t have titles we wouldn’t know who actually held some kind of importance, versus who just thought their ass was important and should probably have a seat. You don’t call the Alderman the President of the United States. Feel me?? Anyhow, I believe it is this undying and almost mentally debilitating need to be “Somebody’s Something” in life. People take pride in their roles and hold them with great honor. That being said, all too often we like to be identified with, and put ourselves into, categories of those things we actually aren’t. Traditionally, a Stay-at-Home Wife is one that is married to her mate and usually stays home full-time, at either her own choice or the choice of her spouse…because she can. Let’s go a bit deeper shall we. Wikipedia states the following:

“A housewife is a woman whose main occupation is running or managing her family’s home—caring for and educating her children, cooking and storing food, buying goods the family needs in day-to-day life, cleaning and maintaining the home, making clothes for the family, etc.—and who is generally not employed outside the home.[1] Merriam Webster describes a housewife as a married woman who is in charge of her household. The related term homemaker has almost the same meaning but is not limited to women and does not connote marriage.”

So a Stay-at-Home Girlfriend is actually a homemaker that’s not necessarily a woman??? Sheesh, I’m going to leave that one for another post so let me stay focused!… I also looked up Stay-at-Home Girlfriend and you wanna know what I found besides this cute little newly coined acronym “SAHG”…Comical, cleverly asshole-written SATIRE! And that’s Exactly how I feel about it also! It’s a joke! A punchline! A cunningly cute contrast to a life that you probably want but have settled and convinced yourself that you’re ok without. Yes, I said it. I’ve heard this story WAY too many times of becoming the live-in girlfriend who is still dropping painstakingly awkward hints on the hopeless fact that we “aren’t gonna be Just your girlfriend for too much longer”. Again, if you don’t want to get married, click off of my post now and go sip some tea. However, if you DO, read on and absorb heavily!

If you are single-handedly tending to all of the “duties” mentioned above in the “Housewife” definition, and you are a Girlfriend, YOU my Dear need to re-evaluate your goals in life. Yes, I said it again! Ever heard of the phrase, why would you buy the cow if you’re already getting the milk??? (I think that’s what it says, but you get my point). A HUGE problem women have these days is the fear of standing firm, being aware of their worth, and being afraid to demand what they know they deserve. This has set the pathetic tone of our new age man to not give a damn or have any accountability in long-term relationships! It isn’t all that easy for many men to “be ready” for marriage but I will tell you this…He can be ready all he wants, but if he has someone who happily allows his ass to stay stagnant, he Will! Men need to be challenged! ALL OF THE TIME! Even after you marry them! When you no longer become something he has to work for and continue evolving because of, you become the Sunday paper that he keeps picking up and taking in the house as an habitual gesture; because it’s easier and less messy than leaving them all over the porch every week…Holler when you catch it…

ASK for your damn ring! DEMAND your security! SIT your ass in a house everyday that you also own, and SPEND money from accounts that you have the legal right to as well! Now I know some of that sounds a bit gold-diggerish, but I am being dead serious here! Have some Real life ties to this man! We have TOO many unhappy Black women continuously playing this role instead of getting their shit together! Do you know how many times I’ve gotten the searing glare while out with my children or alone and people (Caucasians) learn that I have a HUSBAND as opposed to a baby daddy or just a boyfriend???? The shit is almost unnerving, but it’s examples such as that which get me so irate at our progressive tendency to just take what we can ’cause at least we got that. FAIL! DO BETTER!

Now in terms of the actual “title”, I won’t be calling you no damn Stay-at-Home Girlfriend! Not solely because I don’t take you seriously, but because when people actually ask ME what I do for a living, I don’t answer them “Oh! I’m a Stay-at-Home Wife!” That’s foolish and nonsensical. I’m a married Mother of two who chooses to stay home and take care of my home and children Full-Time, while I run my own business, as opposed to punching a clock everyday. The value I have within my family cannot be measured by a title, but by what I provide to their lives and well-being. I could care less what you call me, but I won’t ever be downplayed and you will never identify me as a girlfriend. So I ask these girlfriends, why try to appropriate a term essentially originated for a wife’s stature if that truly isn’t what you’re trying to be???…Don’t Worry. I’ll Wait

 

~Also Check Out the Hair Blog via Naturally Happy~

8 Things New Age Millennial Women Are No Longer Accepting From a Grown Man

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Scrolling through my Facebook timeline the other day, I ran across a very interesting meme. Very straight-forward but quite piercing. Next to a pretty dapper African-American gentleman dressed as a seemingly cultured and mature member of society, read the following words: “A man who views the world at 40, the same way he did at 20, has just wasted 20 years of his life.” I nonchalantly agreed, hit the ‘share’ button, and thought nothing more of it. Then my notifications blew up with a crap load of “yassssssss..” “girl you better Say that” and the infamous praising hands emoji, and I got intrigued. Women were really up in arms over this message. These thirty words or less brought to life what seems to be the main irritatingly provocation plaguing single women today. Are our men really half-assing it, and sadly, do they even realize or care enough to do anything about it? I don’t think they all fall into this category; but to that paltry, intolerable, and tired ten percent that do…I have a Word for you. No self-respecting, half mentally-stable woman of substance and dignity with a future is going to take any of the following any longer (at least they shouldn’t).

  1. You Still Stay at Home with Your Momma – I’m not even going to play with this list, so we might as well just start off with fire. Unless you moved in to tend to an ailing parent, assist with expenses, or are Temporarily there while you get back on your feet, grown men don’t need to be living at home with their Mommies past the age of 30. No woman wants to get off of work, exhausted and in need, and have to come tip toe around your Momma’s living room fully dressed because she has to respect her house. No woman feels comfortable completley engaging in sexual activity with your Mom 10-feet away watching General Hospital reruns. It’s just trifling! Men need to be Men, and a huge part of that is having their own space. Get to apartment hunting!
  2. You Don’t Have a Bank Account – To heck with all of the conspiracy theories about how you don’t trust nobody to hold on to your money, and how you don’t like banks. What does that mean Sir?? This isn’t even about the amount of money you have in the bank, but more so the idea of responsibility towards your finances. Part of becoming an adult is embracing adult concepts. Oh, and that Rush card doesn’t count either! I need your money insured by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), and not kept in a purple Crown Royal bag in your sock drawer.
  3. Not Being Knowledgable of Appropriate Formal Wear – Another non-negotiable. Some women like to step out. I mean real stepping out; evenings at the Opera, Alvin Ailey’s latest production, The Joffrey Ballet, just to name a few. You cannot wear your flyest Trues and new J’s to any of these events. I will punch you. I also need you to know your neck size, inseam, and how to calculate your sleeve length. These figures are all numerical. Not S-XXL. GQ magazine has really awesome How-To articles and Brooks Brothers has amazing sales on the holidays. Thanks!
  4. You Have No Concept of a Fine Restaurant – You never know when you need to make an eloquent impression via dinner date (business meeting or girlfriend). Nope, Red Lobster, Grand Lux Cafe, and Cheesecake Factory don’t make the list. I’m talking about establishments with seven course meals, cellared vintage wine, and market-rate seafood lists. Topolobampo and Spiaggia are two divine ones to start with if you’re in Chicago! 😉
  5. You Don’t Know How to Order or Pick Out Good Wine – This goes hand-in-hand with my last point. If you know anything about me, you know how near and dear this particular notion is to my heart. I am a self-professed wine connoisseur in my head and I believe that the average grown up should at minimum be well-versed in wine selection. I’m not saying that I’m looking for a sommelier, but I do need you to know the difference in the reds and whites and not to Ever insult me with preposterous beverages such as pink moscato.
  6. You Don’t Know How to Actually ‘Court’ a Woman – Contrary to the most recent popularity of the term, women don’t actually consider ‘Netflix & Chill’ a credibly acceptable first date. Seriously. The idea is cute months down the line after we’ve established what your last name is, but we need you to do a bit better in the beginning. Think old school and don’t fall for the misconception that women don’t like ‘nice guys.’ Be thoughtful. Be inventive. Be a pleasant mystery. Be consistent. Be respectable. Making random overly-thirsty comments under her Facebook pictures, or utilizing SnapChat as your sole means of getting to know her as a person is obnoxious and distasteful. While I do not subscribe to the idea of “rules” while dating and could care less when women give their cookies away, I also don’t subscribe to flat-out nonsense. Learn the particulars of constructive, engaging conversation and interaction and use them!
  7. You’re Still Using the Excuse That You Don’t Know How to Commit – Bull! How about you don’t want to. I am a firm believer that a woman cannot change a man, and that a man changes when he wants to. That being said, it may be time to grow-up. You can’t be claiming to want happily ever after with Lisa when you won’t leave Tracy, Keisha, and Tammy alone. This has to be an effort made first on your behalf. Just think about which of the above ladies might not be willing to hang around and wait!
  8. You Have NO Ambition, Life Plan, or Structured Work-Ethic – Notice here that I did not say job. You can have a job and still no real goals. There are entrepreneurs who do not consider themselves anybody’s employee, but have a 10-year career plan that would impress Steve Jobs. My point here fellas is to be ambitious and realistic! Also be consistent and productive. We just want you to have a damn plan for your life! Where are you trying to go? How do you think you can get there, and most importantly, How can We help? Couples have to build each other up, but there has to be a foundation. We hear it all the time and there’s no difference here: We are the company that we keep. That includes your man! If he ain’t keep-able then why are you still being kept