That Time When You Wanted to Punch Your Husband…

couple-fighting

Don’t turn up your nose or make the surprised face. We’ve all been here at some point. You love him to death, but if you have to wipe pee off of the toilet One more time or catch him scraping the sharpest fork he can find into your expensive ass, PTFE Teflon non-stick cookware, you’re going to be on the next ‘Special Edition’ episode of Snapped

Ladies, men Do Not get it! Their brains aren’t wired to, and their attention spans are still in the toddler stages. While most of our frustrations are very well justified, until you began  to realize where all of this is coming from, stop taking it personal, and learn to open your OCD up for compromise, you will miserably fail in marriage.

With that being said, I still need to vent a little with my fellow espoused butterflies. You can either send this to your hubby Right when you know he arrives to work and is getting ready to start his day (evil voice laugh), or you can grab a glass and wine and enjoy during your own solo time. Whichever you do, just remember that we’re poking fun at the obvious and if you feel like you need to divorce your husband after reading a blog, She Speaks ain’t got Nothin’ to do with that!!

You Wanted to Punch Him When…

1. He picked you up from somewhere and you noticed that the gas hand was in the negative

WHY WHY WHY do you all do this?? Seriously! You passed twelve gas stations with your Low Fuel light on, and then merged your ass onto the highway. WTH?!?! Automobiles do not run on charm, air particles, gym sweat, or your iPhone charger! That stinky liquid stuff called gasoline is actually needed. Like, all the time. It also isn’t all that smart to keep driving your car down to ‘E’. Your fuel pump is there to help you. Not to suck in air which could prematurely ruin it. I’m no mechanic, but I think this repair will cost much more than the $2.39/gallon gas fill up. Contrary to popular belief, us women don’t think it’s cute to get stranded because we ran out of gas! We think it’s irresponsible and a Huge turn-off.

2. You sent him to the grocery store with not only a detailed grocery list, identifying which aisle each item will be in, and which clerk to seek out if he had an issue finding something. You also texted him pictures of the items requested so there would be no discrepancies…He came back home with half the ish on your list, claiming that most of it he did not see, they did not have, and 2/3 of what he brought back was wrong

Men just don’t care about the grocery store as much as we do. Women will leave the house at 8am on a Sunday with three lists, ten coupons, five Rewards cards, and a Pinterest recipe bookmarked on our phone! It’s not a Game! We have a purpose here and it’s critical that it be accomplished correctly. We don’t even go to just One grocery store! We know the realness and essential requirement in traveling to at least three stores for different items (organic foods, meats, fruits & veggies, sale, wine, seafood, etc.). This is something we will never be able to pass along or teach our men. The passion just isn’t there.

3. You forwarded him Every email, sent him notifications from the sites, personally synched your ‘Finances’ calendar to his, and sent smoke signals at 5am the morning a bill was due…He asks you later on that night at 9pm what day are y’all supposed to pay the electricity bill on

Grrrrrrrrr!!!! Arrrrrrrgh!!!!! I will never understand some men’s aloofness with personal finances. I think husbands tend to be worse because they know that they have mini-accountants as wives who will take care of everything. Not true. We forget sometimes too which is why two minds are better than one. The difference is that us forgetting is because there’s one billion other household affairs that we’re solving in our minds at the same time. You forgot because, well, ok , you never cared to know in the first place. *le sigh*

4. The one rare time you go out for an evening, you come home to children that had Cheez-Its and graham crackers for dinner and the baby is naked in a droopy diaper with everything he’s eaten crusted around his mouth…Hubby gives you the “What??” face

Again, men are not like us. We want order. We’re precise and we plan. We want our kids to eat healthy, nutritious, well-balanced meals and not smell like Garbage Pail Kids. Men just want them to be alive. This is fine. I’ve learned to just keep sending annoying ‘reminder’ texts throughout my time away, asking if certain things have happened yet. 🙂

So now is the part where you go hug your Hubby and tell him that you love him despite the truth in this list! Men will be Men and Women will be Women. At the end of the day, always remember that none of this trivial stuff even really matters, and that there’s always room for growth on both sides of a marriage….For now fellas, just stop doing all the things that make us want to Punch You! 😉

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