10 Things You Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mom

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So I promised my audience that I would get back to the initial goal of this blog, which was to highlight Mom life and try to keep our sanities intact  through humorous dialogue! However, in true fashion of a Mother’s diminishing attention span and tendency to become overwhelmingly sidetracked, I fell off course a bit and needed to do some housekeeping in a few other areas of life.

Welp, Momma’s back and I’m starting the New Year off just like I ended the last: Coming for your jugular!

While I’ve only been a part of the SAHM’s club for a little over 6 months now, I’ve still seen and heard some opinions and commentary that truly leave me miffed.

One of the main annoyingly vexing speculations that I’ve run across is the idea that being a SAHM seems to equate to some as the ‘easy life’ or that we’re a sorority of self-entitled spoiled brats, who sip green tea with our pedicured toes propped up, and binge-watch OITNB episodes all day, while scoffing at our fellow 9-5ers. Not So! What I have actually learned in my own experience is that being a SAHM is actually more demanding, challenging, and sometimes surprisingly more stressful than when I actually did go to work everyday. So I sat and pondered on a couple of the most aggravating things that us SAHMs don’t want to hear come out of your face Ever Again…

  1. “You Look Tired” – My GOD this is the quickest way to get on my ish list! Nope, I’m not tired. I just started doing my make-up to reflect a zombie. It’s the new fashion statement. Dork! Of course I’m tired!! My 4 year old has the energy level of a hipster on speed, and my 1 year old refuses to take naps. I used all of my energy when I went to go pee and I’m going to use the rest of it to punch you in the face…Even outside of the context of being a Mom, this is just the most blatantly rude thing you could ever say to someone. I’m going to start responding back with nasty narration such as “Yes! I’m as tired as your current relationship…”
  2. “What Do You Do All Day?” – Ummmm, sustain human life and breathe. What do you do all day?? Just because I’m not going to a job doesn’t mean that my day serves no purpose.
  3. “OMG! I slept ALL Day and I’m SO well-rested!” – Insert the emoji guy that’s blowing steam out of his nose and then re-read number 1. If you just noticed that I was tired, and I just told you that I take naps on the toilet to get rest, then how in the Entire universe do you think that I want to hear about how wonderfully soothing it was for you to count sheep…Again, punch your Face!
  4. “You Didn’t Cook Dinner??” – Nope! Matter fact, I myself have only had time to eat a handful of cheerios that were left on the table from my kid’s breakfast. I’m not apologizing for it either. You want dinner cooked? Well, I want a wine cellar and a 24/7 live jazz band in the basement…We all have dreams here don’t we??? You better go find some milk to go with those cheerios!
  5. “Why Do You Get Up So Early” – Again, being a SAHM doesn’t equal vacation time. I have a pre-schooler that has to be in his classroom by 8:15am, and he needs at least an hour after his morning pep talk to get his life together. Then there’s the 1 year old…yeah…moving on to number 6.
  6. “Why Don’t You Ever Pick Up the Phone?” – Because your rude butt calls me Everyday during nap time!!! Do you understand that during nap time I turn into a mime in my own home?!? There is no talking, there is no walking, there is no moving around, there is no sound! Hell! If I could figure out how to stop breathing and still be alive I would! I need this kid to sleep for HOURS! You’re calling me to talk about what somebody shared on Facebook is of No importance to me right now. Even when it isn’t nap time, Mommy’s cell phone is probably being used as a launching missile in a vicious war between Captain America and Iron Man.
  7. “You Never Invite Me Over During the Day” – To do what exactly?? Kids sniff out newbies and your presence will only make them feel as if the normal routine can be shifted or ignored all together. Yes, I’m at home all day, but there’s a strict structure that has to be followed to keep the entire household on track. You can come over and play with me later after their Dad gets home.
  8. “You Haven’t Had Your Hair/Nails Done in Forever!” – Because that’s Totally my top priority now that I keep my bonnet on all day to prevent Devin from driving his trains through my fro, as well as he also seems to be fascinated with my no-chip and thinks it’s amusing to pick it off. My appearance looks just the way that I choose for it to, and when an occasion calls for otherwise, I know how to get that taken care of. My hair and nails are probably healthier than yours anyway because I’m not messing with them all the time…Lemme go sip this tea though.
  9. “How Are You Not Giving Your Husband Sex Every Night??” – Ok, first of all, I don’t give my husband sex. It’s something that we both want and enjoy on an equally loving level. Second of all, by the time I get a chance to shower at midnight once the baby goes to sleep, I’m half-dead once my head hits the pillow. Again, you think I do nothing all day but sit tight and simmer for my beau. Ha! You better research some real life!
  10. “I Wish I Could Be a Stay-at-Home Mom” (now insert a funky smirk and some rolled eyes) – Listen here, because this is the one that I detest the most. Don’t wish for what you know Not of! Furthermore, don’t throw hater shade my way because of the way that my life affords me to live. You wanna be a SAHM, then do it! You better know what you’re getting yourself into and be choosing that role for good reasons. The old saying is still very relevant here; “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Thing is, you gotta figure out how I keep mine watered first! 😉
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10 Things New Mommies Shouldn’t Apologize For – Pt.1

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It’s happened! The time has come! Your life has officially changed and there’s no looking back; you’re a New Mom!! Your emotions are a tad bit all over the place but nonetheless you are currently experiencing a level of undeniable bliss for another human being that there is no real relentlessly modest way to even sensibly express it…but now what?? Your perfectly planned and flawlessly designed life now begins to take some major twists and turns and you, to some extent, feel a little bit out of control and somewhat helplessly lonely, in your own personal cloud of cognitive dissonance. The reality of it all is that you will make it through! Believe it or not you’re gonna be ok — “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” 🙂

The annoyingly disheartening thing about this is that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand your plight, nor sympathize with some of your painstaking predicaments. Guess what Mommy….Eff Em! Let me tell you at least 10 things that you most positively and unequivocally should Not apologize for as a new Mom!!!

  1. Your Weight Gain or Lack of Weight Loss – Numero uno, thee most annoying thing anyone in their ever-loving mind can do is mention a woman’s post-pregnant weight. Just find something else to talk about. Period. Here’s the thing, we have already sat in the hospital and then in our homes, and then stood in our bathroom mirrors looking at this new body and then sucking in trying to figure out what in the hell we used to look like. We’ve seen ourselves naked and with clothes on, so your rude unwarranted comments about how our stomachs are “kinda going back down” only make us cringe and want to head butt you. We don’t need you to state the obvious or tell us what we looked like in college, and remind us how small our waists were, or how firm and perky our boobs were, or how many more chins we have now, or that our butts got bigger/wider/smaller, or how “that baby has really made you spread” *insert stale face emoji*. You just created, grew, and then spew forth life to an entire human being. Whatever the hell your body has done, you should not be ashamed of!
  2. Your Choice Not to Nurse – I need all of the Grandmas, Aunties, Breast Feeding Nazis, Facebook Fan Groups, and the like, to mind your darn business!! While I breast-fed with both of my children and will scream its wondrous benefits to the moon, I also understand that it is not for everyone. It is also not easy. It can be mentally traumatic, physically unrelenting, and cause feelings of overall failure if your experience doesn’t go well. I thank God for an angel disguised as an amazing lactation consultant nurse who got right into these sore swollen boobies and showed me how to more effectively latch my youngest son! Then some mothers just do not have the time or energy to nurse. You’re up every other hour at night, and when you return to work, you better hope you’re lucky enough to have your own office because you’re pumping every time you even think about your baby! Again, I personally believe that breast milk is the best milk and think one should at least try before they completely rule it out. Don’t stress yourself though. If you cannot or do not want to do it, don’t. Don’t apologize for it either!
  3. Not Being Ready For Intercourse Yet – This can be a biggie! Especially those of us who are married and in committed relationships so you’re probably sleeping with this man every night. The doctor said six weeks and you’re knocking on about twelve.  He is getting antsy and annoyed and you barely even have the attention span or time to notice. Well guess what MAN…She probably smells like breast milk, drool, an onion, leftover poop, and dirty hair because she gets a shower when she can and doing a wash, deep condition, and blow out with your favorite smelling conditioner just hasn’t been on her list of priorities lately. By the time she pathetically climbs into the bed, she is out quicker than a patient who gets anesthesia before a surgery. Needless to say, sex is the furthest thing from her mind right now. She loves you dearly and yearns for you also, but give her a little time and a weekend where your Mom has the kids and she can focus! She will get it together soon enough but she should not apologize for right now!
  4. Being Tired – This one is obvious and too easy. New Moms are freakin’ TIRED!!! Do you understand what the human body has just gone through, and now there’s a little human desperately staring at you for every ounce of their survival 24/7??? Don’t tell a new Mom that she looks tired. Don’t tell a new Mom that she doesn’t have a reason to be tired because she has a husband. Don’t downplay her tiredness just because you can’t comprehend it. Matter of fact, unless you’re willing to come over and watch the baby so she can sleep for 8-12 hours straight, don’t even talk!
  5. Becoming a New Person – I always sit back and wait for this one when I have friends or others that I know who are about to have their first child. These are usually the people who unfairly judged you when you had your first child and had a whole arsenal of smart ish to say about your new choices and way of living. Your priorities have changed and for good reasoning, but a lot of people won’t get that. Even being pregnant, you have no idea what your mind-set is about to evolve into. You no longer care about clubbing until 4am, making reckless choices with your health/overall life, pointless drama, drinking until you forget your last name, or what color your nails will be the next week. You’ve become an avid member of Mommy blogs and now subscribe to Parent magazine. Finding some good life insurance and researching the best daycare and pre-schools become your past time. You start to disconnect from busy body toxic friends that serve no purpose in the person who you need to ultimately be right now. Taking shots has transitioned into slowly sipping a good Malbec once you get the baby asleep at night. You forgot what nail polish even smells like, and are lucky to rip off that hang nail before it rips your child’s face open while giving him a bath. Things just aren’t the same anymore.

Your life has changed Momma. You owe No One an explanation…and you don’t need to apologize for that!

Prozac and Pinot Grigio

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It’s an age-old taboo. An unspoken past time. The elephant in the room that everybody pretends as if they can’t see. We joke about it, frown our noses up regarding it, make mean judgmental snooty remarks, and don’t even realize the amount of us that are really out there…Medicated Wine-Controlled Mommies. Let’s get a bit real here. The average stay-at-home Mom is currently stirring up her special coffee-concoction during nap time, and hoping no one bothers her for at least an hour. We can put up fronts and play nice, but let’s always remember those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!

About four or five months ago I was prescribed the pretty popular little miracle pill called Prozac. My husband was tired of being yelled at for the telephone bill being paid a day late, my employees didn’t talk to me until after 10am every morning, my 3yr old had begun mimicking me and regularly yelling as his way of getting people’s attention, and anytime someone brought up something I didn’t want to hear I’d annihilate their lives and make them wish that they were never born. My doctor thought I might have a bit of anxiety 😛

Now, I’ve always been a pretty transparent person firstly because I’ve never truly cared what others thought, and secondly, because you never know when your story might help someone! I always encourage people to get it out before it explodes and takes over from within. Stress is serious and nobody really wants to talk about it. Especially Black women. We seem to think that the more unimportant self-righteous crap that we can add to our daily agendas will make us seem perfect, untouchable, and ultimately as if we can save the World. Well guess what?? We can’t! We have to start saving our sanity!

I’m no glorified pill popper, but I must say that my mood altering chemical imbalance has shifted back to the ‘safe zone’ since the start of my remarkable little blue and white buddies. Do I depend on them? Nah, but I now have a clear enough perspective to more reasonably and rationally work things out without a four-alarm fire ensuing. I say all of this to let my fellow Mommies know that when and if you need help, Get It, and Fast! You cannot live up to a stereotype or be stigmatized if you don’t actually subscribe to the terms of such. You can however become a vicious Medusa head Mommy who doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going, and two minutes from a complete mentally-shattering emotional meltdown.

Now there’s the wine…Let me say this and then we aren’t even going to have to address it anymore ladies. I, Patrice Robinson, will NOT now, nor ever, apologize for my wine consumption! I am a grown Ass woman who often needs a chill down period that a cup of tea just won’t do justice for. We as women have to stop being sorry for how we feel and the things that we need and want to do! A glass of wine here and there never hurt anybody, and three glasses more will guarantee that you’re too damn sleepy to care about any of those people anyway! 😀 I’m not saying become an alcoholic where you cannot function to properly care for your children, yourself, or your husband. You better find your outlet though, and you better utilize it as often as needed. So go join a wine club, chat up the wine enthusiast in the ‘Wine & Spirits’ section of your local grocer, find out what your palate prefers, buy some good wine glasses, and become the lush that you long to be! Don’t be sorry or feel guilty for any of this either, because the next time Little Joe Joe drives his truck up your newly painted walls, you’ll thank me!

Seriously though, we as women have to start owning our mental health, stability, and overall quality of life. Of course all joking aside, this post isn’t to promote the abuse of any controlled substance or prescribed medication (and you probably shouldn’t take the two together). I instead want you to gain a little insight and know that you’re not alone. Us Mommies do A LOT, and we don’t always know when it’s time to take care of ourselves. Maybe you need to eat healthier or maybe you need to incorporate a new exercise regimen. Me? I’m sticking with my good ole P & P! 🙂

Why My 1 Year Old Isn’t Having a Birthday Party

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Next week on October 9, Devin will turn 1!!! 😀  I think all Mommies pretty much feel the same way about celebrating our babies’ milestones in life. We want pictures, tutus, themes, the biggest darn personalized character cake we can find, super heroes, the most quintessential party favor bags…a ferris wheel built in the backyard, a hot air balloon, and nothing short of a miniature Disneyland production to complete this wonderful occasion. The problem here is that we often want all of this excessive ‘extraness’ for tiny human beings who wear bibs as outfits, eat lint balls off of the floor, deem a paci as his most prized possession, and likes to play in the toilet! You see where I’m going here?

For my first child we did it up big for his first big day! Elmo was his BFF, I was a first-time Mom, and his birthday is smack dab in the middle of the Summer. We hooked up with some friends, got together a theme and guest list, found the decorations online, bought a gazillion Sesame Street themed cupcakes and a cake, purchased about $300 worth of food, another two or so of alcohol, got he and Daddy matching outfits, and took off work early to make sure this superstar shindig was executed smoothly. Then reality happened…DJ could care less about the food because he was still drinking Enfamil with rice cereal in it for meals, it was too hot for his outfit so he spent the duration of his party in a diaper, he took half of the decorations and ripped them to shreds because the sound of paper tearing entertained him more than his gifts, he was more terrified than excited of Cookie Monster’s face on his cake and wanted nothing to do with the whole thing. Last but not least, he was asleep 30 minutes into the party and retreated to bed for the remainder of his extravaganza! The adults partied until 4am, had a ball, ate all of the food, cleaned up the leftover mess, and DJ will never remember Any of it!

This time around will be different. Although we understand the premise of making memories, I have come to the conclusion at this point in motherhood that half of what we do for our children is a reflection of ourselves and the things that We want! DJ didn’t want all of that stuff above. I did. DJ doesn’t necessarily need the Polaroid shot of him poking his little finger into a cupcake. I do. Why?? Because he will always be my baby! Some parents tend to go overboard because they want to give their children something that they did not have or experience in childhood, and that’s fine too! I just wanted to be obnoxious and throw a big bash!

I think the most important thing that we have to remember about our children is that they need LOVE! Especially in the infant/toddler stages. Not stuff! I can see that Devin gets pure joy out of just sitting on Mommy and playing patty cake. He giggles at his Daddy when he puts his big arms around him and snuggles into his little face. His world lights up when he hears his big brother’s voice, and he shows all six of his little teeth whenever he sees his Granny. A party is not needed to achieve theses moments.

So this coming Friday won’t be spent on the effort of the event, but on the meaning of the day and appreciation for the child. I will probably find him a onesie that says something about turning 1. I will most definitely take pictures of him as he goes about his busy little day as an official 1 yr old, and his brother will absolutely want to bake him a cake so that He can eat it 🙂  …But most importantly, we will Love on him all day as a family. And that’s more priceless than any birthday party!

6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…

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I was trying to figure out which blog this topic should go under, and decided that it fell more so into the “parental/family” category, so here goes!

Over the past weekend, we unfortunately missed at least two pretty important celebrations of life events for some of our closest friends (and Thankfully they are the type of people who understood the reasoning for our absence, and they’re ok…Everybody isn’t though). These were occasions that we were actually invited to, RSVPd for, and expected to attend. Then a little thing called LIFE happened, and our fun-filled weekend was replaced with a killer sinus headache, an exhausted Mommy, a sneezing/stuffy Daddy, trying to get a car battery replaced, a coloring book marathon with my 4-year old, and a massive poop explosion from the 11-month old tyrant! So…in all things typical of a writer, I decided to turn this experience into a special FYI for the world to be informed about. It is necessary and we’re probably not the only family that needs to share this “heart-felt” disclaimer! 😉

Here it is! 6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…

  1. We have KIDS!!! I know. I know. This one is too easy and a lot of people are tired of hearing it. However, I feel like most Need to! Especially those who do Not have kids. While we still love you, we also need you to know that you have NO idea the strange ish that randomly occurs in a household with children. A temperature that’s 2 degrees over the norm, or a baby whining because of a missed nap can drastically curve Mommy and Daddy’s care about meeting up for drinks and chatter!
  2. We are TIRED!!! Like, not normal tired. The type of unbearable exhaustion where you fall asleep on the toilet and sneakily nod off while your child is reading “Corduroy” to you for the 678,467th time today!! Please understand that all of that Great intention we had to make it to your housewarming just got flushed down the toilet as Soon as we sat down in one spot!
  3. We DON’T HAVE A BABYSITTER!!! Contrary to popular belief and practices, there are seriously only like two people in the Entire Universe, outside of ourselves, that we will allow to keep our children! Yes, we continuously crack jokes about how people can “come and get them” but ummmm, not so much! If those two individuals aren’t available, we will All stay at home! Period. There is NO outing serious enough to hound somebody to watch our children, or sacrifice their safety Just to say we attended the hottest night out of the year. Fail! That’s why we both went to college and had a whole lot of fun and got that all out of our systems! We don’t feel guilty or as if we’re missing out on anything. Sorry, but Not sorry.
  4. If ONE of us can’t attend, nine times out of ten NEITHER of us will attend!!! This is a hard one for people to understand, and we’ve lost friendships over the concept. We are Married. We are not pals, boyfriend & girlfriend, or side buddies. We are a union. A team. We make our appearances together in the situations that call for it. This isn’t really negotiable. If hubby is sick and shut in, so am I, and vice-versa. Of course this doesn’t apply to the token Girl’s or Guy’s Night Out. We respect each other’s individualized socialization. I’m referring to the things we are Both hoped to be in attendance for. This also applies to situations where one spouse may think/know that the crowd at a certain event is questionable. Again, nothing personal against You, but we choose not to put ourselves in awkward or obviously drama-filled situations when we don’t have to!
  5. We actually DO have a FINANCIAL BUDGET and PRIORITIES!!! Not to rain on the parade of your $100/meal dinner party, but this week’s automatic tuition debiting from the Chase account, and the Costco diaper/wipe stock-up will probably hold a higher level of importance for us. I can cook you a fabulous meal, serve you a wonderful glass of wine, play some classic jazz tunes, and indulge you in the ambiance of my Own darn home! All for under $200. We still Love You though! 🙂
  6. WE JUST DON’T WANT TO GO!!! Yep, it sounds rude as hell, a bit pretentious, and will probably cause our invites to dwindle in the near future, but it’s Honest. The very few times that we actually get alone, we just want to enjoy each other! We still DO enjoy each other and we aren’t going to apologize for that. Sometimes we even just want to be left alone as a family with our boys and just relax.

Now all of this isn’t to say that we don’t like you, are trying to purposely be douche bags, or ‘unsupportive’. But we are humans! We want people to Overstand that. We love and appreciate all of friends and family, but guess what?? WE come First…and we Don’t want you to take that personal!

When You Realize They’re Truly YOUR Kids…

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Every day we sit back and observe our little ones grow, mature, form personalities, and began to form specific interests. While most of the time we smile at the little antics that come forth with our kids, other times we have to flat out shake our heads. DJ is turning into a stubborn, slick-mouthed risk taker who Never takes No for an answer, but is quite smart, compassionate and loving (much like his Father). Then there’s Devin. At 10 months old, you can look at him and see right into my soul, lol. He’s a feisty and bossy little busy-body aggressive person, that likes to fight, fuss, and talk back. He also isn’t too privy to doing whatever it is that you told him to do. My babies!

Your parents always tell you that they can’t wait until you have children of your own, so you will get to experience the pain that you put them through. I now Completely understand this concept! The next time that I ask DJ to perform a task and he responds with “Pardon Me Mommy?? What are you trying to say?”, I’m going to hide all of his action figures and tell him that they went to live with another family! What 4yr old says Pardon Me??? Well, one who’s mother is a certified grammar nazi and used to proofread essays in college as a work-study job. My fault :-/  I guess I would rather him speak intellectually than spit out a host of “finna/boutas” I just wish he wouldn’t check the hell outta Me! Then it’s the fact that he greets each parental re-direction as an opportunity to debate and argue his case while on trial. Mr. Robinson, Sr. you say??… Devin probably has like three more times to punch me closed fist in the face and then annoyingly grunt at me as if he’s going to Completely kick my ass the next time I upset him. He’s kinda bi-polar (and I use that term very lightly, as I would never disrespect anyone with a legit mental illness. My career was in mental health. I love y’all! 🙂 My baby is a mixture of a refreshingly sweet and comforting, loving little heart, with a taste of short-tempered non-tolerance, and the boldness to lash out aggresively Fast when he is not happy or in a situation that makes him uncomfortable. Hey Mommy! 😛

I try to always remember that our children will always be a reflection of us and model what we do, however some traits they will automatically inherit no matter what. Those are probably the things that will frustrate us the most and truly cause us to stop and look at the bigger picture. Who do we want our children to be and why? Who do We want to be and why? I have become more mindful of my actions since I’ve become a parent, but my little devil comes out quite often. It’s quite natural though, and nothing that I’m going to lose sleep over. I am one of those parents who will have open dialogue with my kids about how much our shit stinks and what we might need to do to fix it!

For now, embrace your little mini-mes and Thank God you have been given the blessing to be able to see yourself manifested through the creation of life that you made with another person. I’m gonna love on mine every chance I get! I’m still shaking my head though…

As you can see in the above pic, I caught mine terrorizing my Wine Club box. If you know me at All, then you know that These Are Defintely MY Kids!!!! 😀

Mommy Loves Target and So Do We!!!!

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Every mother’s BIGGEST venture!! Going to the store with the kiddos. This can be Really cool and productive, or it can be a Complete nightmare! I think the best thing is to always keep it fun no matter what and always remember your patience, that you love your children, and how to push a cart while counting to ten 😀

So everyone that knows me, knows the fact that I absolutely and with everything inside of me LOVE Target! I am one of those women who run in for some Febreeze and a birthday card and come out with $100 worth of candles, the latest Ninja Turtle toy, tons of pointless crap from the dollar section, and an entire new bedroom set! Eeeeeek! Unfortunately, there is no stopping this madness even when I have the boys with me. We still must tackle the big red circle!

So here’s my scene…pull up to a parking space while sternly giving the infamous “don’t touch ish! don’t ask for ish! and if you get loud in this store and embarrass me, I will personally make sure that Captain America runs away from home tonight!” speech. (yes, I threaten my 4 yr old. You haven’t met him in real life). Of course he sincerely assures me of his intentions on ‘being a good boy’ during our trip, but my innate Mommy senses know better. He’s a professional midget manipulator but I love him anyway, and have learned how to play his game. The 10 month old is eating his toes in the back of the car, and I’m putting in a special prayer that he waits until we get home to have his Holy Shit poop. I’m not a super clean freak, but something about those diaper changing stations just ain’t right! Even with the three blankets and sterile protective liner I use under his little booty.

We’re entering Target and the Midget Manipulator has already forgotten about our previous agreement less than five minutes ago and immediately lunges for an oversized red crayon bank in the dollar section. I immediately scold him, making him put it back. So what it’s only two dollars and this is where his Momma usually spends 1/4 of her Target budget. He doesn’t know that, and it’s all about the Principle :). We head straight to the baby aisle as our mission is to get Nursery water, cereal, items for lunch, and toilet tissue…wish me luck! We do pretty well in the baby aisle until the 10 month old discovers that he knows how to climb completely out of his seat and arbitrarily throw shit at his brother in the back of the cart. I can’t actually strap him in because he’s a pretty chunky baby (sad face). The Midget Manipulator now has his FALL, 6-12 month sized jacket, that he refused to leave home, pulled over his head in protest of not being able to have that red crayon. The 10 month old thinks this is funny and starts yelling…I’m speeding towards the toilet tissue.

We successfully make it to the cash wrap with all desired items, two kids, my car keys, my purse, and two kids. This is Great! Then some nosey know-it-all lady with a press ‘n’ go gets her panties in a bunch because the 10 month old is standing in the cart taking gum off of the counter. I politely tell her that he’s fine and he’s a baby, and start placing the gum back in its designated slot. The Midget Manipulator then tells me that the lady shouldn’t be talking to his baby brother Devin. His says this loudly. He keeps repeating it. Her face frowns up. I smirk back. I don’t even tell him to be quiet. At this point, we’ve made it to the home stretch with no strikes, and she’s just going to have to get over herself today.

I pay our for our items and we’re back out the door in less than thirty minutes, under $100, and the 10 month old isn’t smelly yet!! I rejoice and be glad 🙂 …and then the Midget Manipulator informs me in the car that he “didn’t mean to have that crayon that’s in my pocket Mommy”  0_0

I turn around and see the oversized red crayon, and simultaneously hear a Loud poot….There goes the successful Target Trip!