10 Things New Mommies Shouldn’t Apologize For – Pt.1

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It’s happened! The time has come! Your life has officially changed and there’s no looking back; you’re a New Mom!! Your emotions are a tad bit all over the place but nonetheless you are currently experiencing a level of undeniable bliss for another human being that there is no real relentlessly modest way to even sensibly express it…but now what?? Your perfectly planned and flawlessly designed life now begins to take some major twists and turns and you, to some extent, feel a little bit out of control and somewhat helplessly lonely, in your own personal cloud of cognitive dissonance. The reality of it all is that you will make it through! Believe it or not you’re gonna be ok — “You is smart. You is kind. You is important.” 🙂

The annoyingly disheartening thing about this is that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand your plight, nor sympathize with some of your painstaking predicaments. Guess what Mommy….Eff Em! Let me tell you at least 10 things that you most positively and unequivocally should Not apologize for as a new Mom!!!

  1. Your Weight Gain or Lack of Weight Loss – Numero uno, thee most annoying thing anyone in their ever-loving mind can do is mention a woman’s post-pregnant weight. Just find something else to talk about. Period. Here’s the thing, we have already sat in the hospital and then in our homes, and then stood in our bathroom mirrors looking at this new body and then sucking in trying to figure out what in the hell we used to look like. We’ve seen ourselves naked and with clothes on, so your rude unwarranted comments about how our stomachs are “kinda going back down” only make us cringe and want to head butt you. We don’t need you to state the obvious or tell us what we looked like in college, and remind us how small our waists were, or how firm and perky our boobs were, or how many more chins we have now, or that our butts got bigger/wider/smaller, or how “that baby has really made you spread” *insert stale face emoji*. You just created, grew, and then spew forth life to an entire human being. Whatever the hell your body has done, you should not be ashamed of!
  2. Your Choice Not to Nurse – I need all of the Grandmas, Aunties, Breast Feeding Nazis, Facebook Fan Groups, and the like, to mind your darn business!! While I breast-fed with both of my children and will scream its wondrous benefits to the moon, I also understand that it is not for everyone. It is also not easy. It can be mentally traumatic, physically unrelenting, and cause feelings of overall failure if your experience doesn’t go well. I thank God for an angel disguised as an amazing lactation consultant nurse who got right into these sore swollen boobies and showed me how to more effectively latch my youngest son! Then some mothers just do not have the time or energy to nurse. You’re up every other hour at night, and when you return to work, you better hope you’re lucky enough to have your own office because you’re pumping every time you even think about your baby! Again, I personally believe that breast milk is the best milk and think one should at least try before they completely rule it out. Don’t stress yourself though. If you cannot or do not want to do it, don’t. Don’t apologize for it either!
  3. Not Being Ready For Intercourse Yet – This can be a biggie! Especially those of us who are married and in committed relationships so you’re probably sleeping with this man every night. The doctor said six weeks and you’re knocking on about twelve.  He is getting antsy and annoyed and you barely even have the attention span or time to notice. Well guess what MAN…She probably smells like breast milk, drool, an onion, leftover poop, and dirty hair because she gets a shower when she can and doing a wash, deep condition, and blow out with your favorite smelling conditioner just hasn’t been on her list of priorities lately. By the time she pathetically climbs into the bed, she is out quicker than a patient who gets anesthesia before a surgery. Needless to say, sex is the furthest thing from her mind right now. She loves you dearly and yearns for you also, but give her a little time and a weekend where your Mom has the kids and she can focus! She will get it together soon enough but she should not apologize for right now!
  4. Being Tired – This one is obvious and too easy. New Moms are freakin’ TIRED!!! Do you understand what the human body has just gone through, and now there’s a little human desperately staring at you for every ounce of their survival 24/7??? Don’t tell a new Mom that she looks tired. Don’t tell a new Mom that she doesn’t have a reason to be tired because she has a husband. Don’t downplay her tiredness just because you can’t comprehend it. Matter of fact, unless you’re willing to come over and watch the baby so she can sleep for 8-12 hours straight, don’t even talk!
  5. Becoming a New Person – I always sit back and wait for this one when I have friends or others that I know who are about to have their first child. These are usually the people who unfairly judged you when you had your first child and had a whole arsenal of smart ish to say about your new choices and way of living. Your priorities have changed and for good reasoning, but a lot of people won’t get that. Even being pregnant, you have no idea what your mind-set is about to evolve into. You no longer care about clubbing until 4am, making reckless choices with your health/overall life, pointless drama, drinking until you forget your last name, or what color your nails will be the next week. You’ve become an avid member of Mommy blogs and now subscribe to Parent magazine. Finding some good life insurance and researching the best daycare and pre-schools become your past time. You start to disconnect from busy body toxic friends that serve no purpose in the person who you need to ultimately be right now. Taking shots has transitioned into slowly sipping a good Malbec once you get the baby asleep at night. You forgot what nail polish even smells like, and are lucky to rip off that hang nail before it rips your child’s face open while giving him a bath. Things just aren’t the same anymore.

Your life has changed Momma. You owe No One an explanation…and you don’t need to apologize for that!

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DJ & Devin’s Response to All the Critics…

meandmyboys

Hi! So we’ve heard about all of the controversy over Mommy’s recent blog post “6 Reasons My Husband and I Probably Won’t Make Your Event, and Why We Don’t Want You to Take it Personal…”, and we wanted to sound off on some of the responses. We promise not to take up much of your time because we know everyone is busy, plus we have to get back to playing with Mommy & Daddy! We Love our parents and it would only be right to defend them. Please keep in mind though that we’re only 11 months and 4 years old, so harsh comments might be a bit inappropriate and unnecessary towards us 😦

So here’s why we think you’re mad at Mommy & Daddy, and why we’ll always defend their honor…

  • A lot of people are REALLY upset about Mommy’s mention of RSVPing to two events and not being able to attend. Mommy & Daddy did Not just flake on their friends! BOTH parties were notified of the last-minute absence and given sincere apology as to why they couldn’t attend. Mommy even has a very nice baby gift for her expecting friend who’s shower she couldn’t attend!
  • Mommy didn’t write her post to offend single moms, childless women, or those that are not married. My brother and I aren’t all that good at reading yet, but I don’t think her post pointed any particular group out. She was speaking to whomever needed to receive it. If you became offended, it might be because Mommy touched an unspoken nerve on your Own behalf! Don’t be mean to my Mommy though! 😦
  • WHY WHY WHY are you all wishing divorce on our Mommy & Daddy?? You guys don’t get to see or be around them and realize just how much they love each other! It’s a very positive image for my brother and I to observe because it will teach us how to love our spouses when we grow up! Mommy isn’t co-dependent on Daddy. Daddy loves Mommy to death and is always by her side! She knows she can depend on him for anything and he knows she always has his back! We think it’s pretty cool!!  🙂
  • Contrary to what most assumed, Mommy & Daddy didn’t have an actual wedding, or bridal shower, or any of that other stuff you guys brought up. They had a really small ceremony composed of those they care for and who care for them. We also know our parents personally, and they don’t get their feathers ruffled by much. So not being able to attend an event they planned wouldn’t ruin their lives. They’d understand it and get over it. They realize that life doesn’t always work out the way you intend it to! 😉
  • My Mommy & Daddy actually DO have social lives, with each other and separately with their own respective friends. They’ve attended lots of weddings, baby showers, house-warmings, and birthday parties! Sometimes we don’t even wanna go but they make us! Obviously those were times when all the planets aligned perfectly in the Universe, and they were effortlessly able to attend.
  • My Mommy & Daddy have A LOT on their plates and they don’t complain about it.  They make humor out of it, which eases the load for us too. We don’t ever see our parents arguing or fighting or stressed out! Most of what they do, or do not do, is all for the benefit of us, so that our future is secure and bright!! My Mommy recently quit her full-time job as a Director to stay at home with us and make sure the house was running smoothly and that Daddy was also being taken care of. She makes sure that I (DJ) gets to and from school everyday (Pre-K is a pretty big deal! :-D), and she tends to my baby brother while I’m at school. She makes time to go on field trips with me and always makes sure I have a yummy healthy lunch made daily, plus lots of other cool stuff that takes a lot of dedication and time on her part. Whenever I have a “bright yellow day” at school, Mommy takes me to Starbucks for my favorite white milk shake! :)…My Daddy makes sure my uniform is pressed and fresh daily, and shows me how to tie my shoes and put on my tie like a big boy! He even takes us to the park and for walks when Mommy needs some alone time. My parents even have their own outside businesses and commitments that they make to the community. While my Daddy works full-time at a school, he also does Uber on weekends, and is the host of a popular Podcast, I94, with his good friends! How cool! My Mommy owns her own business and has her own hair product line that will actually soon be in stores. I’ve watched her sit at the kitchen table and make each bottle one by one, and then we go to the post office to ship them out! That’s pretty awesome to me and shows me an entrepreneurial spirit early on! You guys should check out her site at http://www.BeNaturallyHappy.com to see just how much more she does! Maybe even buy her product if you support her! She’s also got a well-followed Fan Page for her company on Facebook, at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Naturally-Happy/1570847059843108
  • Some of you guy’s scrutinized my Mommy’s grammar and writing style, but she’s actually a pretty Great and accomplished writer! Maybe you guys should go read her two published articles on Ebony.com and GoodHairMag.com: http://www.ebony.com/life/birth-after-loss-503#.VXllyku9L7o and http://www.goodhairmag.com/good-hair-featured-beauty-patrice/  🙂
  • Mommy & Daddy appreciate their friends. We’ve got A LOT of really cool “aunts and uncles” that we get to see all of the time, and they understand our busy lives, but still Love us! Mommy & Daddy have always taught us to hold on to nothing that doesn’t want to hold on to us! So if someone doesn’t want to be apart of Mommy and Daddy’s lives for whatever reason, they don’t sweat it, and neither will we! Those who want to be here aren’t going anywhere. Besides, they will always still have plenty that DO support them and us!

Well, we have to go now because it’s almost our bedtime, Mommy still has to read me a story and make my brother’s bottle, and Daddy promised to play hide ‘n’ seek with me after my bath. I hope we cleared up some stuff for you guys here, but if not, our family still has no hard feelings towards you! Like I tell my Mommy all the time, “DJ Loves ALL the people, and ALL the people Love DJ!” 😉