Why THIS Wife Isn’t Team Angie!

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Disclaimer: If you have yet to watch the latest episode of Power or don’t watch it at all, you should probably just click out of this now because you won’t “feel” my pain or understand anything that I’m preaching about.

 

As I sat on my couch one morning this week going over bank accounts, balancing the checking, savings, and bills, walking my husband through otherwise intelligible tasks, ordering my son’s school uniform, and then figuring out what I would use to create magic and invent a well-balanced nutritional breakfast for my children, I began to think about just how much wives do for their families, and began to ponder on this past week’s episode of Power. I immediately got a knot in my stomach and wanted to punch somebody.

Here’s the thing, while we all absolutely love and go bat shit crazy for this show; with its electrifying plots, rough neck urban-chic gangster vibe, and thrilling twists and turns, we continually allow the red flag to go over our heads that in the interim of this scintillating entertainment, there is a family being destroyed and a marriage being diabolically disrespected.

A lot of people like to separate Ghost vs. James St. Patrick and give some brilliant bullshit synopsis of why Jamie turned to Angie, and how Ghost was exhausted from his street life, leading him to turn away from his Wife. Fail! It’s this little thing called personal responsibility and accountability. You not being happy with your marriage/relationship is one thing. You not being happy with yourSELF and the alter ego You chose to create is another. At what point do you become a man and start being honest about your mess? He can cry that river all he wants to, build a boat, then float off to sea and get the f*ck outta my face with that BS! (Please pardon my language but we’re talking Love & War here)  I’m not buying into the melodramatics nor am I here for any parts of Jamie and Angie’s dysfunctionally absurd relationship.

This Wife isn’t Team Angie and let me tell you why…

  • Death to Side Chicks – Let me just go ahead and get this out now so y’all can be mad at me and then get over it. I don’t do side chicks. I don’t condone the practice, you, or your ministry; and nope I am not talking about girlfriend/boyfriend relationships. I am speaking in terms of marriage. Dating a married man. A man who you know is married. A man who you know is legally, emotionally, financially, psychologically, and otherwise tied to another whole woman. A man that is not yours. Before you tell me that I’m rude and judgmental, know that I am also very transparent. Have I dated somebody else’s boyfriend?? Of course I have! I was like 23, in college, still paying my rent with refund checks, and drinking Mad Dog 20/20. He didn’t own a nightclub, live in a penthouse suite, and have three children and a wife either. There was no broken homes, joint bank accounts, traumatized offspring, alimony, private-school tuition, or mortgages to think about. You get my drift?? I won’t now, nor will I ever, have an ounce of care and respect for a woman who thinks she can find her life and happiness in someone else’s man. Those of you who didn’t know he was married, bless your hearts and we’ll counsel you at a later time. For that other pathetic half, know that I have a coke, a smile, and my .22 waiting on you if you think for half a minute that my Mr is about to become apart of your happy ending.
  • Ain’t Nothing Better Than P*ssy, Except New P*ssy – I’m a married woman but I ain’t stupid! We have heard this line several times, and several men will attest to this notion. This also very heavily proves my point. Boo Boo Kitty was some new stuff, with a bonus of being someone whom he previously knew and seemingly trusted (sex-wise at least). We’re talking about a man who otherwise probably didn’t have time to find something random to be running up in besides his wife. Then here presents this perfectly packaged punanny, wrapped in an unadulterated clueless blast of infidelity called Angie. Not only do you get to explore a new womanly aura, you get to do so in lavish hotel suites, without kids in the next room, and under the guise that you all will live happily ever after in blasé bliss.
  • The Woman That Knows Nothing & Asks No Questions Isn’t the Real MVP – Every married man has that one gripe with us wives. We want and need to know what the hell is going on, and we will stay on your ass until we are given the information that is needed. We are the ones that won’t let you keep secrets, hide significant portions of your life, tell us any ole thing, or sell us a damn dream. We fill out the important paperwork you don’t wanna be bothered with, make sure the presentations are sent to your boss on time, know the lawyer and the best friend and how to get in contact with them when shit goes down, and run interference on all of your business matters to make sure things run smoothly.  You damn right we aren’t going to be the easy breezy, goofball knucklehead that lets you get away with murder!! Angie banged Jamie for almost two full seasons before she even knew his real identity and that she was in bed with the same person she was trying to take down. You do the math on that one. I digress…
  • You Don’t Get to Live Happily Ever After With What I’ve Built Up – This is a serious one here! Ma’am, I have endured years of bad credit, financial instability, riding in a hoopty, eating Ramen noodles, smashing in random places, and loving unconditionally for you to come swoop up the upgraded, new model of all my dirt, sweat and tears!! He wasn’t always “Ghost” and didn’t become such by himself! If we choose to remember the whole story on Ms. Valdez and Mr. St. Patrick, we’ll remember that she supposedly up and left homeboy when ish got rough for him, and she got access to better opportunities for her life. His Wife is who was down with him from the bottom and helped him to build that empire. His Wife is who attends the monthly meetings at the bank, reviews their legit finances, signs off on the accounts, runs his home, raises his children, attends pertinent business outings as his partner, knows the major players in both businesses and how to run them, makes sure the dirty money is cleaned and the dropped bodies are never discovered, and will do whatever is necessary when the necessary occurs…You don’t get to walk away from the person who has held your raggedy butt down before you became the powerhouse that you are. She also doesn’t get to reap the benefits of what I’ve worked for without having to get her hands dirty! Relationships based in rainbows and purple moons don’t last. Hence the fact that Ghost and James St. Patrick had to leave Angela Valdez alone and take both of their asses back home!
  • Our Children Don’t Deserve the Messy Outcome – One of the biggest disturbances of a broken family is the effect it has on the kids. No one seems to think about this when we’re sneaking on a vacation with that outside person, or telling them how much we love and adore them and are willing to leave our spouses for them. You see, our children actually get it the worst because nine times out of ten they never saw it coming and are given this outrageously horrifying news at a point where all decisions have been made and the damage is already done. They have no say so and feel powerless, unloved, and unimportant. All that Ghost’s kids got to see was a new woman who wasn’t Mommy, whom Daddy had moved on with, and that they now had to pretend they liked. That’s not fair and you won’t put my kids through it for a fantasy land affair! I didn’t birth three of your children to split them in three parts with another completely aloof undeserving person who doesn’t honor that stature.

When it’s all said and done, there will be several sides and points of view for this scenario. There are women who have been on both sides of the spectrum, and those who haven’t. There will be some that have an opposing outlook to mine, and that’s just fine. I came here today, however, to tell you why THIS wife just ain’t for it!!!

 

 

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Dear Men…7 Things We Really Want On Valentine’s Day Instead of a Gift

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It’s February 1st. This morning at 5am every man in a committed serious relationship woke up in a cold sweat with a migraine. Why? Because in exactly two weeks, they’re expected to reveal the most immensely romantic representation of undying Love, to the Queens in their lives. Some men effortlessly achieve this each year with little to no worries. However, most men are sitting at their desks right now, have already given up, and are desperately trying to remember what size bra and panties she wears, so his Vicky’s Secret go-to sales girl can hook him up.

Well, I’m here to help you this year fellas. Contrary to popular belief, while presents and extravagant tokens of affection are all well and good for your spoiled bougie boo, there’s also some other stuff she needs from you that money just can’t buy. When you get all of these items in line, sometimes we could actually care less about a gift…

  1. Your Time – Sure, you called Paris and had them overnight the new exclusive pair of nude Louboutins directly to her job, complete with five long stemmed red roses to signify each year that you’ve spent Valentine’s Day together; buuuut she hasn’t actually seen you all day, or even this week for that matter! Yes, while we most certainly understand that hard work obviously has to be implemented in order for you to provide us nice things, we also need you to understand that your presence means the World to us. All of the trinkets in the Universe can’t comfort a lonely woman. You better make time for what’s Really important!!
  2. Your Undivided Attention – Ok, you’re spending the time with her, but you’re attention is completely somewhere else. You’ve either got a phone glued to your face, ear buds in your ears, or you’re deeply enthralled in either some sort of television program or a ridiculously distracting guy text messaging convo on your cell. This has to stop fellas. If I have to repeat myself more than two times because your concentration is tied up elsewhere, chances are I don’t even want to talk to you anymore and now I’m completely thrown into an annoyed funk. Again, find better times to engage in certain things where your mate won’t feel neglected. OR, just always remember that you don’t have to show her any attention because there are thousands of hungry man-vultures right outside of your front door that will shower her with all the attention she needs…
  3. Your Effort – Women are considerably more simple than you think. We’re more wrapped up in thought, emotion, and significance. We can also tell when zero effort was considered, and absolutely despise when you don’t believe that effort is needed at all. So you’re tight on cash this month? No worries. Make her a nice thoughtful card, write her letter, or set the bedroom mood with items from your home and pamper her that evening. Cook a meal if she’s always the one who prepares them. Take the initiative to find a sitter for the kids so you two can just relax alone. Make her a cute lunch. Make a loving funny video and send it to her during her most stressful time of the day, because you know this will make her smile. THINK! There’s nothing worse than a man sitting there looking stupid like “uggghhh, I dunno”
  4. Your Honesty – The key to any fulfilling relationship is the concept of honesty. Be honest with your mate about where you two are, where you’re going, and what that means to you. All the heart-shaped chocolate candies in the world means nothing to a situation that’s about to go sour next week! Are there concerns you have with the relationship? With her? With yourself? Be forthright in your delivery and let your mate know! You may not want to hurt her feelings or damage her ego, but ask yourself if holding this in will ruin you all in the end.
  5. The Essence of Your Manhood – I think we all know what this means, hehehe. It’s free,  it’s all encompassing, it’s pleasurable to you both, and it’s scientifically proven as a superb stress-reliever! If your relationship is in this stage, please do responsibly take advantage of this. Plan for something out of the box and blow her mind. Women love a man to take control and work what’s his! Visit a speciality store, grab some scented centering oils, candles, and take care of your woman! Again…never mind, I don’t need to tell you again about those vultures.
  6. For You to Tell Her That She’s Beautiful – You should probably be doing this Everyday anyway, and if you aren’t, shame on you! It isn’t an ego thing for women so much, but instead a declaration of admiration and charming gesture. It takes absolutely Nothing from your day to sincerely compliment your woman!! She craves it, she waits for it, and she giggles and smiles when she gets it from you. Don’t Ever assume “she’s aight! She knows she’s good”…Most epic fail Ever! Yeah, she IS aight, but if she has to wonder whether or not her man thinks she is may be a Serious blow to your relationship. Your pride and ego have no room here. Tell that woman every minute of every day just how alluring she is!
  7. YOU – At the end of the day, when all is said and done, fellas, we just want You! No bells & whistles or unnecessarily trumped up nonsense. She needs you to be a Man. Her Man. The Man. She wants to know that you will protect her from whatever harm comes her way, and trust that she can depend on you to take the reins and properly lead when she hands them to you. All of the money in the world can’t replace any of these qualities.

Know who you are, what you have, and how to keep it! More importantly, know that you don’t need to wait until Valentine’s Day to provide these seven jewels. Be this man all of the time and then you don’t even have to worry about February 14th…

That Time When You Wanted to Punch Your Husband…

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Don’t turn up your nose or make the surprised face. We’ve all been here at some point. You love him to death, but if you have to wipe pee off of the toilet One more time or catch him scraping the sharpest fork he can find into your expensive ass, PTFE Teflon non-stick cookware, you’re going to be on the next ‘Special Edition’ episode of Snapped

Ladies, men Do Not get it! Their brains aren’t wired to, and their attention spans are still in the toddler stages. While most of our frustrations are very well justified, until you began  to realize where all of this is coming from, stop taking it personal, and learn to open your OCD up for compromise, you will miserably fail in marriage.

With that being said, I still need to vent a little with my fellow espoused butterflies. You can either send this to your hubby Right when you know he arrives to work and is getting ready to start his day (evil voice laugh), or you can grab a glass and wine and enjoy during your own solo time. Whichever you do, just remember that we’re poking fun at the obvious and if you feel like you need to divorce your husband after reading a blog, She Speaks ain’t got Nothin’ to do with that!!

You Wanted to Punch Him When…

1. He picked you up from somewhere and you noticed that the gas hand was in the negative

WHY WHY WHY do you all do this?? Seriously! You passed twelve gas stations with your Low Fuel light on, and then merged your ass onto the highway. WTH?!?! Automobiles do not run on charm, air particles, gym sweat, or your iPhone charger! That stinky liquid stuff called gasoline is actually needed. Like, all the time. It also isn’t all that smart to keep driving your car down to ‘E’. Your fuel pump is there to help you. Not to suck in air which could prematurely ruin it. I’m no mechanic, but I think this repair will cost much more than the $2.39/gallon gas fill up. Contrary to popular belief, us women don’t think it’s cute to get stranded because we ran out of gas! We think it’s irresponsible and a Huge turn-off.

2. You sent him to the grocery store with not only a detailed grocery list, identifying which aisle each item will be in, and which clerk to seek out if he had an issue finding something. You also texted him pictures of the items requested so there would be no discrepancies…He came back home with half the ish on your list, claiming that most of it he did not see, they did not have, and 2/3 of what he brought back was wrong

Men just don’t care about the grocery store as much as we do. Women will leave the house at 8am on a Sunday with three lists, ten coupons, five Rewards cards, and a Pinterest recipe bookmarked on our phone! It’s not a Game! We have a purpose here and it’s critical that it be accomplished correctly. We don’t even go to just One grocery store! We know the realness and essential requirement in traveling to at least three stores for different items (organic foods, meats, fruits & veggies, sale, wine, seafood, etc.). This is something we will never be able to pass along or teach our men. The passion just isn’t there.

3. You forwarded him Every email, sent him notifications from the sites, personally synched your ‘Finances’ calendar to his, and sent smoke signals at 5am the morning a bill was due…He asks you later on that night at 9pm what day are y’all supposed to pay the electricity bill on

Grrrrrrrrr!!!! Arrrrrrrgh!!!!! I will never understand some men’s aloofness with personal finances. I think husbands tend to be worse because they know that they have mini-accountants as wives who will take care of everything. Not true. We forget sometimes too which is why two minds are better than one. The difference is that us forgetting is because there’s one billion other household affairs that we’re solving in our minds at the same time. You forgot because, well, ok , you never cared to know in the first place. *le sigh*

4. The one rare time you go out for an evening, you come home to children that had Cheez-Its and graham crackers for dinner and the baby is naked in a droopy diaper with everything he’s eaten crusted around his mouth…Hubby gives you the “What??” face

Again, men are not like us. We want order. We’re precise and we plan. We want our kids to eat healthy, nutritious, well-balanced meals and not smell like Garbage Pail Kids. Men just want them to be alive. This is fine. I’ve learned to just keep sending annoying ‘reminder’ texts throughout my time away, asking if certain things have happened yet. 🙂

So now is the part where you go hug your Hubby and tell him that you love him despite the truth in this list! Men will be Men and Women will be Women. At the end of the day, always remember that none of this trivial stuff even really matters, and that there’s always room for growth on both sides of a marriage….For now fellas, just stop doing all the things that make us want to Punch You! 😉

But First…You Gotta Let Your Ex Go

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You probably thought this was an article about Chris Brown & Karrueche eh? NOT!…but you still need to hear this though!

Happily almost ever after just shattered your entire little world! He/She was the sugar in your Kool-Aid and the perfect verse over a dope beat. This relationship changed your angry Facebook rants to giddy memes with little hearts doodled in the corner. You’ve since been able to now watch Love Jones and entirely get the concept of “Nina & Darius” completely free of judgment. Regular ‘rollover’ puts an extra sprint in your step, and Date Nights have replaced weekend turn-up adventures at the club. You got this close to going to Jared, and she has practiced her predictably emotional “YES!” reply in front of her mirror a gazillion times…and then y’all broke up.

So now what? You probably are both going to spend like 6 months trying to find yourselves, your lives, and your dignity. You deactivate that above-mentioned Facebook page because it’s a lot easier than going through all 50 million albums and statuses you made, trying to erase anything that even slightly exhibits remembrance or representation of the Ex. We won’t even talk about all of the shared posts and tagged pics that you might have to endure because you two know ALL of the same damn people! Every song reminds you of them and you now drive 10 miles out of your way every day to avoid “Our Starbucks” and go to one where no one knows you. Last but not least, you pretty much just purchase all new furniture, bedding, and underwear because…you just can’t!

Well now your six month Pity Party is coming to an end, and I’m being very generous with this timeframe. Pay the bill, clean up the venue, wish your guests well, and walk AWAY from this party! What exactly do I mean by this metaphor?? I’m glad you asked…

  • Stop Being a Hater – No, but seriously. It just doesn’t look good. Let the new Boo be! Even all of those friends and associates who may cheer you on and laugh at  your tasteless jokes are shaking their heads behind your back. There is nothing worse than letting everyone know just how bitter you are.
    • New Boo is built like a brick-house, with thick flawless natural hair from the Gods, and a wardrobe game to rival New York Fashion Week. You’re still trying to figure out how to Zumba off your muffin top, you’ve lost all of your edges from wearing tight bad weaves, and your regular outfit consists of leggings and your high school alumni tee. So what do you do? Grab your BFF and attentively go through every shred of her Facebook page, making commentary on why “she really isn’t all that cute.” Get it together woman. Use whatever insecurities she brings out of you to make yourself better!
    • Man Crush Monday has a nice car. You have Geo Tracker. So you find ridiculous ways to try and downplay his impeccable apparatus of transportation by saying dumb ish like “Man, that car ain’t even in his name!” Stop It! That Tracker wouldn’t be in your name either if it wasn’t 50 years old, twice paid off, with a transferred title from your Momma!
  • Stop Texting Them – Texting these days makes it easy to be passive-aggressive and even easier to be a professional psycho stalker! He/She doesn’t care that you got a new job, lost your dog, grew a beard, dyed your hair purple, saw Jesus at the grocery store, or even that a family member may have passed (I know this one is harsh but some of you use this a LOT as leverage!). No “Good Mornings” and “TTYL” or “Good Nights” with the goofy-grinning emojis! Part of your healing process will come in eliminating this person from your communication mainframe. You’re only texting that Ex for a couple of reasons, and they all need to cease:
    • You want validation from them because you’re not getting it from anyone else right now, and you know it’s easy to get from them.
    • You want them to know that you’re doing well without them, and at the same time, make sure that their lives are miserable without you.
    • You want them back, know that isn’t an option, and you settle for whatever small piece of them that you can get.
    • You know they have another significant other and you’re trying to start ish. I’ve done this one before. It didn’t play out well. Don’t get your feelings hurt out here on dummy!
  • Forgive Them – One of my most favorite books of all time is by Iyanla Vanzant, Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything. If you struggle with the principles and effectiveness of forgiving others, go purchase this now, start reading, and free your conscience! There is nowhere positive that you can get in life with a distressed and heavy heart & mind towards another person. Please understand this! They cheated on you and destroyed your perception of trust. I get it. We all do. It’s devastating but guess what; you’re going to have to get all the way Over it! Learn the lesson, take the notes, write a song about it, buy some new lipstick, do ten push-ups, and keep it moving. Old baggage turns into new psychological suitcases, and now you’re no good to any damn body. Say it with me: This too shall pass!
  • Know Who You Probably Need to Remove From Your Life Now That You’re No Longer Together – Quit calling his Momma, going to get your nails done with his sister, hooping with her brother on Monday nights, commenting under all of their friend’s/family’s social media posts, and using their best friend as your new therapist. These are all side-eye shady moves and will hurt no one but yourself! If you didn’t have a significant tie to any of these people before you two became an item, nine times out of ten, you don’t need one now. It’s a conflict of interest, trust, and just an overall bad idea that isn’t worth the simmering fire.
  • GO and DATE – Yeah, yeah, yeah, your Ex was the absolute Best thing that ever happened to you, the Best looking person that you’ve ever laid eyes on, and you’ll never have a connection with anyone else like you had with them…That’s why y’all are still together right???  — They are an Ex for a reason, and you have to give yourself permission to push forward and explore others. Constant comparison of your Ex will keep you only focused on your Ex. While I do think people should allow themselves time alone to get it together, I also believe that entering back into the dating world is healthy and necessary for healing.

Moral of this story…Get over yourself, your situation, and more importantly, Get Over Your Ex!! 

 

Why My Marriage Might Offend You

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Over the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed a trend among women while perusing several other blogs and random articles. There seems to be a quite ubiquitous undertone about the resentment that some single women have towards women who are married. Again, I said some. Do not bring your enraged commentary under my post acting an entire fool if this does not apply to or describe you! In reality, the fact of the matter is that there are a lot of dejected and miserable females of the human species that are roaming this good Earth; and a great deal of it stems from relationship status. Denying only makes the issue worse, and then the bitterness continues to fester. Well, this girl here isn’t going to let you throw your acrimonious little temper tantrums and start downplaying my peace of mind just to keep your scab from peeling! We have got to learn to stop apologizing for the depths of our euphoria and the plight towards positivity that we have demanded and drawn into our lives. Some may call me a narcissist after reading this, while others will shout in praise. However you take it, just remember that your and my life still exist outside of this blog! 🙂

Now in true fashion of my infamous lists, spicy speculations, and widely known word venom, I have personally put together some brutally honest logic as to why my, and other women’s, marriages just might leave you a bit vexed.

  1. We Actually Like Each Other –  As in, even on our bad days we don’t want to stab each other into little pieces. We actually know and appreciate who we’ve married and enjoy being around one another. This seems to get under people’s skin. Why? I don’t know, but that isn’t my problem to figure out either! I know you’re thinking that this is a bit obvious but it isn’t. There is a huge percentage of the population married to individuals whom they don’t actually even care for. I’ve seen it before. It goes along with the issue of marrying for the wrong reasons.
  2. We Have No Skeletons in the Closet – We both have pasts. We are both aware of those pasts. We could care less…Nothing is secretly going to be revealed that will make the other fret or cause disarray in our union. This annoys people…We are sorry for your disappointment.
  3. Our Marriage is No Different on Social Media Than it is in Real Life – This is a basic one but it needed to be said. We don’t pretend or portray to be anything that we are not. What you see is what you get and most people who end up meeting us are usually pleasantly surprised by our relationship. We don’t hide our love, but we also aren’t obnoxiously leaving kissing emojis all over each other’s pages every ten minutes. We follow one another on different sites and neither of us have any weird, possessive, jealousy, or infidelity issues involved in that. Again, this seems to tick people off. Social Media runs the world and the validity of your relationship depends on its portrayal. HA!
  4. My Husband Used to a Player – Like, not a regular player, but the super smooth frat guy that your Momma always told your butt to stay away from. Then he told all of the runner ups to stop texting him and turned his player card in for little ole me. People can’t seem to, and don’t want to, fathom that.
  5. We Are Best Friends. If There is Ever a Me Versus You Situation, I Will Always Win – This one seems to be the killer, and not many truly understand. My husband is my protector, my bodyguard, and my King. He will always and forever have my back! We have been through a great deal together, and when he took his vows he meant it. Unfortunately there is not a darn thing you’re going to be able to do about that…Sorry But Not Sorry 😉
  6. We Are Happy – It’s just that simple. Real Life Undeniable Unconditional Black Love! Two people who took a chance and make it work. My real life Love Jones, the ‘perfect hook to a dope beat,’ the one who ‘personifies my admiration’ and makes me giggle. He is my Lover and the Father of my children. He accepts me the way that I am and holds my existence in the highest regard. He is I and I am Me! Just let us be.

I have found my Cloud Nine, and you better go find yours! Never be mad about what the next lady has…Instead, ask her how she got it!